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Sudden loss of my Dad - ‘new’ to grief


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The past couple of years have been the hardest years of my life. I have lost my cousin, my grandad and my dad within the last 2 years. I was close with all three them. I haven’t lost anyone close to me until now and so the whole grief thing is very very new to me. The grieving process for each person has been completely different and I am finding the loss of my dad the hardest. 

Dads death was very unexpected, sudden and came as a complete shock to me and my family. 

99% of the time I don’t even know how I’m feeling as I have a million and one things going on in brain at once and I can’t pinpoint how I’m feeling so I just come across as rude and irritable. I’ve found that I have quite a negative outlook on life at the moment which is the complete opposite of what I’m usually like and I’m finding that very difficult. 

I don’t feel like I have much conversation or motivation to do things at the moment and it worries me! Dad died almost a year ago and I thought I’d be over this part of my grief? It frustrates me that the stages of grief aren’t logical and come one after the other. 

I’m struggling with the relationship with my mum. I live at home with my mum and my brother and I genuinely feel like I can’t do anything for me whereas my brother can do what he likes. I understand that mum is grieving as well as she has lost her husband but I feel like there is so much pressure on me to look after her. She’s never asked me to look after but I feel like I need to? I’m worried about leaving her on her own especially in the evenings because I don’t want her to be on her own with no one to talk to or do things with. She tells me to go out and do my own thing but whenever I do, I can hear the sadness in her voice and I am so conflicted as to what to do. But being at home so much is really weighing on me and making me sad. 

I honestly don’t know what to do. I need time for myself but I’m also quite lonely

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Dear KBlue,

I'm so sorry for your loss. There is a lot on your shoulders coping with your grief and being a support to your mum. Be gentle with yourself. There is no fixed timeline to grief and our feelings can change very quickly moment to moment. I think it might help to find a grief counselor to talk to at church or in the community. Maybe joining a grief support group and having others to talk to will be helpful. 

I also found these websites helpful:

What's Your Grief

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

We are here with you.

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