One year - what to do

[Epope]

June 17th will be one year since Derek passed. It's a Monday. 

I don't know what to do on that day. Treat it like it's a normal day? I know everyone says I shouldn't pressure myself to "be" or "do" anything. Some have said to try to "make it a good day". To be honest, I have residual anger over everything and it's rearing it's ugly head already. Images of coming home and finding him are slowly coming back. I know Derek wouldn't want me to spend the day in bed shutting out the world, but I'm having trouble feeling at peace with a day that took so much from me. I'm also having trouble not being so angry at him for dying. He passed from an accidental drug overdose and this is honestly the first time I've been able to be open with those words. 

How has anyone else dealt with the 1 year? 

[JES]

@Epope  I am just over 8 months but in thinking I would like to not remember the day myself or do anything special. It was the worst day of my life......nothing will make "that" day better. I choose to remember his birthday, our anniversary, the day we met, the special days and events.....and just hope for "that day"to go by quickly. Others may feel different...just my thoughts. Hope you find peace in your decision. Thinking of you. Jeanne

[KayC]

Honestly I never have figured out how to do the day and it'll be 14 years for me on the 19th.  The first year anv seemed the hardest to me.  It can help to plan out how you're going to do the day but I think it;s different for everyone.  Some may choose to treat it like any other day, others may choose to go to the gravesite, others spend time with family/friends.  I like to spend time in nature, George and I always did that, we loved drives, hikes, walks, it is soothing.  Praying you find the best way for YOU.

[Scott A]

I've not reached the one year mark of my wife's passing, but did reach her birthday.  Make it a good day wasn't possible. I followed by heart and did what felt right for me, without regard for what anyone else thought, suggested or said. They don't know my grief.  I'm glad I followed my heart.

[Kal1120]

I recently hit the one year mark, and I honestly didn’t handle things so well. Obviously death is permanent. I realize that, but for some reason hitting that one year mark made it feel even more permanent. I wish I would have handled it “better,” but am trying to not be so hard on myself either. However you decide to spend the day will (hopefully) be what is right for you. 

[KayC]

By the time I'd reached my one year mark, I felt I deserved a badge of courage or something!  Making it through a year of "firsts without" was so hard.  So many have told me the second year was harder, but for me, I don't feel that way...maybe because they were in shock the first year, I don't know, but nothing was worse to me than finding out he died, and having to go through so many milestones without him, learning to live without him, and all those triggers too!