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My Father


kellyk1969

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My Father committed suicide on June 9,2011...He was very sick and in a lot of pain, we will not know all that was wrong with him until the autopsy report comes in. I am so hearbroken, I had no idea he was even contemplating suicide. No one did!! Can't get it out of my head!

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My Father committed suicide on June 9,2011...He was very sick and in a lot of pain, we will not know all that was wrong with him until the autopsy report comes in. I am so hearbroken, I had no idea he was even contemplating suicide. No one did!! Can't get it out of my head!

Dear HeartsickinNC,

I am very sorry about the loss of your father. Suicide is very tough for most people to deal with; it seems to add an extra dose of pain on top of the agony. We have many people here whose loved ones have committed suicide. In many cases, no one does know because the person who decides to end his/her time on this earth has kept feelings, emotions, thoughts hidden especially well from the ones they loved the most.

Please do not blame yourself. Feel free to cry and mourn and grieve; he was your father and you loved him. For now, concentrate on getting throug this particularly rough time a little at a time. Be sure to eat something and drink plenty of water. Are you able to sleep at all?

We are here for you,

ModKonnie

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Sleep has not been good, up off and on all night since the 9th. Just went back to work today because I thought it would keep my mind off of him but it didn't help at all! Eating is not good but I am doing the best I can.

Dear HeartsickinNC,

I am very sorry about the loss of your father. Suicide is very tough for most people to deal with; it seems to add an extra dose of pain on top of the agony. We have many people here whose loved ones have committed suicide. In many cases, no one does know because the person who decides to end his/her time on this earth has kept feelings, emotions, thoughts hidden especially well from the ones they loved the most.

Please do not blame yourself. Feel free to cry and mourn and grieve; he was your father and you loved him. For now, concentrate on getting throug this particularly rough time a little at a time. Be sure to eat something and drink plenty of water. Are you able to sleep at all?

We are here for you,

ModKonnie

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Sleep has not been good, up off and on all night since the 9th. Just went back to work today because I thought it would keep my mind off of him but it didn't help at all! Eating is not good but I am doing the best I can.

If you need to, are you able to take more time off at your job? Do you have anyone to talk to or a support system of any sort?

If you cannot eat, consider those nutritional supplements, like Ensure. They do help you get through. Not having energy can make things harder to take.

Try your best to do something relaxing before bedtime, like prayer or meditation. It may help.

Keep moving forward as best as you can. I know things are tough. We will be thinking about you.

ModKonnie

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dizzydancingway

I took a month off after my mom died and I was able to get paid disability. Spending the time with family and giving myself space to deal with the shock of her death and to grieve really made a difference in my health. I completely reached out to my friends and family. I talked a lot about her death, initially and after time passed, and two months later I'm still doing so. Its helped me cope with something that seemed so surreal most of the time. The more I spoke about my mom, the more friends and coworkers would tell me, "yeah, I felt that when my mom/dad/sibling died" and that helped, realizing that I'm not alone in this, that others understand.

I think your sleep will come eventually. I barely slept right after my mom died. I didn't eat either. After a couple weeks, my appetite was more normal. I slept better, though had terrible nightmares. I can't speak for what you are experience, but for myself, I don't think I could eat or sleep well until I really processed and accepted that my mom was gone, that she wasn't coming back. I'm sure there's a lot of feelings mixed in because your dad's death was a suicide. It might really help to find someone to talk to about everything. Its so hard to do on your own. Take care of yourself! You've been through a lot.

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If you don't mind me asking, how were you able to collect disability? I feel like I am just drifting further into dispair every minute, I have two brothers and they are the same. We have so many questions that will never be answered! I try to talk about it but can't without the tears flowing...I am thinking of going to my Dr. and getting some sort of Meds. to help me. I don't know what to do! I do thank all of you that have replied, it does help to hear from people who have lost parents and give me advice.

I took a month off after my mom died and I was able to get paid disability. Spending the time with family and giving myself space to deal with the shock of her death and to grieve really made a difference in my health. I completely reached out to my friends and family. I talked a lot about her death, initially and after time passed, and two months later I'm still doing so. Its helped me cope with something that seemed so surreal most of the time. The more I spoke about my mom, the more friends and coworkers would tell me, "yeah, I felt that when my mom/dad/sibling died" and that helped, realizing that I'm not alone in this, that others understand.

I think your sleep will come eventually. I barely slept right after my mom died. I didn't eat either. After a couple weeks, my appetite was more normal. I slept better, though had terrible nightmares. I can't speak for what you are experience, but for myself, I don't think I could eat or sleep well until I really processed and accepted that my mom was gone, that she wasn't coming back. I'm sure there's a lot of feelings mixed in because your dad's death was a suicide. It might really help to find someone to talk to about everything. Its so hard to do on your own. Take care of yourself! You've been through a lot.

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I'm not ashamed to admit that I had to go on antidepressants after my mother died and I am seeing a grief counselor. Both are helping me a great deal! It's no shame asking for help because people will see that you are helping yourself. I felt the way you did after my mother died one year ago from Ovarian Cancer and I'm still feeling this way. I still can't sleep and I gained 20 pounds. I think we all go through the same steps, just at different times. I suggest that you find a grief counselor and get yourself on an antidepressant. They will help take the edge off.

I'm terribly sorry for your loss!

Ilana

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I have been prescribed anxiety meds., they seem to help for a while but just suppress what I really feel deep down! What has happend is still so fresh, my father's funeral was just a week ago last Monday. I thank you all for your comments and words of kindness and advice. I am so happy that I found this Forum yesterday, I will share it with my brothers.

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dizzydancingway

I was able to apply for short term disability to deal with the grief and depression surrounding her death. You basically need a doctor to say on your behalf that you are unable to perform your normal duties and you need a treatment plan. I took about a month off and now I'm back at work. It was really difficult coming back to work, much more so than taking the time off.

I honestly think the best thing for you to do IS talk about the loss, to cry and get it out. I know people that didn't face the pain of their parent's death and ten years later have breakdowns. I talked and cried so much initially and that helped me realize my mom was gone for good and deal with that loss. I still feel panic every once in a while when I think about how many years I won't have her, but I've pretty much come to terms with it. I hope you don't fear talking about your dad or feel you need to supress crying. Its normal and probably actually the best thing for you right now, to get it out. The first week I returned to work I started crying in the middle of a meeting and my coworker pulled me aside and said, "you're doing fine. You are exactly where you should be." That helped remind me that there is no timeline on loss, and that its normal to feel normal one minute and have a meltdown the next. I think sometimes we need people to remind us we're doing okay...getting up every day, functioning, crying, forgetting to eat, feeling lost, spoling ourselves...however we react, we're surviving and this is really what our parents taught us (even with their mistakes), isn't it?

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Being at work for 8 hrs. does help although my father never leaves my thoughts..It is much harder when I go home. I have a wonderful husband who is so supportive and two wonderful son's who lost thier father 2 years ago to cancer, they are still grieving for him, they understand even though our circumstances are completely different a loss is a loss. I worry about them too, they were close with thier papa. I am thankful I have my mother who is a wonderful woman and is more worried about me and my brothers and her grandchildren than herself!

I am using all of the advice I receive on this forum, Thank you so much :)

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