My best friend was murdered

[Mica]

2½ years ago my boyfriend died of an overdose. I was just starting to learn to live with that and move onto a new relationship and find some modicum of peace (?) in part thanks to my best friendI whom I reconnect with in June 2017....

 In March he was murdered by his partner. 

I don't know how to live with that. My friends I met through him have banded together and we support each other and my current bf has been a huge support but I feel so so lost. 

I don't know what to say in this post of what I'm hoping for. I've had several friends overdose  but I have no frame of reference for this.

It was brutal and I know way more details than I wanted and the imagery makes me crazy sometimes. And the fact that his murseree was also my good friend before this so I've lost two friends in one go.

I don't know. I'm grasping at straws for meaning or.... Anything. How do I wrap me head around something I'd expect to watch in Forensic Files or CSI. How do i not drown in the never agains and never wills? or the fear of who I will lose next? I need anything anyone can offer. I'm so lost

I don't know how to be without my friend. He knew me in ways no one else did. I could talk to him about absolutely anything and everyhing. I've never trusted anyone like I trusted him. And now he's gone and I do t know how to accept that. I still feel like he's here and I'm just waiting for him to come back.

I don't know. I don't know why I'm posting here I just don't know what to do. 

I need to find a grief support group, I know , but I can't find one in real life I can get to and I found this in my bookmarks. I think I posted about my bf a couple years ago I dunno. 

I'm sorry. I'm just lost. I dunno why today is so particularly hard.

I'm just rambling now. I'm sorry