Members Rage Posted April 18, 2011 Members Report Share Posted April 18, 2011 I lost my Mom last month to addiction; she had cirrhosis of the liver for several years. She quit drinking, but switched to pills. The relationship that we had was often unstable and filled with lots of conflict. Over the last five years, I emotionally distanced myself from her. I did not completely cut her out of my life, but I allowed myself to develop boundaries in order to save myself from being emotionally abused. Unfortunately, I'm feeling extreme guilt for distancing myself. I feel as if I could have stopped her death from happening if I maintained more contact with her. The last conversation we had was a fight where I told her that I had major issues forgiving her for the abuse that she inflicted upon me due to being an addict. One week later, I received word that she was in a coma. I went to see her, and I forgave her while she lay unconscious. I have horrible flashbacks of her in the hospital, constantly. I also remember the good times, which makes me miss her terribly. The whole family knew she wasn't doing well, but none of us thought she had such little time left. She would have had more, but she stupidly took pills, and those were too much for her system to process. I feel like my grief is complicated due to the turbulence in her life and our relationship. It's horrible to lose a parent at a young age, but it's even more horrible to lose one under such awful circumstances. I can't go out into the world without feeling like fighting someone. I can't sleep well, I don't have much of an appetite, and I spend a good amount of my day wishing I could have resolved the fight we had prior to her death. This is truly the worst thing I have ever been through, and I've been through a lot. Anyone else have an addict parent leave them in such a state? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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