It Just Keeps Coming

[TAM1]

Nearing the 3-year mark since Len passed, a friend told me recently, “I’ve been hoping you wouldn’t have to go through anymore waves.”  This was after my 14^th annual review last week and it was the worst in my career (not one positive thing was said) and I lost my bonus.  I’m keeping this short but this should not have happened but office politics played a large part.  There was not one positive thing said during that review.

Also received a call and letter from Prudential insurance today that Len’s son had informed them of his death and there is an insurance policy and his deceased mother is beneficiary so it’s part of the estate.  The letter is asking me to reopen probate with the court and provide original death certificates and other original, certified documents.  Probate closed 2 years ago and I have no plans to resurrect it and do not have to.

I try to pretend or ignore this but the work issue is painful because I did my very best work this year.  The other business will go in the shredder and legally, I don’t have to be the executor anymore.  On the way this evening I felt everything, all of the losses the last three years, just roll over onto me.  Once again I was saying, "I miss my home, I miss Missy, I miss Len and how he would say, "Ho De Ho!" when I got home and that part of a life that was. I guess there are times when it all comes back to us again and this is another of those times. 

[Heart&Soul]

I feel your pain.  Today I have had the wave hit me hard.  I have been crying all day.  I  miss my husband so much and I only want him to console me.  I don't want to do this anymore without him.  It's too hard.  I feel so alone.  I wasn't supposed to be alone.  He was supposed to be with me.  My best friend my love my everything. 

[KayC]

Oh Tam, I'm so sorry about the review!  I've done a lot of employee evaluations and a good supervisor will always leave something positive, if they truly felt there was nothing positive they would have fired you, I don't get it but it must be as you say, politics.

And for him to come up with this two years after you closed probate, that's nuts!  He can surely collect on the insurance w/o that, don't know why he waited so long.  Not your problem!

@Heart&Soul  I know this is hard, just hang in there one more day, then tomorrow do it again, that's how I've gotten by.  I can't believe this much time has gone by, sometimes it gets old, but once in a great while I feel a waft of happiness wave over me for a split second and then it's gone.  I'll take it no matter how fleeting it is.  Sometimes I imagine my husband here with his arms around me, I close my eyes...

[foreverhis]

18 hours ago, TAM1 said:

The letter is asking me to reopen probate with the court and provide original death certificates and other original, certified documents.

That seems nonsense, at least in CA.  My husband's life insurance policy was not part of the estate.  Insurance policies, retirement accounts, etc. that have named beneficiaries on the accounts are not treated as part of the probate estate.  If Len's son wants to file the claim with Prudential, he will need a certified copy of the death certificate and he will need to fill out the forms.  I don't understand why Prudential is after you in any way.  Strange.

I'm sorry about your work situation.  I had to deal with that some myself in the past.  Is it possible to talk to your HR department?  Companies have to live by at least some regulations governing reviews, treatment of employees, etc.  You have had enough challenges and heartbreak!

[mydeepestthoughts]

Sorry to hear how the day is hitting you From all sides..Grief can manifest itself in many ways, And sometimes when things snowball it just compounds it...

I look forward to a time When we can have true emotional , and mental peace. I live in New York and what helps me is constant  prayer.. So many disruptive things here to disturb your peace.

The advice found at Philippians 4:7 Has been a calming factor in my life- maybe it can add to your peace..It reads “Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving, let your petitions be made known to God;  7 and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your mental powers by means of Christ Jesus.”

The power of prayer is real..but many during grief filled periods may feel a disconnect from God , reasoning if he cared they wouldn’t be going through this pain and grief.

But is that the case?

Hopefully,  the attach brochure, will give you a peaceful heart.

https://www.jw.org/en/library/books/good-news-from-god/what-hope-for-the-dead/#?insight[search_id]=65cb1c2f-b39e-486f-9239-6321430b467a&insight[search_result_index]=1

 

May you have a beautiful day

 

[TAM1]

I sent the Prudential documents to the Probate attorney who told me he will handle it - this can be handled according to the final order so I will let that go.

Day-by-day is what this year and this review is about. With Thanksgiving I've got a few days off to regroup. I was also told during the review, "Back in January you came 'this close" to losing your job" and "we're overstaffed as it is with secretaries..."  I will get over and through this  - it just takes me taking time for myself, to regroup.  

I'm having left hip replacement mid February and will be off for three weeks to recuperate and I'm not skipping the physical therapy. I cancelled last time due to my sense of duty to those I work for but not this time. I have not told management and will wait until early January.  

[KayC]

16 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I don't understand why Prudential is after you in any way.  Strange.

Maybe they wrote the letter at his son's request.  It seems odd to me too.  TAM, I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I think you're doing well to put your needs first, esp. as you see how much the company cares about you. I wish you had a job that didn't treat you this way, esp. after 14 years of devotion to it.