I don't know if I can make it thu this ;;;;;;;;

[jtrudeau]

Michael Scott Schmidt - born 3/26/87 Angel date 5/29/11

Mike was and is my heart and soul......always and forever

May 28th he stayed at a friends house all nite working on a car they were going to race the next nite. Mike stayed up all nite (he worked 3rd shift so was used to that)

he tried calling his fiance to pick him up @ 6:30 am the 29th but she was sleeping. I had his daughter over nite and was bringing her home early cause her eye

was sullen shut and thought she needed to go to the ER. I called Mike's phone @ 7:42 am never thinking for 1 min that he would answer,but he did. He told me he

was on his way home walking (which is about a 6mile walk) I told him I will pick him up that I was not far away, he said no thats ok. I asked him which way he was

going and he said he was walking along the railroad tracks. I told him to get off the tracks and he said "mom it's not like I'm 90 yr old man and going to fall down or

anything" I said "Michael Scott get off them tracks NOW people get killed like that!" his last spoken words were "mom I love you and I will be ok" 30 min later he was

hit and killed by a freight train.....

Mike was a firefighter, and a first responder and a daddy of a 3 1/2 yr old daughter Alivia Rae and Mike was to be married on Aug 20th.

Mike and I were very, very close always and my heart has been ripped out and don't know how much of this pain and saddness and sickness I can possibly take.

How do I deal with this. No one calls me anymore, friends that would talk to me all the time no longer do. I went to a compassionate Friends meeting last nite

it was very hard to deal with soooo much sadness in 1 room, but I will keep going to the meetings. My husband was Mike's step-dad and can't relate to any of the

feelings I'm having, my oldest son lives in PA and calls me daily well more like 3x a a day. My daughter lives with me shes 22 and a drug addict of sorts and that

is not helping this at all. I really need support so appreciate anything you want to comment........jackie on here or my e-mailEmail me

[mikesmomrs]

Jackie: I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful son, Mike. We here on BI know what you are going through, and here you will find comfort, understanding, and a true connnection to people who will be here for you. I lost my own son, Mike, to brain cancer, in 2006, at his age of 31. He left behind a wife of only 20 months and a son of 19 months, as well as two other, older sons. We miss him more than anything, we have him in our hearts and minds every day, every single day, he is in our stories, our memories, our laughter and our tears. Please, if you wish, join us on Loss of Adult Child, as that is where most of us post, pretty much on a daily basis. It is a true comfort to be there.

sending peace to your hurting heart,

Carol mikesmomrs

[shorty16]

Jackie

Sorry you have to be here, but so glad you posted. You will make it through this with the help from your friends - us and the Compassionate friends meeting where we met.

You are so new to this journey and right now you just need to be kind to yourself. Cry when you want, sleep when you want and like we talked about in the meeting - No one who has not gone through this can tell you what you should or should not be doing.

The first 4-5 months of this journey are pure shock, dis-belief, no energy and pain. All of us here have been through this and we are here to help you.

We usually post on Loss of an Adult child thread. Even though my Brian was not an adult, I am accepted without question and so will you.

Tell us about your Mike, we want to hear all about him.

Thanks for coming here - here is the place to be to find understanding and advise from those who are walking with you on this grief journey.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[westleysmom]

Jackie-I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy Mike. Just looking at his picture made me smile. It has been almost a year and half since my 20 year old son Westley died in his sleep at a friend's house. He had a couple of beers and took a prescription painkiller and went to sleep and died. He also had sleep apnea and I think that had something to do with it as well.

