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Still grieving after one year


Andy Chan

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Today’s our beautiful girl BB’s death anniversary. We brought her to the UK from HK in the new year of 2019, she was already 16, that’s when her health got downhill. I always think that I should wait and move to the other country after she died, rather than leaving her in HK for 5 months with my in-laws and then went back to get her after settlement. She got sick a week after arrival and we had to put her to sleep after all treatments options failed. She had only lived with us in the UK for 6 weeks.

I’m still grieving although she has gone for a year. I brought flowers to where she was cremated and I couldn’t stop crying while driving home. I cried again today at my desk in the office. I can’t tell my wife how sad I am right now  cos I know she’s also in pain and guilty; and I’m the only man in a family of 4.

Is it normal after such a long time or do I need to go to see a psychiatrist?

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Yes it is normal.  My Arlie is gone six months four days ago and I am still grieving, I imagine I always will although little by little I'm processing my grief and realizing his absence in my life...it still hurts, I will love and miss him all my life.  It's okay to talk to your wife about how you're feeling, it won't add to her grief and it just might lessen her load a bit, knowing she's not in this alone.  You certainly don't need a psychiatrist over this, although a professional grief counselor that specializes in pet loss might be of help.  I don't know if they have them where you live, we do in the states and some even by telephone.

I am so sorry for your loss.  Your little dog is beautiful, I understand your feelings of loss.  
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/a-bill-of-rights-for-grieving-animal.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2011/10/finding-support-for-pet-loss.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/09/is-pet-loss-comparable-to-loss-of-loved.html

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I am so so sorry for your loss. I think it is normal as well as KayC said. Perhaps you were not able to allow yourself to fully grieve her passing when it happened? It does take time and patience. It's a process for all of us. We are still heartbroken over our cat and it's been over 2 years. 

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