prentice mathis 3 WEEKS EXACT & MELTING DOWN TODAY

[JoyR]

Today is 3weeks since my nightmare. I am having a full blown meltdown over his passing. I've called and text his family in search of any info on my locket for his ashes. He STILL HASNT been cremated. What's going on ? I can't handle this anymore. My baby is gone. He left me. 

 His ex had insurance on him which was without his permission by the way as I was present when he requested it be cancelled to her and the company. And she continued without his knowledge. Now he died and this B*** is more happy about how good he left her then him. 

Guys you don't know the half. I never got to be involved in his funeral arrangements and chose to step back to keep the peace and just wanted a proper burial which he wanted cremation . No one asked for me help or showed concern for my loss as she now became the riding white horse. Ok so I let that not bother me since I knew he grew up with her and regretted dating her since it ruined a friendship they had. Unbeknownst to her I supported the friendship but didn't want her invaded our lives or boundaries. Which every female he dealt with overstep and I basically had to stand my ground untill he finally but and end to it . So now I'm left with someone ELSE who wasn't with  him planning MY boyfriend funeral, family turned distant as of course I became bad guy. And never got involved. LUCKILY his favorite cousin who I know helped me thru this mess. I was able to get a private viewing of my beloved hubby and helped and bought my flowers and things for his wake. I couldn't even go to the funeral because after going to the wake and seeing exes there trying to grieve as if they were together was unbearable. So I Did not go. Now my only resources of information is related thru his cousin. To top that off the ex had his phone cut off she knew his code so did I and I had to have it turned back on because we shared it and it sentimental to me. 

Out of anger I cursed her out and only got a reply saying your mourning him and I'm not worried about someone who cant help me .and she'll continue to be happy getting her checks as she is good. 

Now for me I care less about that . What I don't like is that he's currently being mistreated and forgotten and of no value after death. He is still valuable to me. I'm unable to get death certificate, autopsy and am left in the dark on everything regarding MY BOYFRIEND THAT LIVED WITH ME.  I don't have urn or ashes and my locket will be the only piece that came from his body. 

Does anyone know how it feels to have not been able to grieve properly and say my last goodbye to someone I love due to this. I feel betrayed by certain family members and if he were her these things would never occur. I feel he can't even have a voice because he is DEAD. My voice is useless right now. All I want is my baby and he not coming back. I wish bad things on them right now and his killers. I'm so deeply traumatized by this but I have a way of hiding it very well in public eyes. Or speaking. But alone with my thoughts and emotions I am TORMENTED TO MY CORE  . AND PHYSICALLY sick. I passed out and vomitted uncontrollable once seeing him first . I still have uncontrollable crying and sick in my house. I'm eating once every couple days.No sleep. Alcohol is my friend . I'm not over doing it just out trying to pretend my life is normal and people die everyday I never speak of it . I'm so upset and bothered today my mind is not at rest 3 weeks today. I am not able to stop crying I'm locked in my room and I don't even want to go on. 

 

[KayC]

I have not experienced what you are going through but have been on grief forums for 14 years and in that time I have heard plenty of others being shut out by family, it seems a huge betrayal not only to you but to him, as this would not be his wishes.  As I've said before, people aren't always at their best when grieving and his family seems to be showing that.

I've never heard of waiting over three weeks before cremating.  Are they waiting on the autopsy to be done first?  It seems an autopsy would be done right away!  Can you get a copy of the report directly from the police?  They know you were living together, that should mean something.

As for the person collecting insurance benefits, has that been reported to the company?  when you get divorced, life insurance in the spouse's name is canceled, it's law, unless they agree to it and sign off on it.  I don't see how just any random person can have life insurance without their say so.   It's different with kids involved, but even then they have to sign for it.  I had two kids with my XH but life insurance on him was canceled when he divorced me so my kids would have been high and dry if he'd died.

I do hope you've let the police know you want reported to when they know something from their investigation...it could be quite a while as they usually don't release much information so as to not hinder prosecution.

