Sudden loss of dad

[Andyj]

My lovely dad passed away 4 weeks ago. I am devastated, no other word to describe it. What makes it so much worse is that dad did not need to die. A complication arose during a routine surgical procedure and dad suffered a catastrophic heart attack. He had so many plans, death was not on his radar. He was a healthy man apart from this small issue. And now he is gone. We never got to say goodbye, to say all that needed to be said. I was tasked with identifying his body so I got a few minutes alone with him to say what I should have said to him every day I had him. I am haunted by this, I am angry this happened. I also have to watch my mother fall apart, she is beyond grief stricken. This all happened so fast it feels like he was plucked from this earth, he is everywhere. All his things are as he left them. I don’t know how to handle this. People say cry, but this is all I do and I don’t feel better for it and I think I am starting to annoy people now, but I have no control when the tears come. I have avoided all drugs, alcohol etc because I thought it best to confront my grief but it is not getting any better. Life is cruel, my dad was such a wonderful man, he loved me so much. I just want him back..

[SoloAtatürk]

Hi Andyj

I am sorry for the loss of your precious dad.

Dont put yourself under pressure.

4 weeks is not long ago. It is one of the hardest and devastating moments we experience in our lifes.Grief is a huge complex emotion,its very individual and it is the price you pay for love.I can tell you i know your pain.It can take a year some doctors say even up to 3 years or even more till some people can get over a tremendous loss. Do not feel unnormal, people who say just get over it dont know how it is feeling.

My dad died a year ago and also to early. I was completely lost for months, i barely could not live and still i am struggling.  I was with him when he started to die and like you i wished i could tell him how much i appreciated him. I realized it is tough to talk about it with friends because most of them have not yet experienced this kind of pain.So its good you talk about it here because it will help you a bit.

Do you have siblings you can talk to or your mother? 

What helped me a little , i bought books about grief to have some advices,i read posts in grief forums of other people,i talked alot with my mother about it, i went to the gym to let the huge anger out,i tried to think about the good times we had and to be thankfull for this time, i wrote..Maybe you write a letter to your dad with everything you wanted to tell him or you start a journal and write down your feelings it could help.

Again my deepest condolences

 

 

[nuvar]

Hi Andyj, sorry to hear of your loss. 

Just to let u know we're all here to read what you typed. Some of us have similar experiences but can be also different. The grief however, is something we are all trying to come to terms with.

First few months into it will be torturous and you will be feeling sad all the while because the wounds are fresh, but the pain does get dull and sometimes re-surges. You probably need professional help or at least to speak to friends, relatives or people who can lend a helping hand.

Take care and do not hesitate to post updates on this thread, while we may not always respond, we will always read