Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Celebrating a birthday


bellaherna

Recommended Posts

  • Members

Hi

I am new here and looking for some guidance.  We lost my stepson on Feb 17, 2007.  Sunday December 16 will be his birthday.  He would have been 21.  My husband has been having a hard time.  While I love my stepson and miss him dearly I know it is not the same pain that my husband feels.  We will be "celebrating" his birthday on Sunday by having a picnic where a tree was planted in his memory.  My husband just called me crying to ask me to order a cake for Sunday and what kind of cake did he like.  So I did and was taken off guard as to what to have written on it.  Happy Birthday seems out of place.  My heart breaks for my husband.  I don't know what to do for him.  I thought maybe someone here might have some suggestions.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

[user=18926]bellaherna[/user] - as with all newcomers I am sorry for the loss that finds you here.

No matter what you chose, the emotions on the day will always be hightened. 

As for the words on the cake, Happy Birthday might not seem so out of place.....it really is a celebration of the day of his birth........maybe just his name in decoration on the cake or even a photo of him with no written greeting.  Many cake shops here scan a photo thru a computer onto rice paper and it is used to decorate the centre or all of the top of the cake.

We celebrated my sons birthday 5 months after he died.   The cake chosen was his favourite and his name used across it with decorations.

I hope you find an answer if not here somewhere. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I think you are a great support by ordering the cake and participating with your husband.  More then anything he needs someone who will come along side him and listen and love him through his grief.  He needs someone to remember his precious son with him.   I think happy birthday with your step son's name on it is appropriate.  I know the occasion isn't a happy one  right now but it is the thought that your step son is remembered and loved on his birthday.  Also the days leading up to the birthday are sometimes even harder then the birthday itself. 

We had a cake for Joshua's birthday.  It said happy birthday on it.  Of course it was more for us in honor of Joshua then it was for him.  He would have been 11.  :(  We also got balloons (1 for each year of age he would be) to release.   We were going to release them but it got to late and dark so we thought we would release them the next day.  GASP!  All the helium ran out by morning so they wouldn't float.  We had each of our l/c pop a balloon and say a memory about Joshua and then it was the next persons turn until all the balloons were popped.  The kids had a great time and we got to remember good things about Joshua. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

this is such a difficult thing for those who have lost a child: we are so torn by the emptiness left by their passing yet know that without the birthday we would never have had them, so it's a joyous feeling yet that makes us sad as it is a reminder of our loss...it truly is a sort of hampster wheel of emotions (i hope that makes sense; i am not very clear headed today.)

i know this is too late to be of any help, but i think next year we will have a small cake that just says: Happy Birth Day. it's a small thing, but for me the split in the word 'birthday' is important...

i too am so sorry that you even have to ask such a question...

annie

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I have never posted to this site before, in fact, I just stumbled onto it by accident.  Ironic, as today would have been my son's 28th birthday.  He was killed in a horrible car crash on April 20, 2002 at the age of 22.  In total, 5 were killed.  He was a passenger in one of the cars.  For all of you just starting down this dark, frightening path, I want to reassure you that, although the pain does not go away, it does dull some with time.  I even have days when my first waking thought is not about the accident. This is the 6th birthday that has passed without him here.  I have done pretty well today, only cried one time.  My husband hasn't done as well, but we are very good at supporting each other.  I guess I really didn't have anything to say, just wanted to remember my son, my baby boy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you everyone for your kind words.  It was a very sad day but we got thru it together.  We had a picnic by his tree, sang "Happy" Birthday & ate cookie cake, talked about some of our best memories with Daniel.  I had prayed asking GOD to allow Daniel to be with us in some way that day.  We had brought along a boom box to play some music that he liked.  We couldn't get it to work but right after everyone was there my husband heard music playing in the distance.  It was a song that reminds us of Daniel--Daniel by Elton John.  Then the music got louder and it was reggae, including one of his favorites-Bob Marley's One Love-some of the same music we were going to play.  We all felt like he was there just listening to his music-there with us.

My heart goes out to all who have lost a precious one. 

Thank you & Bless you all

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.