7 months in...

[Gail SB.]

This July 11th will be 7 months since my father passed. The first three months were very difficult for me. I had trouble sleeping and thoughts of "what I could have done differently" was always on my mind. The first birthdays and holidays without him have been hard. I feel as though I've accepted his death, but at times, I find myself getting upset for no apparent reason. I also get jealous when I see my friends having "healthy" fathers. I think to myself, "why is your father alive and mine isn't?" I never had these thoughts before and I feel bad for even thinking that, but it's the truth. It's not fair that my Dad is a pile of dust and yours is living and breathing. Perhaps, I'm still in the "Angry" phase of my grief. Not sure if these thoughts will subside, but I sure hope that they do. Thanks for reading. 

[Nicole-my grief journey]

Gail,

I’m so sorry for your loss and heartbreak. I have felt the same regarding my mother and I just lost my uncle who was a second father figure to me. Thank you for expressing truthfully what you are feeling because so many of us feel it too. I know that we don’t get to keep people we love forever, but even in knowing that, does it in NO WAY make it any easier to accept. My heart goes out to you and you have my empathy. I’m coming up on the 1 yr anniversary of my mom’s passing and I still don’t think I’ve truly accepted it. Prayers for some kind of peace for all of us. 

Hugs,

Nicole

[Gail SB.]

Thank you, Nicole. I appreciate your reply. I'm sorry for the loss of your Mom. Yes, prayers for us all on our grief journey. 

[reader]

Dear Gail,

I'm so sorry, I know hard it is to miss your cherished dad. Please know all your thoughts and feelings are very normal part of grief. Its so hard to see others with their parents. I know I too miss my dad terribly and wish so much he was still here with us.

Continue to your time and to grieve. Grief is a very long journey, I know the first year to two years is the hardest.

Thinking of you.

[ImissMyMommy]

Gail,

I am truly sorry for your loss. It has been just over 4 months since I lost my mother and I have those exact same feelings. I've actually found myself going through a list of my friends in my head and most of them all still have their mothers, and it doesn't seem fair. Why did my mother have to die so young? Before she got to be a grandmother, before she got to see me get married? Why did she have to suffer for so long with her illnesses and struggle to keep up with all those meds that made her even more sick and have more side effects for her life to end the way that it did? None of it seems fair. Especially when I was so close to my mother and she was my best friend. It hurts so bad that she was taken from me so soon. I imagined us growing old to be two grumpy old ladies together, still talking, still watching our favorite shows, still spending time together even in our old ages. But I guess God had other plans for us. I am trying so hard to think about the positives (she is no longer suffering, she is in a better place) and all those canned sayings that people tell you to keep you from wanting to end it all, but I still can't help but feel sad, angry, and resentful. So just know that you're not alone. Prayers for comfort for you in the days to come...