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HOW IS EVERYONE SLEEPING DURING THEIR GRIEF?


pamdora

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My biggest problem, despite exercise- is falling alseep. I am not on anything from the Dr. for this and I don't want to be but I did take an entire bottle of allergy tablets in one month- not even melatonin was enough- but now, I am trying melatonin, plus Valerian root in liquid form and then an herbal tea. I don't really drink coffee, either- hardly at all. I should also stop or limit my net use now as I heard something about the brightness of the screen affecting your natural melatonin.

Is anyone else having trouble sleeping?

The nights are the worst for me. I miss talking to my parents- they were like friends.

Oh, I wanted to share with you all a radio station online called www.calmradio.com - I am listening to some music now. The problem is that some of my hobbies, actually remind me of my parents because we were so into music and cooking for one thing. I do eat but it's just more functional than cooking gourmet- unless I am inviting someone over. Sorry, to digress there.

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I am actually sleeping pretty good. I think that is because it is summer and I don't work as much in the summer and I tend to not sleep when I am anxious and stressed. I am more depressed than anxious now. I am not oversleeping, but getting 6-8 hours at night. I am going to try the website- thank you! When my husband is out of town (which he is now for work) I don't sleep as well. Sleep is one of those things I have never been very good at. When my father was sick I barely slept at all. So maybe I'm making up for lost time. Who knows. Also my appetite is starting to come back now. (it's been over 2 months now) I lost a little weight when he was sick. What about everyone else? Any problems with sleep and appetite? Or other things?

My biggest problem, despite exercise- is falling alseep. I am not on anything from the Dr. for this and I don't want to be but I did take an entire bottle of allergy tablets in one month- not even melatonin was enough- but now, I am trying melatonin, plus Valerian root in liquid form and then an herbal tea. I don't really drink coffee, either- hardly at all. I should also stop or limit my net use now as I heard something about the brightness of the screen affecting your natural melatonin.

Is anyone else having trouble sleeping?

The nights are the worst for me. I miss talking to my parents- they were like friends.

Oh, I wanted to share with you all a radio station online called www.calmradio.com - I am listening to some music now. The problem is that some of my hobbies, actually remind me of my parents because we were so into music and cooking for one thing. I do eat but it's just more functional than cooking gourmet- unless I am inviting someone over. Sorry, to digress there.

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Neoshalovesu21

I am actually sleeping pretty good. I think that is because it is summer and I don't work as much in the summer and I tend to not sleep when I am anxious and stressed. I am more depressed than anxious now. I am not oversleeping, but getting 6-8 hours at night. I am going to try the website- thank you! When my husband is out of town (which he is now for work) I don't sleep as well. Sleep is one of those things I have never been very good at. When my father was sick I barely slept at all. So maybe I'm making up for lost time. Who knows. Also my appetite is starting to come back now. (it's been over 2 months now) I lost a little weight when he was sick. What about everyone else? Any problems with sleep and appetite? Or other things?

Sometimes I Can Never Sleep Because I See Him In My Dreams And I Get Upset :(

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kellyk1969

My father has been gone for 27 days today, I have trouble sleeping..bad nightmares! Very vivid!! I have no appetite, forget to eat sometimes. Going to see my Dr. next week, I can't go on like this anymore.

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It's been over three months for me, and I can't sleep. Nothing works: exercise, bubble baths, yoga, even valium doesn't work. I don't think I'll ever sleep well again. I understand all to well about the vivid, unpleasant dreams, and I'm sorry you have to go through that. If I fall asleep, I am generally awakened by those nightmares. My best wishes to all of my grieving insomniacs.

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It's been over three months for me, and I can't sleep. Nothing works: exercise, bubble baths, yoga, even valium doesn't work. I don't think I'll ever sleep well again. I understand all to well about the vivid, unpleasant dreams, and I'm sorry you have to go through that. If I fall asleep, I am generally awakened by those nightmares. My best wishes to all of my grieving insomniacs.

