The Storm The Calm

[Sunflower2]

"When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person that walked in.  That's what the storm is all about."

~Haruku Murakami~

I don't have dates set in my consciousness but the dates are definitely embedded in my unconsciousness. 

I don't know how to define anniversaries as they mean different things for different people.  I've never prepped for an anniversary and I don't see myself taking that on now as any ritual.  Anniversaries have a spontaneous flow of emotions. 

Next week is the beginning of life events that began to unravel my world.  I noticed this as I was re-visiting my schedule for next week.  Beginning next week I will experience my first trauma followed within 5 weeks of the sudden loss of my partner of 35 years.  All being worked through while knowing and caring for a mother who was ready to transition but stayed a little longer simply to make sure I was somewhat grounded. Yes I was blessed with beautiful loving parents. 

Next year will be 2 years when my world changed forever. Surviving the first trauma was a miracle but recovery slowed with the death of my partner.

I have found myself in this extreme place of calm since my trip up north with the view of one of Michigan's great lakes maybe 400 ft from the deck.  It was captivating.  Went with no expectations. No anxieties. I'm still in that space of calm.  In therapy we call it "leisurely pattern hold."  A healthy place to be and a wonderment to experience.  Realizing how much my body was holding carrying all that pain and trauma. It was a gift given to me. This gift was from a friend who has not yet experienced the loss of a partner yet she simply knew.  She never witnessed my relationship. She simply felt the energy I carried of what we had. In sharing that you always "be open to receive."  People do "get it" who haven't experienced a magnitude of such a loss. The space and time was without a doubt engineered and created by Wayne and my parents. xo  These are they gifts they send us.  Be open.

I have no plans or expectations as to what the 2nd year "anniversaries" will bring.   I know that whatever is given to me I will be open to receive and move through it as its meant to be moved through.  

In my yoga practice yesterday the teacher presented to us in peace and light these four words which I will leave you with:  FEEL  LEARN GROW LOVE

To those beginning this journey I send light and love and inner strength.

~Sunflower~

 

 

 

[Rhonda R]

I'm too knew in this to comment on 2nd year anniversaries but I have found that days that I am "prepared for" aren't necessarily the bad days.  It might be the day before or the few days after.  This is so true, we will never be the same after coming through this storm. Things that were important to me no longer are.  Things I used to get upset about seem trivial.  My husband and I had all the "toys".  Without him, none of it means anything. 

[Billie Rae]

Sunflower,that is beautiful,your words captured my heart in a huge way.
Thank you.
Love Billie

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[Michelene]

I am glad you were able to find some space to "be"

[JES]

@Sunflower2  I am glad you were able to experience this calm. I too have been spending days at cottage and experiencing some of the calm that Lake Superior brings, the sound of the waves, the solitude or at night just watching the spiders in their beautifuly woven webs.  Its nice to feel alittle peace in these moments. We definitely need this. Thinking of all. Jeanne