Members SadRN Posted June 14, 2011 Members Report Share Posted June 14, 2011 So it will have been about 2 months since my father's death, and here comes father's day. I hadn't really thought about it that much until I saw everyone on Facebook posting pictures of their fathers and talking about their fathers. And now I've been tearful for the past 2 days. I took my son to pick out something for my husband and I can't think of anything to get him. I just feel down. We may go camping this weekend, and I hope so because I do better when I'm busy and doing something. I have a feeling it is going to be a really hard day without my father. I miss him so much. Everywhere I go I see people that give me hugs and say how sorry they are for my loss, and it's nice but it just reminds me, again, that my father is gone. I feel like I need some kind of change in my life. Is this normal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members carter19 Posted June 15, 2011 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2011 SadRnI can only speak from the experience I am going through myself at the moment as it will be 8 weeks on this coming Sunday since my father died, it will also be my birthday on the same day and I cannot think of anything worse than celebrating my birthday on the 8 week anniversary of his death. I've actually asked my brother's and their families to celebrate it either before or after but not on that day. At least I am lucky in the respect that we don't celebrate Father's day here in Australia until September, so I might be a bit more adjusted by then. I know that for me anyway, the change I am not necessarily seeking but is obviously happening, is the change of what is now "normal" life without my dad. I was fortunate enough to move back with my parents quite a few months before my dad died, it was as if I sensed I was needed here to take care of my parents, so my mother and I are on this journey together, to find our new "normal" life. Possibly you do need a change in your life, maybe a new interest or possibly like me, the change might just be finding your new "normal" life without your dad.The other thing was that 5 weeks after my dad's death it was my mother's birthday and neither she nor I were looking forward to it, so we did something we rarely do and we went out for lunch, sat in the sun on a lovely winter's day and just watched people walk by and both of us were lost in our thoughts. Later on she told me how much she had enjoyed the day and how petrified she was when she had awoken that morning because she didn't think she'd cope without my dad being there but she did and so did I. You might be surprised at how father's day turns out, I certainly hope that it isn't as bad as what you anticipate. Be there as I know you will be for your husband and son, remember your dad and give him his father's day present in the gift of love or a prayer, which again I am sure is something you do everyday anyway, but it will be special on this day.When my dad first passed away I needed those people to give me the hugs and offer their condolences but now I am tending to shy away from anyone that might do this, it's hurting more than it was before. I am guessing that the shock of my dad's death has just worn off a bit and that is the reason it's upsetting more with the offers of condolences etc, but in saying that, nearly 8 weeks after my dad's death, I still often look at a photo of him and I can't believe he his gone.This may not help you at all, you're not alone and from the other side of the world, there will be someone going through something similar on the same day.Take careDmc44 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted June 15, 2011 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2011 So it will have been about 2 months since my father's death, and here comes father's day. I hadn't really thought about it that much until I saw everyone on Facebook posting pictures of their fathers and talking about their fathers. And now I've been tearful for the past 2 days. I took my son to pick out something for my husband and I can't think of anything to get him. I just feel down. We may go camping this weekend, and I hope so because I do better when I'm busy and doing something. I have a feeling it is going to be a really hard day without my father. I miss him so much. Everywhere I go I see people that give me hugs and say how sorry they are for my loss, and it's nice but it just reminds me, again, that my father is gone. I feel like I need some kind of change in my life. Is this normal?Sad RN,This will be my second Father's Day without my dad, and I am dreading it. My kids get all excited and want to go shopping for their father, but it makes me feel awful. So, yes, your are feeling perfectly normal. ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SadRN Posted June 16, 2011 Author Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2011 Thanks, ModKonnie and dmc44. It's nice to have a (virtual) place to come and say the things I've been thinking and get real feedback. I feel like there is such a hole in my heart and life. I have a wonderful life with a loving husband and beautiful son, and I feel so empty at times. I should be counting my blessings. Things are going well with my mom, and that hasn't always been the case. But it hurts. It just really hurts... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members carter19 Posted June 16, 2011 Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2011 SadRnYep, it does hurt, I agree! I never knew that something could hurt this much and personally, I never thought I'd be this affected as I've dealt with death quite a lot in my job, how very wrong I was! Take each day as it comes, appreciate the good days and acknowledge the bad days. When I first replied to your post, I was having a bad day myself and then I heard my father say to me (as he so often did), "what is all the fuss about?". I know that he would hate the fact that I am so upset and on some days in such immense pain and now I am trying to repeat his words over continually to myself.It's hard to count our blessings when we are in so much pain, just be gentle on yourself. If ever you need someone to vent to, feel free to contact me. I do a lot of writing when I really need to vent, most times it helps but on the rare occasion it just makes me cry until it literally feels like my heart is breaking.Take careDmc44 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Teacup Posted June 19, 2011 Members Report Share Posted June 19, 2011 Today is just so hard, I wish these fabricated holidays did not exist. They just bring me immense sadness, I wish I could celebrate his memory but it is just too much right now. Having my mother call me selfish was pretty cruel too, and just sent me over the edge that I have been trying all these weeks to avoid. Because I could not muster the strength to call my uncle to place flowers on his grave, I must be a terrible selfish person; as if I don't feel this way already, I don't need someone to jab at me and tell me so. I spend everyday trying not to feel this way, trying not to let the sadness permeate my life, but it is just impossible to celebrate his memory when I receive a picture of his gravestone with flowers placed near it. I wish I could have been there to do it myself, but it is just too far away. I just picture it sitting on the sunny hill beneath the tree, his name embossed in bronze glinting in the sunlight. I miss him so much, the pain is just too great to do anything positive today; I am just trying to make it through each day, hour, minute at a time without breaking in two. I envy people with the strength to even be able to think about their lost loved ones and smile, even if those smiles are bittersweet. I cannot think of him without feeling a stabbing sensation through my heart and wailing. I miss you dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members denemir Posted June 20, 2011 Members Report Share Posted June 20, 2011 Yes, it's so true. It's hard to see others celebrating this day with their fathers when all I feel is agony and sadness... I miss having him around Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dizzydancingway Posted June 20, 2011 Members Report Share Posted June 20, 2011 My mom died two months ago and mother's day was surreal. I didn't really feel much at all. Now, with father's day, spending time with the only parent I have left, its hit me much harder. I kept looking around at all the moms, who probably planned the fathers day outings with the families, and I miss my mom more and more. There is nothing loke losing a parent. Today left me feeling empty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted June 20, 2011 Members Report Share Posted June 20, 2011 My mom died two months ago and mother's day was surreal. I didn't really feel much at all. Now, with father's day, spending time with the only parent I have left, its hit me much harder. I kept looking around at all the moms, who probably planned the fathers day outings with the families, and I miss my mom more and more. There is nothing loke losing a parent. Today left me feeling empty.I can relate. I felt like everyone was eating out or grilling with their father, and mine is gone. I went to visit my mom, but it felt weird to be there on father's day without dad. Fortunately for me I was sick with a bug for most of the weekend, so I slept most of the day away yesterday (I guess I am trying to be positive, but I felt terrible all day, and being depressed with missing my dad didn't help).I hope you are having a better day today.ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dizzydancingway Posted June 21, 2011 Members Report Share Posted June 21, 2011 I am having a much better day, hope you are as well! I didn't expect Father's Day to be so hard, since my mom was the one I lost. My dad and I have grown much closer since my mom's death and while I appreciate his presence, these "parental" celebration days only seem to remind me that I'm out one parent. I was very close to my mom and her absence was very much felt yesterday, though I'm sure the day was much more difficult for those who have lost their fathers. Soo glad to move on from that day and REALLY glad that the next holiday isn't as family specific. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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