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Separated one week ago


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I am new to the forum. My husband of 13 years and father of my 3 children secretly rented a house and moved out. He told my 2 oldest children to keep it a secret from me and had them convinced I would be moving with them. I found out from my younger child. Our marriage was not perfect by any stretch and I admit I contributed to the chaos but I believed the issues - which boil down to communication - were fixable. I guess he did not feel them same. Since he left, more has come to light about him that I did not know about. I now suspect years of infidelity including a possible 4th child that he has hidden from our family and I suspect illegal and unethical business practices by him (he owns his own business). I am also concerned about his temper and his lack of control at times. He has full blown rages. When I was present I could help mitigate tension with my 2 older children. Now that I am not around, I fear he could lose control and do not know what he might do. I do not want to keep my kids from their father. They love him and I believe he loves them too. But I do want to protect them. In fact, my husband left our home one week after a physical altercation with our oldest son that my parents also witnessed. On top of all of this, I am heartbroken by the manner in which he left And now treats me. I still love this man but I know I can never be with him again based on this situation. He has treated me with utter disregard and callousness. And it pains me that he tried to destroy or undermine my relationship with my children by directing them to lie to me. Now he is behaving toward me with cruelty — as if I did something wrong like step outside of our marriage. We have not spoken other than to text about the children, which I initiate at all times. No apology for the approach. Nothing. I can’t wrap my brain around how someone who claimed to love me, promised to commit to our marriage in front of God and everyone we love, and just one week earlier (before the altercation with our son) gave me unexpected gifts on Valentine’s Day could turn so quickly and severely against me. 

Any advice? I realize there are a host of issues here. 

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