I'm so sorry you weren't able to attend the funeral.  I wish you could have.  Have you thought of having a memorial for you and his friends, maybe the cousin, to share your memories, what he meant to you?  We did that for my sister last year, she was severely disabled and didn't have "friends" but she had her family and foster family and we had a potluck at a park to get together and remember her.  

 

[JoyR]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

I have not experienced what you are going through but have been on grief forums for 14 years and in that time I have heard plenty of others being shut out by family, it seems a huge betrayal not only to you but to him, as this would not be his wishes.  As I've said before, people aren't always at their best when grieving and his family seems to be showing that.

I've never heard of waiting over three weeks before cremating.  Are they waiting on the autopsy to be done first?  It seems an autopsy would be done right away!  Can you get a copy of the report directly from the police?  They know you were living together, that should mean something.

As for the person collecting insurance benefits, has that been reported to the company?  when you get divorced, life insurance in the spouse's name is canceled, it's law, unless they agree to it and sign off on it.  I don't see how just any random person can have life insurance without their say so.   It's different with kids involved, but even then they have to sign for it.  I had two kids with my XH but life insurance on him was canceled when he divorced me so my kids would have been high and dry if he'd died.

I do hope you've let the police know you want reported to when they know something from their investigation...it could be quite a while as they usually don't release much information so as to not hinder prosecution.

I'm so sorry you weren't able to attend the funeral.  I wish you could have.  Have you thought of having a memorial for you and his friends, maybe the cousin, to share your memories, what he meant to you?  We did that for my sister last year, she was severely disabled and didn't have "friends" but she had her family and foster family and we had a potluck at a park to get together and remember her.  

 

He was never married . They were never married. No kids

[JoyR]

We spoke of a separate memorial. I'll have my own headstone . And also a new obituary for myself.

[KayC]

21 hours ago, JoyR said:

We spoke of a separate memorial. I'll have my own headstone . And also a new obituary for myself.

Good for you!

And I hadn't had the impression he'd been married, just stating the law.  If an ex-wife with kids can't have an insurance policy without consent, how can an XGF?

[JoyR]

He had concerned prior when he was in prison. She opened joint account with him. He wasn't computer literate. So always had these women do things he needed. 

Fast forward to our relationship . He saw that became an issue since she would harrass about money coming out her account. He would pay. Until he got his own account . That's when problem arose. He found out he was Not the policy holder after calling insurance company himself trying to make changes to switch his bank. Then he realized he had no control. He asked for paperwork m to be mailed to update it and take his name off and separate it. Then his ex said she would send it an never did. He argued to let it cancel and he didn't want her in charge of it. Months later upon his passing which we thought was cancelled found out she never did an was still paying the policy. So nothing I can do nor him since he is deceased

[JES]

@JoyR I am so sorry for the loss of your love.  I think doing your own obituary is a very good idea. People can be so cruel...and some are just out for what they can get.  But they will need to atone for it someday. In meantime lean on your real friends and try to take care of yourself. I know its hard to do...hard to even think straight.  I lost husband 10 months ago and felt alot of what you are feeling.....this is one of the hardest losses we will ever go through.  I believe you can go to courthouse or call clerk of courts in county where he passed, to get a death certificate.  I am sorry they are putting you through this.  I found it helpful also to drink protein drinks, ensure, Boost or even Atkins drinks in those first months when appetite isnt there. It will at least give you some calories that your body needs. Your emotions will be up and down and all over the place for awhile. Its normal in this kind of loss to feel many emotions that we have no control over. Im praying you will be able to find alittle peace. Sending hugs. Jeanne

[JoyR]

7 hours ago, JES said:

@JoyR I am so sorry for the loss of your love.  I think doing your own obituary is a very good idea. People can be so cruel

Thank you. And I'm sorry as well for loss of your husband. I'm doing my best to be strong but that's only in public eyes. No one will know what I'm truly feeling as I refuse to show it. But alone I can't think my mind isn't at rest.

I've been hanging out to take my mind away somewhere else but it's a constant nagging in my head. So drained. Thanks for everything.