I want my dad back now, please

[spicyrock]

My father died unexpectedly on March 31st and nothing takes away the deep and unbearable sadness I feel every day. I miss him so much. I was his only child and he and my mom divorced when I was a baby. I turned 29 two weeks before he died, but I feel like I'm about 10 years old, I just can't seem to get a grip on anything. I just want one more breakfast, one more chance to talk to him, one more walk around the neighborhood... I have my own daughter, she's two and a half, and it kills me that she'll never get to know him the way I did. He was the most (and sometimes the only) positive influence in my life, he never let me down and he was always there, and without him in it this world is very dark and lonely. He was her favorite grandparent (how could he not be? He thought she was me all over again, another chance to love a little girl and help her grow and this time he could give her anything she wanted and never have to change her diapers), they were two peas in a pod but she won't remember any of it.

I really don't know what to do, about anything. It has been months now, going on four of them, and I still feel stuck in that moment on the evening of March 31st when my grandmother called and told me he was dead. I feel like time has stood still and I am in an awful purgatory, watching all these other people get on with their lives like nothing is wrong. I can't think about anything else. I can pretend to be okay, but I'm not. I loved him so, so much. I really want him to walk through the front door, say it was all a big mistake! After all, he was healthy, never drank or smoked, made good food choices, exercised every day, did everything right- and he was so kind, honest, friendly with everyone. I still have people coming up to me and saying, you don't know me, but your dad was really wonderful. He helped me with ___. Or, you don't know me, but I knew your dad, he would always talk to me while I bagged his groceries at Winn Dixie. Or, you don't know me, but I worked with your dad. He was everyone's favorite manager, and I still really miss him.

I miss him, too. He was the best dad in the world.

[ModKonnie]

My father died unexpectedly on March 31st and nothing takes away the deep and unbearable sadness I feel every day. I miss him so much. I was his only child and he and my mom divorced when I was a baby. I turned 29 two weeks before he died, but I feel like I'm about 10 years old, I just can't seem to get a grip on anything. I just want one more breakfast, one more chance to talk to him, one more walk around the neighborhood... I have my own daughter, she's two and a half, and it kills me that she'll never get to know him the way I did. He was the most (and sometimes the only) positive influence in my life, he never let me down and he was always there, and without him in it this world is very dark and lonely. He was her favorite grandparent (how could he not be? He thought she was me all over again, another chance to love a little girl and help her grow and this time he could give her anything she wanted and never have to change her diapers), they were two peas in a pod but she won't remember any of it.

I really don't know what to do, about anything. It has been months now, going on four of them, and I still feel stuck in that moment on the evening of March 31st when my grandmother called and told me he was dead. I feel like time has stood still and I am in an awful purgatory, watching all these other people get on with their lives like nothing is wrong. I can't think about anything else. I can pretend to be okay, but I'm not. I loved him so, so much. I really want him to walk through the front door, say it was all a big mistake! After all, he was healthy, never drank or smoked, made good food choices, exercised every day, did everything right- and he was so kind, honest, friendly with everyone. I still have people coming up to me and saying, you don't know me, but your dad was really wonderful. He helped me with ___. Or, you don't know me, but I knew your dad, he would always talk to me while I bagged his groceries at Winn Dixie. Or, you don't know me, but I worked with your dad. He was everyone's favorite manager, and I still really miss him.

I miss him, too. He was the best dad in the world.

I can relate totally. I miss my dad, too. It will be two years in August. He was a fantastic dad. I was so proud that he was mine. The pain is severe right now, but it will start to ease up. It takes time, and I know those words don't really help.

Your dad sounds wonderful. Do you have a picture of him? Feel free to post it and tell us his wonderful story. I know this is tough, but we will be here for you.

ModKonnie

[SadRN]

So very sorry for your loss. Your dad sounds like he was an amazing man and wonderful father. I am an only child and my dad died about 10 weeks ago and I miss him severely. It's very hard. You feel like a piece of you is go and there is just emptiness there. Hang in there. You will help your daughter grow up to know how important he was to you both. My son and I are making a "Poppy Book" (my first attempt at scrapbooking) and it has been helpful to us both. There are times I have to put it aside, and times I look forward to looking at old pictures and telling old stories. Keep posting. It does seem to help.