I had to finally go get medicine because I went for months unable to sleep. The constant brain activity nearly drove me crazy. Physically, I would be exhausted, but I would fall asleep and the weird, disturbing dreams would start and wake me up.

ModKonnie

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Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I had the most horrible guilt dream last night. My mom was difficult, substance addicted and in denial about her health. I pulled away, so did my family, but I feel so guilty that I had a fight with her a week before she unexpectedly died. Last night, I had a nightmare that she was in the hospital, and I was the person who did her in. This dream is the perfect metaphor for my guilt, as I feel responsible for her death, even if I know that it was not my fault. My rambling point is, sleep is hard to come by, and grieving dreams are so cruel. Terrible.

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Wow- after reading about others' dreams or nightmares on here- all I can say is I am so sorry for this for you but my problem of not sleeping does not stem from that. I wish I could see my dad in my dreams. I've only dreamt of my mother once in the past yr. too since her death.

My problem is that I have trouble shutting down. This is the last thing I check on the net now- this site. I love its openess and care, sharing nature. It's so brilliant whoever thought of this whole site- kudos to them!

I did watch a film and that has helped a bit.

More later- good night and here's wishing you all good dreams of love and encouragement of your loved one. May your pain be lessened.

Peace.

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dizzydancingway

I have trouble shutting down as well...my two cats have been very spoiled since my mom's passing because I've been letting them sleep in bed with me...which helps a lot when I'm trying to fall asleep.

But I also have nightmares. I have weird dreams about my mom too. At first I had dreams where I couldn't find her. Where I'd call her, search for her, but she was always missing.

Now I have dreams where she's come back to life, though I know she's going to die soon. I've had many where I guiltily explain to her that I donated all her clothes (I was the one that cleaned out her closet after she passed) and I am stressed out because I need to find some outfits for her to wear until she dies. All of the dreams involving her are weird...not comforting at all.

I'm glad you found this website! Its been a great help to me to read about other people's experiences.

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What is really weird for me is that I sleep so hard, I cant get enough, and it is so hard to get out of the bed in the morning. I guess its depression. Its coming up on a month in 4 days since my mom passed. I dont really want to do anything but I know I have to work. For the first few days following her death I forgot to eat. Now I eat really unhealthy, things like cake and icing not really food. my job offers counseling so I went to that, only went once. the counselor was still in college and from what I could tell could not really relate to what is going on with me. for those of you who cant sleep, what are you going to do? you have to do something or it could mean your health or sanity? Before I go to sleep I sometimes lay there for a while thinking about my mother. It is so consuming. But once I go to sleep....i cant get enough.

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It has been 33 days since my dad passed, I am still having nightmares. I take ambien and nerve pills, that helps me go to sleep pretty quickly but not for long..what ever I get is never enough. Maybe 3 hrs. a night! I am like a zombie all day at work..it is hard to be or feel normal. My appetite is not any better, I don't feel hunger just anxiety, my blood sugar has dropped several times. I see my Dr. tomorrow, I hope he can give me something to get me through this horrible time! I have seen a grief counselor 1 time, he suggested that I start a journal dedicated to my dad and all of my thoughts about the way he passed, Anger, happiness whatever emotion I feel but to always end every entry with a good memory that we shared! I really like that, that is the best part of my day besides going home to my family.

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My biggest problem, despite exercise- is falling alseep. I am not on anything from the Dr. for this and I don't want to be but I did take an entire bottle of allergy tablets in one month- not even melatonin was enough- but now, I am trying melatonin, plus Valerian root in liquid form and then an herbal tea. I don't really drink coffee, either- hardly at all. I should also stop or limit my net use now as I heard something about the brightness of the screen affecting your natural melatonin.

Is anyone else having trouble sleeping?

The nights are the worst for me. I miss talking to my parents- they were like friends.

