Anxiety

[Jttalways]

So it’s been 7 months since my husband passed and for the past few weeks I’ve been experiencing anxiety. Started out very minimal, now it’s worse. I feel anxious, agitated and my skin is crawling. Background, I’m not on any medication. I take vitamins. I have a vitamin D deficiency so I take lots of vitamin D. I get depressed but I think I have the average amount of depression that comes with the loss of a loved one. I am not suicidal. My job is essential so I am still working. I am not stressed out over anything. No one in my family has COVID19. I don’t know why I have this restlessness and uneasy feeling. My skin is crawling so bad I want to scream. The doctor wants me to get bloodwork done because thyroid issues can cause anxiety. I can’t sleep at night and been having trouble falling asleep. It reminds me of how my husband was when he was coming off all the medications, particularly the pain meds. He would go thru withdrawals and complain his skin was crawling. But I’m not on any drugs or medication. Guess I won’t know until I get my bloodwork done but just wanted to know if anyone else experienced this. 

[foreverhis]

It sounds like what you're experiencing started at around the 6 month mark.  I don't know if this helps, but I also experienced setbacks, extreme anxiety, heightened sense of fear, and some of the physical symptoms of grief got worse.

There have been so many members here who've also found that 6 months is a really difficult time.  Maybe it's that the reality, the finality of our loss sets in, others have gone on with their lives.  We see the world spinning onward, while we feel stuck in quicksand alone.  Maybe it's that the future is too much to contemplate, but there's no going back either.  It's probably a combination of a dozen things that, for whatever reason, hit us around 6 months.

You should definitely get the blood work done when you can because severe grief affects all of us, not just our hearts and minds, but everything.

Would you be willing to take medication to help you sleep if your doctor thinks it's a good idea?  I resisted at first, but don't now.  What helps me is a small dose of xanax.  I can also take it during the day if I'm having a really hard time, but since it makes me sleepy, I try not to do that.  You might talk to your doctor about natural sleep aids like melatonin, magnesium, or even the CBD options available now.  I still don't sleep well a lot of the time, but going from 3 to 4 hours a night to 6 or 7 helped me quite a bit, especially because I have auto-immune conditions that cause severe fatigue.  I used to need a minimum of 10 to 12 hours (night and naps), sometimes more, after I got sick.  For months I didn't get much sleep because I was caring for my husband, either at home or being at the hospital/rehab.  Then after he died, forget it.  Sleep was an elusive creature until my doctor basically ordered me to try the xanax.  He's not a "pill pusher," so when he prescribes something, I know it's important.  He said, "I prescribe what you need and I need you to trust me."  He was right, as usual.

In any case, you are not alone in finding 6-7 months to be a fresh kind of pain.  I'm sorry.  I wish I could say or do something to truly help.  I will be thinking about you and sending you all the warm, comforting thoughts in the world.

[jwahlquist]

I have had anxiety from the moment my husband was in the hospital and it got much worse after he passed away.   My doctor prescribed sleeping medication because I wasn’t sleeping at all.  She also prescribed Zoloft.  I am not having as many problems with anxiety or extreme depression now.   I am glad that I have the medications I have as this isolation is hard even with them.   The waiting in line to getting into stores and check out gives me anxiety.   So I try not to go shopping if I don’t have to.  
 

I have also found that I have to avoid caffeine now.  It seems to make me really on edge and extra anxious.  
 

I hope that the blood work helps the doctor figure out why you are feeling the way you are.  

[KayC]

16 hours ago, Jttalways said:

So it’s been 7 months since my husband passed and for the past few weeks I’ve been experiencing anxiety. Started out very minimal, now it’s worse. I feel anxious, agitated and my skin is crawling. Background, I’m not on any medication. I take vitamins. I have a vitamin D deficiency so I take lots of vitamin D. I get depressed but I think I have the average amount of depression that comes with the loss of a loved one. I am not suicidal. My job is essential so I am still working. I am not stressed out over anything. No one in my family has COVID19. I don’t know why I have this restlessness and uneasy feeling. My skin is crawling so bad I want to scream. The doctor wants me to get bloodwork done because thyroid issues can cause anxiety. I can’t sleep at night and been having trouble falling asleep. It reminds me of how my husband was when he was coming off all the medications, particularly the pain meds. He would go thru withdrawals and complain his skin was crawling. But I’m not on any drugs or medication. Guess I won’t know until I get my bloodwork done but just wanted to know if anyone else experienced this. 

