Sudden loss of my dad

[Starling]

I lost my dad a week ago on August 8th.  I found him in the bathroom fully dressed for the day.  I was sleeping and went to the bathroom and found him.  At first, I thought he was cleaning something from the floor.  I called him and shook him but no response.  He was still warm.  I had a house guest and woke her up while I called 911. We couldn’t roll him over.  I didn’t know it then but my friend said he already didn’t have a pulse.  The paramedics came and said I shouldn’t feel guilty, there is nothing I could have done.  It appeared to be a massive event.  My dad was fine the night before.  He was at dinner with us.  He was awake at 10:30 having his cereal snack as he did most nights, but this was later than usual.  The week before, he had angioplasty in his leg and the doctor said everything was clear.  There was no blockage in his heart that had to be removed.  I am really devastated.  I am an only child and I lived with my dad.  My mom passed away three years ago this month.  Today was her birthday.  For three years, it was the two of us.  I am a grown adult with a career and I chose to live with my family.  Now I am on my own for the first time.  I had no preparation and this coupled with my feelings of disbelief over my dad being gone so suddenly has left me broken.  I feel devastated.  I can’t distract myself enough to ease my mind.  I keep thinking that I should have done something despite hearing that I couldn’t.  He was so happy and had such a good time the night before.  What a cruel world to take people so quickly.  He was 73, his time came far too soon.

[reader]

Dear Starling,

I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved dad. My deepest sympathies and condolences. It doesn't matter how old we are or how old our parents are, its horribly hard to lose our anchor in this world and carry on without them.

Please know all your questions and thoughts are normal. Be gentle and kind to yourself during this sad and difficult time.

Thinking of you.

[Starling]

Thank you for your kind words.  I am having a hard time motivating myself every day.  I have to go back to work on Monday and I don’t know how I am going to function.

[reader]

Dear Starling,

Grief is very raw and it takes a long time. I found the first year the hardest and to think for you it was only a week ago. Take your time. I'm sure you boss and colleagues will know how hard it is. If possible maybe time some vacation time or bank time and delay going back to work. Its moment to moment for all of us that first year.

Thinking of you. Know that we are all with you.