I don't know how I would have coped with it without the help of the friends I have made here on this forum. We all have a story, and they all break my heart. I wish I had words that would comfort you, but as you have found out, sometimes there are no words. Your friends don't know what to say, so they leave you alone. They don't know that even when they're around (if they ever are), you're still alone in your grief, at least that's the way it was for me. I can tell you that I have come a long way from where I was the moment that phone rang at 5:30 in the morning and his friend said he wouldn't wake up. It is up and down and back and forth, one step forward and two steps back. The people here have helped me to understand that even when I felt like giving up, that I couldn't do it, that Westley would not want me to give up. He would want me to live and be happy and he would be proud of me if I could do that. I still struggle with guilt that somehow it was my fault that he died. All of those steps of grief that they tell you about can happen in the span of 60 seconds, and you're right back where you started it seems. But you're not, because you've made it through those 60 seconds. That's how we'll make it through the rest of our lives without them, a little at the time.

Keep coming here as you are able and I hope it will help you through this terrible loss as it has me.

[jtrudeau]

Jackie-I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy Mike. Just looking at his picture made me smile. It has been almost a year and half since my 20 year old son Westley died in his sleep at a friend's house. He had a couple of beers and took a prescription painkiller and went to sleep and died. He also had sleep apnea and I think that had something to do with it as well.

I don't know how I would have coped with it without the help of the friends I have made here on this forum. We all have a story, and they all break my heart. I wish I had words that would comfort you, but as you have found out, sometimes there are no words. Your friends don't know what to say, so they leave you alone. They don't know that even when they're around (if they ever are), you're still alone in your grief, at least that's the way it was for me. I can tell you that I have come a long way from where I was the moment that phone rang at 5:30 in the morning and his friend said he wouldn't wake up. It is up and down and back and forth, one step forward and two steps back. The people here have helped me to understand that even when I felt like giving up, that I couldn't do it, that Westley would not want me to give up. He would want me to live and be happy and he would be proud of me if I could do that. I still struggle with guilt that somehow it was my fault that he died. All of those steps of grief that they tell you about can happen in the span of 60 seconds, and you're right back where you started it seems. But you're not, because you've made it through those 60 seconds. That's how we'll make it through the rest of our lives without them, a little at the time.

Keep coming here as you are able and I hope it will help you through this terrible loss as it has me.

[jtrudeau]

Thank you all very much...I'm soo stuck in the shock of it all and don't ever want to believe hes gone. It' feels soo wrong, he had sooo much going for him and I loved him so much I don't wnat to believe that all I have is a beautiful urn I picked up yesterday and thats whats left of my son ;;;;;;; the pain is unbearable and every thing reminds me of Mike, I can't focus on happy memories right now because I want him back too bad.

So because I don't really know how these sites work, how do I get to loss of an adult child Colleen? Rite now I have been posting alot on my sons memorial site on facebook. R.I.P Michael Scott Schmidt and my fb is

Jackie wergin trudeau. so if i have trouble finding my way around here at least i can message u on there for help with this site if I need it.

Thank you jackie

[Guest msnher]

Dearest Jackie, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son, Mike! I love the picture you posted - giving two thumbs up. As others have said, you are so new to this club that none of us would ever want to join and never rejoice when we get a new member, but we welcome you with open arms and strong shoulders. Lean on us. You will get through this. My name is Susannah. My 28yr old Daughter, Stephanie, was killed in an ATV accident on 8-9-09. She left behind 3 young children whom my husband and I are raising. Please join us on the thread "Loss of an adult child". It's more active. You will find beautiful, loving, compassionate friends who will also welcome you (with saddness of course). Don't expect much from yourself right now. The smallest task will take most of your energy. When you are able and you desire, tell us about your son. We will cherish him with you.

Much love,

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[shorty16]

Jackie

When you click on "Loss of a Child"

A shaded heading stating "Topics on this Forum" is there. Under that shaded heading are the many threads people have created; one of which is yours - started by you.

Usually above that thread will be "Loss of an Adult Child" started by momofJustin. Click on the title "Loss of an adult Child" and you are there. You can post by clicking on "Reply" or you can just read.

Hope to see you there.

Also, Jackie, you are not alone in this. We have all been where you are. We have all hoped, wished, prayed, screamed that our child not be dead. We have all been where you are - and we have survived - you will too. It is OK to not be able to concentrate on anything other than this terrible event. That is normal considering what you have been through. - Hang on my friend.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever