Loss of my love & my daughters father to heroin

[VBartold]

These past 24 hours have been the hardest time in my life. I have been with D for almost 7 years and we have a beautiful, unbelievably strong 5 year old daughter together. I moved out of out home early fall of last year due to his addiction to heroin. His addiction had started early spring of last year and he was able to stop in October. He has been clean for over 7 months now. We had a wonderful family weekend together, but he started acting odd just before we left Sunday night. I was concerned he had used something while were we there visiting. He denied it and said he was just tired because of work. When we left, I told him I loved him, please be good & begged him to not do anything stupid. He promised he would be fine. I couldn't get a hold of him for the rest of the evening, nor all day Monday. I figured he didn't want to talk me because I asked him if he had a relapse & was still hurt over the accusation. I went to his place after work to check on him. After knocking and calling his name for a few minutes, I saw through his bedroom window that he was hunched over his bed in an inhuman position. I broke in through the front door to try to revive him but realized he had been gone for some time.

During the past 24 hours, I have cried, screamed, and have felt a pain far more intense then anything I have experienced before. I cannot understand why he felt the need to shoot up after all of this time and after the wonderful weekend we had just shared as a family. He had truly turned his life around and we were talking about moving back in together soon. I love him dearly & cannot accept what has happened. I have called his cel just to hear his voice. I am a total wreck. Every time i close my eyes, I see what I walked into last night. Every time I try to envision a happy time, the only thing that comes to mind is seeing him strung out on heroin. I cannot sleep, eat and can barely talk because I am hysterical. I can somewhat compose myself around my daughter, but other then that, I do not know what to do. I went to the doctor for something to help me calm down a bit, but it only helped me stop shaking. This man and my daughter mean the world to me and I feel like my world has just been destroyed.

[ModKonnie]

These past 24 hours have been the hardest time in my life. I have been with D for almost 7 years and we have a beautiful, unbelievably strong 5 year old daughter together. I moved out of out home early fall of last year due to his addiction to heroin. His addiction had started early spring of last year and he was able to stop in October. He has been clean for over 7 months now. We had a wonderful family weekend together, but he started acting odd just before we left Sunday night. I was concerned he had used something while were we there visiting. He denied it and said he was just tired because of work. When we left, I told him I loved him, please be good & begged him to not do anything stupid. He promised he would be fine. I couldn't get a hold of him for the rest of the evening, nor all day Monday. I figured he didn't want to talk me because I asked him if he had a relapse & was still hurt over the accusation. I went to his place after work to check on him. After knocking and calling his name for a few minutes, I saw through his bedroom window that he was hunched over his bed in an inhuman position. I broke in through the front door to try to revive him but realized he had been gone for some time.

During the past 24 hours, I have cried, screamed, and have felt a pain far more intense then anything I have experienced before. I cannot understand why he felt the need to shoot up after all of this time and after the wonderful weekend we had just shared as a family. He had truly turned his life around and we were talking about moving back in together soon. I love him dearly & cannot accept what has happened. I have called his cel just to hear his voice. I am a total wreck. Every time i close my eyes, I see what I walked into last night. Every time I try to envision a happy time, the only thing that comes to mind is seeing him strung out on heroin. I cannot sleep, eat and can barely talk because I am hysterical. I can somewhat compose myself around my daughter, but other then that, I do not know what to do. I went to the doctor for something to help me calm down a bit, but it only helped me stop shaking. This man and my daughter mean the world to me and I feel like my world has just been destroyed.

Grieving Bartold,

I am so very sorry for your loss. Relapse is tough to understand, and many times, it's tough to fight. He may have been battling with all of his might to stop himself from using, or he may have told himself that "one time for old time sakes isn't really a big deal."

I deal with addicts on a daily basis. It's a constant, vigilant self-monitoring and self inventory to stay clean or sober. Sometimes it's a thinking pattern or trigger that seems to come out of nowhere and the recovering addict is in a weak moment for whatever reason.

I know this is unbearably painful, but we will do everything we can to support you in this terrible time. You can cry, rant, rave, question and ramble all you want here.

My heart goes out to you,

ModKonnie

[jodianne07]

I know exactly how you feel. My fiance battled the disease of alcoholism for 16 years until it finally killed him on May 27th. We were supposed to get married on June 1st. I have cried so much that I dont think that I have any tears left. I also get very angry with him for not being strong enough to fight this for us. This disease is a very cunning, baffling, powerful disease. It has consumed far too many lives and continues to do so everyday. Please accept my condolences and keep posting, it is one way of getting through the grieving process. Jodianne

[jodianne07]

I know exactly how you feel. My fiance battled the disease of alcoholism for 16 years until it finally killed him on May 27th. We were supposed to get married on June 1st. I have cried so much that I dont think that I have any tears left. I also get very angry with him for not being strong enough to fight this for us. This disease is a very cunning, baffling, powerful disease. It has consumed far too many lives and continues to do so everyday. Please accept my condolences and keep posting, it is one way of getting through the grieving process. Jodianne