Oh, I wanted to share with you all a radio station online called www.calmradio.com - I am listening to some music now. The problem is that some of my hobbies, actually remind me of my parents because we were so into music and cooking for one thing. I do eat but it's just more functional than cooking gourmet- unless I am inviting someone over. Sorry, to digress there.

I am now able to sleep in a different way. It was hard taking myself off Benadryl tablets but I did that.

My sleep has changed now though mostly because I am more depressed than ever, so depression will do that to you in some cases- make you sleep. I am not exactly sleeping more but I am going to bed earlier out of sheer hopelessness and sadness.

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Sleep May I ask what that is??? Since losing my dear mother 6-29-2001 I dont really sleep at all. I am up anywahere from 36 to 72 hrs than I just pretty mush pass smooth out. Have sleeping pills dr give me and am on all kinds of pain meds for verious reasons, but sleep I just cant make it happen.

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laurenvibezz

Firstly, I could not sleep because I was so afraid.

For now, I sleep too much aka depression phase.

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Britney Russell

I dont sleep, even when i take tylenol pm or the generic brand, i still have to force myslelf to sleep. Usually i end up alseep around 2am. Its been like this for months now!

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I have had trouble sleeping for years. I have been on OTC sleeping pills like unisom for so long. I can't imagine it's healthy to do this. I workout a lot, and often times, still can't sleep. I never would have thought the grief all these years, could have been the culprit. :huh: I do wear earplugs...you guys might want to try those. If you're a light sleeper, they tune out any and all noise, but you can still hear your alarm clock in the morning. :lol:

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My 16yr old and I found my dad...I had talked to him an hour before. I started CPR it didn't help. So, I see that scene as I try to sleep!

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letters2mary

My biggest problem, despite exercise- is falling alseep. I am not on anything from the Dr. for this and I don't want to be but I did take an entire bottle of allergy tablets in one month- not even melatonin was enough- but now, I am trying melatonin, plus Valerian root in liquid form and then an herbal tea. I don't really drink coffee, either- hardly at all. I should also stop or limit my net use now as I heard something about the brightness of the screen affecting your natural melatonin.

Is anyone else having trouble sleeping?

The nights are the worst for me. I miss talking to my parents- they were like friends.

Oh, I wanted to share with you all a radio station online called www.calmradio.com - I am listening to some music now. The problem is that some of my hobbies, actually remind me of my parents because we were so into music and cooking for one thing. I do eat but it's just more functional than cooking gourmet- unless I am inviting someone over. Sorry, to digress there.

My sleep has been uneven. I have been trying to sleep well because it helps so much, but like so many other things in life, sometimes trying makes the sought after end elusive. So I try reading or watching something dumb (not hard to find!) until I am 'tricked' into sleep. Thanks for the information about the radio.

It is hard to engage in those activities that you loved to do with the ones who are gone. Only you can decide what to do. You may decide you don't want to do some things for awhile, or you may want to create new traditions or engage new people in the shared activity. You may want to just keep on keepin' on and let the grief flow through you as you go. Trust that you are not alone.

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well i have sleeping pills but i hated taking them prior to my husbands death.. so i dont take them... i stay up most nites till about 2 or 3 am... and then in the morning.. im up for my daughter. on the weekends i sleep till noon or later... to make up for the lack of sleep during the week.. i dont like to go to bed.. alone.. and i dont like to wake up alone. I am thinking that if i am able to in the future buy my own small home, i may have to put my beloved bed, the one that is like sleeping on a cloud... in the guest room and buying a new one. I cannot go on with no sleep.. its effecting me in so many ways. but then again, how do i put the bed away and forget that joe slept there..and loved it, and still feel close to him? too many decisions for right now. But i am not sleeping well at all. I did have one dream that i asked for, where he came home, and talked with me. I heard his voice..got to touch him.. hug him... He was dressed in what i buried him in, looked like he did in his casket... but acted like all was good. Said all that i needed to hear. and then i drove him back to the cemetary.. strange huh? it was actually quite funny, but then you would have had to have known joe and more importantly.. seen joe and I together.. it was just like old times.. he said i cried enough and he was waiting for me. said he was sorry he didnt get to say goodbye, and that he would always be around and look after us. so... now i just dont dream.. i just pass out. nothing will ever be the same, and to be honest with you all.. i am tired of re-inventing my life.. tired of starting over..