Everything you've described sounds normal in grief.  Anxiety, sleep issues, depressive symptoms (different cause than depression but symptoms display the same).  COVID-19 and social isolation isn't helping.  And as foreverhis said, around six months is one of the hardest times in grief, give or take a couple of months.  Reality sets in.

I toughed it out the first few years, thinking this is due to a permanent situation for which there was no fix, not understanding that anxiety Rx and sleep Rx could help me function in the here and now.  I've been diagnosed with GAD and will be on anxiety meds the rest of my life.  I finally started taking a sleep aid as well, it means a lot to be able to get a good night's sleep although I still wake up in the night.

[Jttalways]

Thank you all for the responses. I got my blood work done and everything came back normal. My doctor messaged me “everything is good.” I replied “that’s great, but I am still having anxiety and trouble sleeping.” I would like to take something for the anxiety and sleeplessness, but I know some of these medications can be addictive. I do not have an addictive personality, but I worry about me abusing due to my grief. @foreverhis I will look into more natural options you mentioned. Today has been hard. Everyday is hard, but there are some days that are harder than others. I got one of those “1 year ago today” pic notifications and it was of my husband in front of the water fountain at City of Hope. If you are not familiar with the City of Hope, it’s a medical center/facility that specializes in cancer. I’ve been crying all day. I’ve been thinking about getting antidepressants in addition to anxiety medication. It would be nice to take it on days like today. 

[jwahlquist]

4 hours ago, Jttalways said:

I’ve been thinking about getting antidepressants in addition to anxiety medication. It would be nice to take it on days like today. 

I can only say that the Antidepressant I take has helped me quite a bit.  However, it isn’t a quick fix.  It took about 6-8 weeks to get the dose just right and for me to feel stable. But now I don’t have those extreme mood swings and days where I am crying all day and can’t get out of bed.  
 

The sleeping pills are amazing too as they allow me to actually sleep.  But I have taken them before.  I almost always have anxiety at bedtime and have a hard time sleeping.  The more stressful my life the worse it gets.  I have tried melatonin and it never worked for me but I know people that it does work for.  
 

Hopefully a conversation with you doctor could help give you some options. 

[KayC]

Melatonin never worked for me either.  The doctor put me on Trazodone 50 mg for sleep, at much higher doses it is used for depression.  I sleep about four hours with it, and sometimes get back to sleep, sometimes don't.  The doctor said it wouldn't be addictive, IDK.  He takes it himself.  It beats no sleep.  Sometimes I'll take a Benedryl in the middle of the night as I have allergies too and it helps me get back to sleep.

Some anti-anxiety meds double as antidepressants too.  My anxiety Rx is Buspirone (Buspar), lowest dose, very mild, no side effects, leaves the brain intact...I did my own research and brought it to the doctor's attention (he'd wanted me to be on Valium, no thanks!!)  

[Jttalways]

Thanks for the info. I spoke with my DR today and she wants me to try melatonin first and therapy or grief counseling before putting me on any kind of prescribed meds. She said to give her a call in a month or 2 then we’ll discuss medications. I don’t want to talk to a therapist or grief counselor. 

[foreverhis]

1 minute ago, Jttalways said:

I spoke with my DR today and she wants me to try melatonin first

I've not found melatonin to be as helpful as some people, but the one that did help was a dual-layer time release.  The outer part dissolves quickly to help you get to sleep; the inner part dissolves slowly over hours to help keep you asleep.

 

 

[jwahlquist]

14 hours ago, KayC said:

Sometimes I'll take a Benedryl in the middle of the night as I have allergies too and it helps me get back to sleep.

I wish Benedryl made me sleepy.  I can take two and still be wide awake.