Some things I've learned

[MODArtemis2019]

Before my husband's death, there were so many things about this grieving process I had never considered. Although I had lost my parents, other relatives, and beloved pets, I was never hit so hard as I was with the loss of my husband. Now I understand that when your spouse dies, the foundation of your life crumbles. It is gone. You have to rebuild from the bottom up, and do it alone. 

Another thing I've learned in this process is that grieving takes time and mental space. I've been very busy with work the past month and I see how work steals time and presence from the grieving process. It takes time to be with your feelings, to write in your journal, visit this forum, or to make plans to honor your partner's memory. It requires mental space to do all that as well. 

Somehow I find it helpful to recognize these new insights I never asked for. 

[KayC]

You are so right.  It helps to have a portion of every day that we can be alone with our thoughts and allow ourselves to grieve.  It's hard, it hurts but it's part of our processing it.  Work can help distract us (if we can focus on it) but we can't put off our grieving indefinitely so just keeping busy so as not to think isn't an overall plan, yet we do have to work.  Balance is key as in everything.

I, too, have lost so many people, but nothing hits the same as losing your partner.  Our lives were totally entwined, we relied on each other emotionally, financially, domestically, for everything.  It's hard to fathom life without them, it was the biggest shock to my system.