I saw an episode of Joel Osteen tonite, this great preacher out of texas,.. where he said to wear your blessings well.. it put into perspective that even tho ive lost joe.. it was a blessing to have had him in my life, he made it whole, made it so i saw the good in life again.. and to give god the credit for all the blessings that have come since i paid this price. I am blessed with My daughter and son, joes friends, and some family, and close friends who have stepped up and helped me when i didnt think i had anymore in me, or didnt know how id pay for another tank of gas in the car...or the basics in my fridge. Reminds me to stay humble, and grateful for all i have and the most unexpected of people who held my hand when i lost everything. boy can i blabber... sorry for the digression.. but maybe it will help...

blessings to you all, and peace of mind and heart to us all..

joes girl...

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My 16yr old and I found my dad...I had talked to him an hour before. I started CPR it didn't help. So, I see that scene as I try to sleep!

The same exact thing happened to me. Me and my mom found my dad and I did CPR, but it was too late. Ever since it happened Ive only been sleeping between 2-4 hours a night and im really tired during the day.

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My biggest problem, despite exercise- is falling alseep. I am not on anything from the Dr. for this and I don't want to be but I did take an entire bottle of allergy tablets in one month- not even melatonin was enough- but now, I am trying melatonin, plus Valerian root in liquid form and then an herbal tea. I don't really drink coffee, either- hardly at all. I should also stop or limit my net use now as I heard something about the brightness of the screen affecting your natural melatonin.

Is anyone else having trouble sleeping?

The nights are the worst for me. I miss talking to my parents- they were like friends.

Oh, I wanted to share with you all a radio station online called www.calmradio.com - I am listening to some music now. The problem is that some of my hobbies, actually remind me of my parents because we were so into music and cooking for one thing. I do eat but it's just more functional than cooking gourmet- unless I am inviting someone over. Sorry, to digress there.

Well, I suffer from night terrors normally, and since the death of my father they have gotten worse, perhaps not in frequency, just more intense.

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How to sleep during your grief? Just do what I did: cry yourself to sleep and then wake up crying. I recently lost my mom (exactly 10 hours ago) and right now I don't know what to do. I slept a total of 3 hours and already used two boxes of tissue because of my snot and tears.

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How to sleep during your grief? Just do what I did: cry yourself to sleep and then wake up crying. I recently lost my mom (exactly 10 hours ago) and right now I don't know what to do. I slept a total of 3 hours and already used two boxes of tissue because of my snot and tears.

.The first night was very rough for me. Slept a total of 2 hours maybe. My dad's been gone for almost 3 weeks..): It does get better though, the sleeping issues. I'm so very sorry to hear about your mother ):

