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Can't remember what she looked like...


smkileydavis

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smkileydavis

My mom died a little over two weeks ago.... And for some reason, I am having a hard time conjuring up images of her in my head. I look at pictures of her and I think my brain just shuts me off and I have no emotional response and don't even recognize her... The only image I can ever think of is her in her bed at home dying... Being there when she took air in for the last time... I just want to go back to that... As trying as it was, I would rather have my mom in that state than not at all... To be there changing her, cleaning her, medicating her.... I can't believe she is dead and I feel like I have forgotten her outside of her last days... It is all just a blur... :(

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Smkileydavis

I can understand what you are saying somewhat, on my bad days I can only picture my dad lying on the road covered by a white sheet, as I arrived at the place he had passed away not knowing that he had died, seeing the ambulance officers and police surrounding him and being told he was dead, I then had to but also wanted to identify his body and be able to say my last goodbyes to him. I often try and force this image out of my head but more often than not this is all I see. I find at the moment I am trying to remember the sound or tone of his voice but mostly at the moment I can't remember it and we never owned a video camera so there will be nothing with his voice on there for me to listen to. My dad passed away 6 weeks ago, so maybe this is a normal thing that we are going through in the early piece of grieving?

As hard as it is for us to accept, our loved ones are gone from us in body but they always remain with us in our hearts and thoughts, they aren't in pain anymore. I have a lovely poem that I've had framed, I think it's called "One at rest" and when I read it (which I often do) it gives me a calming, soothing feel. If you're interested and you can't find it, then let me know and I'll send you a link for it on the internet.

Time is our enemy but also our friend, it's hard to live the days without our loved ones but given enough time, we learn to accept the fact that they are gone but we also learn that we are strong enough to make it through the days without them, it isn't always easy though!

Take care and I wish you peace

Dmc

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Hey,

My father passed away under similar conditions as your mother smkiley a little over a year ago. I can never really picture him outside of his bed being attended to by my mother and I but I can say this. Every once in awhile something triggers a memory of him. Him laughing at a stupid joke I made or telling me off for something. I forget the memory soon after but I remember remembering. I find that even though I can't picture him when he was healthy, the fact that I know I have remembered him and will continue to remember him keeps me going.

All I can say is: Don't force it. Anything can trigger it.

Raiatsu

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Hey,

My father passed away under similar conditions as your mother smkiley a little over a year ago. I can never really picture him outside of his bed being attended to by my mother and I but I can say this. Every once in awhile something triggers a memory of him. Him laughing at a stupid joke I made or telling me off for something. I forget the memory soon after but I remember remembering. I find that even though I can't picture him when he was healthy, the fact that I know I have remembered him and will continue to remember him keeps me going.

All I can say is: Don't force it. It will come to you in time. You'll laugh and maybe cry a bit but it helps.

Raiatsu

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