Members Epping Forest Posted May 14, 2020 Members Report Share Posted May 14, 2020 My Dad died just over a week ago. My sister broke the news to me and I just said OK, and went about my day. I didn't cry, I didn't feel anything. I was unable to do much at all - but I did not break down in floods of tears. I had to tell my brother and he immediately broke down in tears on the phone. He said he was a total mess for one day then dusted himself off and was relatively ok after that. Far from back to normal but by crying for a whole day he said he had got the worst of it out of him. But I did not cry. I thought that at this time I would be lying on the bathroom floor in a puddle of my own tears but I am not. I was unfeeling for about four days then sheer anxiety hit me. I am a recovering alcoholic - coming up for 8 years sober this June - and one of the things I have realised is that I was drinking to cover up the depression and anxiety that I have. For the last few years, I have controlled this. I am married and my wife is incredibly supportive. But then my Dad died and I feel like the world has been taken away from under my feet. I feel like life is now dangerous and slipping out of control. I don't feel like I have any control of the future and I worried senseless about what will happen to me and my wife. I also feel this is really selfish and self centred. My Dad has died and all I can think about is what is happening to me. I have read that anxiety could be a part of the grieving process but this feels like the worst feeling ever. I cannot sleep at night. I sleep for three hour sessions and sometimes I have to sleep during the day out of sheer exhaustion. But I try not to do this because I know it will affect how I sleep at night. To combat the stress and anxiety, I walk a lot. I like walking anyway and do it often. But now I am walking about 30kms a day. It helps somewhat but I think I am doing this to avoid something else. How can I burst into a flood of tears? I want to unlock the gates of the dam and let all the emotions out but I can't. My brother said that I bottle things up and I agree, I think I do. I know this is unhealthy but I simply don't know how to let everything out. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. I am at my wits end right now and I think I am losing my mind from lack of proper sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted May 15, 2020 Members Report Share Posted May 15, 2020 Dear Epping Forest, I"m very sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies and condolences. Please know there is no right way to grieve. We all react differently and that is okay. I think it's hard to know what to do after such a great loss. There are many different way to express yourself. Some have tried counselling, going to group therapy, writing in a journal, painting, crafts, exercise, talking to friends or a pastor. The stress and loss of sleep is hard. Try talking to a doctor and see if maybe taking a sleep supplement for the short term might help. Or trying milk or tea before bed or some meditation. Take your time and know there is no fixed timeline for grieving. It will be different for everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Epping Forest Posted May 16, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted May 16, 2020 Many thanks, Reader. I have bad days and really bad days. Today was not too bad, but I have not eaten properly and I have walked the streets over and over like a zombie. I have told one or two people. It just makes them feel awkward but I find that it helps me process it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted May 17, 2020 Members Report Share Posted May 17, 2020 Dear Epping Forest, Everything you are feeling is normal and natural. Try to keep sharing. It is also hard on friends and family and colleagues, they truly don't know what to say or do. I know I felt very lonely during this difficult time and still do. Remember to be kind and gentle with yourself and do what you need to, to get through each day. I also found these websites had helpful information. Grief in Common Grief Healing Blog What's Your Grief Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Epping Forest Posted May 17, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted May 17, 2020 Thank you. I will check the sites out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted May 19, 2020 Members Report Share Posted May 19, 2020 I hope you find them helpful and comforting. I know its hard. Please take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cathie 45 Posted June 17, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 17, 2020 Hello Epping Forest, Wow, sounds like you are experiencing challenging times. I read somewhere that losing a parent brings up so many issues related to mortality and to one's own identity- your parent was you anchor, no matter how imperfect.Sharing with feelings in a journal or in a grief group, or with a pastor, might be helpful.It takes time to process the new situation -life after the loss of your Dad.Maybe every day, establish a ritual of things that help you feel more in control. Suc as...balacing your check book, checking the car, updating your insurance polcies, etc etc.....Cathie45 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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