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I lost my mom Wed. 10/26/11. She was 88 and getting more frail daily. I know she would be going into a nursing home soon because she needed more care then I could provide. I had taken her to the dr. on Tues. for a normal check-up but she was getting sick at night about once a week and it was getting more frequent. She was suppose to have her stomach xrayed Wed. but since they were re-roofing her apt. she wanted to wait until Thurs. She pushed her life line button that night around 11:20. They called me but since I didn't recognize the area code or number I didn't pick up but I did listed to the message and got up, dressed quickly, forgot my cell phone, left a note for my husband and drove to her apt. By the time I got there and let in the paramedics, she just had a faint pulse and I had to make the decision to let her go. I have been blessed with a caring husband and 2 daughters who are great helps and in morning too but like you, sleep is almost impossible. I didn't sleep at all until after her funeral but did crash early that evening. The last 2 nights I have been getting about 3 hr. per night. I know this will pass but I have to start back to work tomorrow. I think about her so much and realize how much of my life was spent caring for her. I miss her so much and hope she wasn't frightened at the end. It bothers me she was alone and if I would have picked up the phone right way I could have been there with her when she passed. I have kept a journal for a while but don't always write in it. I wrote a lot this morning and felt better after I finished several pages. Am also going to get out and walk today too. Lots to do, settling all the legal stuff, cleaning out her apt. but since I paid the rent for Nov. I guess I'm in no hurry. Am thinking about going to a health food store and look for something. Will post if I find something to work.

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.The first night was very rough for me. Slept a total of 2 hours maybe. My dad's been gone for almost 3 weeks..): It does get better though, the sleeping issues. I'm so very sorry to hear about your mother ):

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I agree w/ lexybeer, for me the night of my mom's death and the next 2 night were terrible-about 2 hr. total and I worried my knees might buckle during the funeral. I got through it and about 6:00pm, after the funeral, I laid down on my sofa and slept, woke up about midnight, went to bed and slept some more. Since I am in "midlife mode" sleep is something I have problems with occasionally. I find if I listen to someone talking that helps. What I mean by that is a book on tape/CD, something soothing that you don't really need to follow. It could be spiritual, life improving, a feel good story, whatever makes you feel safe. Even something like stories about Winnie the Pooh. Listening to the TV is too jarring. Every time a commercial comes on it is louder. I have tried drinking some wine but find I usually wake up and can't get back to sleep.

Another thing that helps is if I can't get to sleep in bed, it helps to try the sofa and I wrap a big comforter around me then lay down. Wrapping up in a comforter helps me to feel safe and changing locations somehow changes my thought patterns. It helps take some of the pressure off trying to fall asleep. I take my cell phone and use it as my alarm. I hope this helps someone.

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I wasn't sleeping too well after my Dad died so I talked to my doctor and she gave me Ambien and now I sleep pretty good.

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My father passed 4.14.2017 (2 nights ago) 

The nights where I was staying the night in the hospice with him, I was barely able to sleep, but I still felt good and secure when I was in the same room as him, because I knew if anything were to happen, I'd be there. 

Long story short, he passed when I left for work. My mom was with him, she called me and I sped back to the hospice. I couldn't believe it. Just like that, gone... 

He looked peaceful. He was no longer in pain ... But it definitely takes a part of you when you're there and you see that his soul is no longer in his body. 

The first night I went to a buffet. I was starving. I ended up crying uncontrollably and had to leave. I fell asleep when I arrived home.. Just to wake up 1 hour later. I was wide awake for about 2 hours. No matter what I tried I couldn't sleep. 

Tonight, my second night, I'm having troubles falling asleep. I didn't do much today and I'm feeling anxious and aggravated.. 

But I know that if I have some sort of closure, I'll be ok. Tomorrow I've scheduled to get a memorial tattoo in loving memory of my father. Then the next day I'll be going to the mortuary , picking out the urn, and he'll be completely set free. Its not going to be easy and we all find different ways to e. But tonight I'll probably be up until 5am. But he's in my heart, soul & mind, 24/7. 

I don't think of the negative only the positive. I know he's with me at all times..  

I know picking up the ashes, my head and kind will be all over the place. 

Please talk to me if you need somebody to grieve with. I'm here. 

-Christee

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I can only sleep with medication and even with that I'm up at 4 am every day, feel so tired during the day but sleep just won't happen naturally no matter what I do, I have cut off caffeine, I go for a walk/jog everyday but the racing thoughts in my mind just won't stop...I keep imagining how my mum died and what I could of done if I had been there, which is stupid since I live in a different country but there you go, wish I could just stop my brain from overloading.

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