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So unsupportive when I need it most


Teacup

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I lost my father two months ago after his long and terrible battle with the flu. It turned into something so much worse, and eventually his body was just destroyed. We made so many hard decisions, they could keep him "alive" forever, but he'd be paralyzed, unable to speak or breathe on his own again. As a family we knew he would not want that, so we made the decision to take away all of the life support and let him pass. After that I did my best to get through the remainder of my classes and was looking forward to summer break to regain some of my strength. I had one class to finish through June, and then July and August to just plan out, would probably end up being lazy and having a little fun with friends and my boyfriend. But, my mother pushed me into a job so I will probably have to drop my class and take an f in the course, or take the class and get kicked out of my house and be alone forever. As you can imagine, after all of the things I've been through I am just fizzled out. I am so depressed, it hurts to wake up in the morning, and more and more hard decisions are being forced upon me and I just can't deal with them. My mother is willing to abandon me even when she knows how much pain I am in, when she knows how much I wanted to finish my class, when I need someone more than ever before in my life. It is like a double blow to my heart and head to see how unloved I am by my closet relative, why is she being so mean? What did I do? I've tried my best to hold everything together until now, but I'm so sad and torn, I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up.

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Hang in there. Sounds like your mother has real anger issues she is dealing with regarding your father's death, and is taking it out on you. Was there some disagreement between treatment between options for your dad between the two of you? Have you talked to her about this as far as your exhaustion and feelings? Is there any way you can speak to your (new) boss about working limited hours and finishing your class? It sounds like way too much to be dealing with after such a difficult event. My father died about 5 weeks ago and I let my professors know that I would only take a 2 hour course this summer. Fortunately I teach at a college and am off in the summer. Remember to spend time with friends and your boyfriend and lean close to those who are supportive. Hopefully your mom will come around. Take care.

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Hang in there. Sounds like your mother has real anger issues she is dealing with regarding your father's death, and is taking it out on you. Was there some disagreement between treatment between options for your dad between the two of you? Have you talked to her about this as far as your exhaustion and feelings? Is there any way you can speak to your (new) boss about working limited hours and finishing your class? It sounds like way too much to be dealing with after such a difficult event. My father died about 5 weeks ago and I let my professors know that I would only take a 2 hour course this summer. Fortunately I teach at a college and am off in the summer. Remember to spend time with friends and your boyfriend and lean close to those who are supportive. Hopefully your mom will come around. Take care.

The situation is a little bit different considering she divorced my father about 10 years ago. She was not really involved in any decision making, it was my step family, uncle, brother, and I who sat around the table and discussed these difficult issues. They were painful beyond belief for me, and watching my dear, once strong father take his last breath was deeply disturbing. I managed to go back to classes and finish some of them, but not without great difficulty. Now more than anything I want to dedicate my time to this class that I loved and get it out of the way, but it seems that "school is for the fall, work is for the summer". I said I could move out for the summer so I would not be such a bother to her, and she is willing to push me out the door without batting an eye, which hurts so very much. My only parent in my absolute greatest time of need is casting me away, this thought really drives me into a huge low. I don't know, I am just such a mess right now I can't think clearly and having her shove me around and push these decisions on me, threatening to throw me out if I don't do as she wishes, just makes me feel even worse. I am so tired, so so so tired all the time, sad and battling with extreme lows and trying my best to keep my head above water. I feel like everyday I am walloped with something else to feel anxious and stressed about, it feels like I will never be settled again. With classes, tests, papers, finals, etc., I have had no time to really process my emotions and thoughts. I was traveling 200 miles every weekend and weekday that called for it, trying to keep up with my father's highs and lows. I feel as though I never quite regained my energy and strength, and the only thing that kept me going was the thought of having a little time to relax and do something I enjoy, I lost about 10lbs off my small frame since all of this began. My friends, therapists, professors, all agree that I should be doing something right now that helps ease my pain, everyone except for my mother and grandmother. I thought a key factor in getting through the grieving process was having people to support you, and what would be my biggest support is pushing me deeper into depression and making me feel absolutely horrible about everything I do.

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