New to site. Lost my Mom/best friend

[Crissya1981]

Hello everyone. My name is Crystal and I am 29 on April 10, 2010 I lost my best friend, the one person I could always count on and that was my Mom. It has been such a tough year. For the last ten years my Moms health had been fading. In 2000 she had a brain anuerysm that the doctors told us should have killed her. She was diabetic and had high blood pressure they told me she would never make it out of surgery. She did and she came through with little damage. She was blind in her left eye and had some short term memory loss. At that time I was single with no children. The following year I got married and now have 3 wonderful children one of which is a step but I consider her mine. My Mama always said that she prayed every night that God let her live to see her grandkids born and them be able to remember her. In 2008 my mother suffered 8 strokes and once again was told that she would never make it out of the hospital. But she did once again our miracle. My son was four and my daughter was 2. She came home this time with a few more problems her memory had gotten a little worse and she was weak. She could still function very well and on good days could spend quality time with her grandkids. I would run to the store and leave them with their Nana. In December of 2009 she started having issues she would get very angry because she could not remember how to turn the water on or off little things like this. I took her to her regular M.D and he told me he thought the strokes had caused her to be in the beginning stages of dementia. Things started slowly going down hill from there. In the beginning of March she was hospitalized her blood pressure was extremely high. Then a week before her 54th birthday she was hospitalized and the hospital told me she was fine but they wanted her to follow up with her regular doctor and she needed a swallow test. They had not been able to do it because she had been nauseated. That was on Thursday and on Friday I took her to her regular MD. He scheduled an appointment for the swallow test for that Monday her birthday. We went in thinking we would do the test and go home. Instead the lady who conducted the test came out to speak with me and apologize for not doing the test on Thursday. My mother was silently aspirating everytime she ate or drank anything. She would need a feeding tube. We were rushed downstairs to Er and from there she was admitted. The following day she had surgery to put in the feeding tube everything went well. She came out and was in a good mood other than the fact she would never taste food again. On Wednesday they took her for a test to see why she all of a sudden needed the feeding tube and found she had yet again had another stroke. Later that afternoon she started talking out of her head. The doctor told me it was nothing to worry about. On Friday I got a call around 5:30 in the morning telling me she had been moved to ICU and I needed to get there. Her blood pressure was so high they had to put her on a drip. I am an only child but I had the support of my aunts and we started worrying that maybe this was all a little more serious than we had thought. On Sunday she was taken to a private room and she started having more complications. I asked the doctor bluntly what is her quality of life. He explained to me that for every problem they fixed fourteen more went wrong. Her kidneys, her brain and her heart were failing her. I told him that if she had no quality of life I didn't think she would want to continue on. He asked me to give him two days. She was talking to us and laughing and cutting up. She asked me to see the grandkids and I told her I would have to sneak them in. My hubby brought them to see her and they had such a great time visiting with her. They were 5 and 3. Later that night she began swelling and they came in to give her medicine to help the swelling and to also see how she was doing with her feeding tube. Her stomach was not absorbing the meds or the milk they put through the tube. She reached up and grabbed the nurses arm and said enough. The nurse asked her what she meant and she told her I don't want anything else I am ready to go home. The nurse looked at me I asked her to give me and my Mama just a few minutes. I sat there speaking with her asking her was she sure and she told me I have lived long enough to see my grandchildren and they will remember me. She said I am so tired of hurting and always being sick its my time to go. I called the nurse back in and told her she was done. She made the proper phone calls and then came back in to give Mama some pain meds at first she refused afraid they would keep her alive. The nurse explained to her that it was for comfort only. I had the next day with my Mama we sat and laughed and talked I told her how much I loved her we brought the kids back to see her she explained to them she was dying. That day was the last day I got to talk to her. That was Tuesday we had been at the hospital for a week and a day. She became unconscious after that day slowly. Hospice came in and started preparing us for what was to come. They explained it could take weeks. On that Friday she started breathing differently and hospice told me that they didn't think she would live to see Saturday. By that night we knew she wouldn't be with us much longer. Me, my aunts, her niece and her husband as well as my husband sat around her bedside we sang to her and told our favorite memories. I told her I loved her and she squeezed my hand. At 2:15 am my sweet Mama took her last breath it was another fifteen minutes before her heart stopped beating. I laid there holding her until the last beat of her heart. I thought I was prepared for it but I was not. I kept telling myself that she would make it through this like she had so much before. I have now come to realize really just as I wrote this that this time she did not have the fight in her anymore. 28 is a young age to lose your mother. I struggle daily with the pain of her loss. I have had to be put on meds to help me sleep. I am trying to stay strong for my kids but on most days I find it hard. I miss her nothing can prepare you for the pain you feel when they are gone. What am I to do without my best friend? She raised me by herself for the most part and it was always me and her. My kids are having a hard time dealing with it. My 6 year old has been having medical issues I took him to the dr today and was told that they thought he was depressed. He has not dealt with my Mothers passing. I don't know how to help him deal with his grief when I cannot deal with my own. I feel so helpless right now as a parent and it makes me miss her even more because she would tell me exactly what to do. Sorry this post was so long I just felt I needed to get it out.

Crystal

[katmaii]

Hi Crystal,

I am glad you wrote it all out. I learned in grief support group that we need to tell our story. It also helped me to read it and to think about being with my mom during her last moments. You are right, we can never be prepared to lose our mom. You sound like such a wonderful daughter and friend to her. You honored her wishes and stayed with her until her last breath. Surely she is proud of you right now. I know our moms are still with us. God bless you. I am praying that you receive comfort, healing and peace.

Susan

[agnaq111809]

Good morning Crystal. Quyanaq (Thank-you) for telling your story about your mom's passing. It is one of your steps of healing, sharing your story so others may pray for you and your loved ones. I am so sorry. It does not seem real in the early days of losing a beloved mother. So much goes thru one's mind. One feels lost, left behind by one's major caregiver, mother. Everything is suddenly 'far away and not important'. Go ahead and cry. For the heart needs healing too. Take care of yourself. Take time to be by yourself and memorialize your mother with God's Almighty help. He's right there with you even tho at times it doesn't feel like it. You've got so many good memories of being with your mother to carry you thru this hard time. Show to your children the happiness of living like your mother used to do. You are loved by so many relatives and friends, even me you don't even know. I too must believe that I will be with my mom again. Take care.