It's been over a year now...

[Raiatsu]

Its been over a year now that my father passed away in our house 9 days before he would have turned 56. He was diagnosed with late stage brain cancer two years and 8 months prior to that day and I didn't know or did accept that he would die until the day before he did. I watched him take his last breath and I wasn't even 18. I cried a bit then but then stopped. I didn't cry again until a month ago. It wasn't even my own father that I was crying about. I was crying over a TV character's loss. Ever since then I've been tearing up at the smallest things. I can't stand myself like this. I can't talk to my mom or my sister about it because I feel like it would make them start crying again and I don't want that. I don't know what to do. I don't think I miss him but I don't know what's happening. I rarely thought and think about him. It's not that I don't love him. It's just that I tend to push it out of my mind. I'm confused and I don't want to be.

[ModKonnie]

Its been over a year now that my father passed away in our house 9 days before he would have turned 56. He was diagnosed with late stage brain cancer two years and 8 months prior to that day and I didn't know or did accept that he would die until the day before he did. I watched him take his last breath and I wasn't even 18. I cried a bit then but then stopped. I didn't cry again until a month ago. It wasn't even my own father that I was crying about. I was crying over a TV character's loss. Ever since then I've been tearing up at the smallest things. I can't stand myself like this. I can't talk to my mom or my sister about it because I feel like it would make them start crying again and I don't want that. I don't know what to do. I don't think I miss him but I don't know what's happening. I rarely thought and think about him. It's not that I don't love him. It's just that I tend to push it out of my mind. I'm confused and I don't want to be.

Raiatsu,

I am very sorry about the loss of your father. After my father died, I actually did really okay until right after the year mark. Suddenly, I felt overwhelmed with sadness and grief. I think that's when the reality of the entire situation hit me or something, and my brain just suddenly figured out that my dad wasn't coming back or something. I know other people go through similar situations, so I think this is normal. I'm sure you will be able to work through this in a short while and move forward again.

We will support you as you work through this.

ModKonnie

[RoseDW]

Hi Raiatsu. I'm very sorry to hear about your dad. We are similar in age and so were our fathers. First I just want to let you know that each person experiences bereavement differently. Your reaction is completely normal and that things take time to heal. Anger, regret, confusion are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to feelings associated with grief. Time has passed since my dad's death to where I feel ok most of the time. Things have been very hectic as well so thoughts of my dad get pushed out. Little things throughout the day remind me of my dad and I just feel as devastated as when I first learned of his death. I hope it is of some comfort to know that you are not alone and you have support

[denemir]

Hi there, I'm going through the same thing as you. My dad passed away in 2009 late August and I was just 16.. the pain doesn't lessen and I still feel very sad whenever I think about how this loss is permanent and he's not coming back again.