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Forever in my heart


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How do you deal with the loss of a child? Because, even though he was still in my belly, he was my child. My third unborn life but the farthest along, 20 weeks. Far enough to see his sweet face in a 4D ultrasound. Far enough for my stomach to swell with his presence and to feel him move inside of me. I don’t know how to cope. It feels wrong to still live my life, to wake up and go to work every day knowing that he is no longer with me. I know that I will never be able to see his face, see his first smile, his first steps, hear his voice or smell his smell. I will never hold him to my breast or snuggle his little body to mine.


The milk my breasts produced will never go to nourishing his body. Instead it sits inside of my engorged chest and I try to not think about how it is meant for someone that is no longer with me.


My fiancé is coping in his own way and we try to distract ourselves with movies on the couch. Nighttime is the worst because there is nothing to distract you while you are laying in the dark. The thoughts just come, piling in on one another until there are so many that it’s hard to focus through the pain. I try to be strong and choke it back because crying doesn’t make it any better. Nothing makes it better. I don’t want to upset anyone else so I fake a strong facade all day. I’m living through the grief but it doesn’t feel much like living. It feels like living like a zombie, making the motions but with no meaning.


How do you deal with the loss of an unborn child?



Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com

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