My father died unexpectedly on March 31st and nothing takes away the deep and unbearable sadness I feel every day. I miss him so much. I was his only child and he and my mom divorced when I was a baby. I turned 29 two weeks before he died, but I feel like I'm about 10 years old, I just can't seem to get a grip on anything. I just want one more breakfast, one more chance to talk to him, one more walk around the neighborhood... I have my own daughter, she's two and a half, and it kills me that she'll never get to know him the way I did. He was the most (and sometimes the only) positive influence in my life, he never let me down and he was always there, and without him in it this world is very dark and lonely. He was her favorite grandparent (how could he not be? He thought she was me all over again, another chance to love a little girl and help her grow and this time he could give her anything she wanted and never have to change her diapers), they were two peas in a pod but she won't remember any of it.

I really don't know what to do, about anything. It has been months now, going on four of them, and I still feel stuck in that moment on the evening of March 31st when my grandmother called and told me he was dead. I feel like time has stood still and I am in an awful purgatory, watching all these other people get on with their lives like nothing is wrong. I can't think about anything else. I can pretend to be okay, but I'm not. I loved him so, so much. I really want him to walk through the front door, say it was all a big mistake! After all, he was healthy, never drank or smoked, made good food choices, exercised every day, did everything right- and he was so kind, honest, friendly with everyone. I still have people coming up to me and saying, you don't know me, but your dad was really wonderful. He helped me with ___. Or, you don't know me, but I knew your dad, he would always talk to me while I bagged his groceries at Winn Dixie. Or, you don't know me, but I worked with your dad. He was everyone's favorite manager, and I still really miss him.

I miss him, too. He was the best dad in the world.

[whispers]

I am truely sorry for your lose. I know how hard it is for you, I am also trying to cope with losing my dad. He passed on March 25, 2011. The pain is sometimes so unbareable . I was his caregiver for four years and he wasn't suppose to leave to the hospital and not come back home. Some days are better but for the most part it is very hard. I am so grateful to have had the oppurtunity to have this place to recieve and hopefully give other indiviuals a word of encourgement. I know that when we are in a place of so much pain that it seems like we never stop huting... But with time healing does come.. Lose my mom in 2007 and it still seems like yesterday too. My prayers are with you.

[TeamX76]

I would like to not say sorry, because so many people have said it to you and you've heard it a lot, and it's always bad, sorry doesn't cut the cloth I'm afraid. The word loses meaning the more you hear it. But I am sorry for you.

My dad died on the 31/07/10. Almost a year now. It's been the worst year of my life, and it feels as though it's only going to get worse. Im 23, i was 22 when he died(my birthday is 9th Aug)I want to say it gets better, but in the short term it doesn't. Not for me anyway.. I found out my brothers marriage is falling apart because he's bottling things, they got married a week before he died.

You may expect him to call you, you want that breakfast or that walk so badly you start to think you're going to get it, when you don't and you think about how long you've wanted that breakfast or chat.. It hurts more because you realise you aren't ever going to get it.

My life is full of people who walk egg shells around me, I see them, they have their lifes and their irrelevant conversational topics, I try to join in and seem enthusiastic but sometimes(most of the time), I'm like a brick wall to it.

Then other people think you might be mean, not a nice person. You know you're a nice person, but you've gone through so much and you miss him so much, how can you be alright with that? That stuff leaks out into this atmosphere where people misunderstand and just think you are an outright A-Hole.

But you aren't, you hurt and other people don't understand, so they ignore it or criticise you for what they believe is a changed person.

It's difficult letting go, because you don't want to.. I want to carry it but I know I can't. I don't know how to express it and neither do I want to talk about it.

I'm saying all of this not because I understand, I can never understand completely, your situation differs from mine, the challenges are different but there's still the raw emotion to process.

Here you won't be judged, here you aren't crazy if you're happy one day and angry/upset the next. We are here to read and sympathise, which I do.. God knows I do!