My Babys 3rd Birthday

[Kitty]

My beautiful baby Leo passed away 7 months ago and in a few weeks it will be his 3rd Birthday. I really struggled to get through every obstacle - his memorial service, Christmas, New year and so on but I really don't know how I'm going to manage to get through this let alone Mothers Day?!?!?!

I really do hope that in some way I can find the strength to celebrate his birthday in some way but I really do not know how. Even at Christmas I literally ran away and hid from it all. For his first and second birthday, we obviously spoilt him to bits, in every single way, with love, affection and material things but it breaks my heart that the only options I have now are to sit there with empty arms.

I would give anything in this world to be able to have him back, next to me and share every loving moment with him. It's killing me with the very thought that I would be going to the florist for floral tributes for his birthday and visiting him in the cemetary and not celebrating it how it should be!

I want to be playing with him and eating all the food he loved and so on and him telling me what he would like for his birthday! My family and I are at a complete loss, a deverstating loss......................................

Please help me, I can't get through this alone. No one around me truely understands

Love and miss you, every moment of every day, Baby Leo and every tear I shed is to show you how much we adore you xXx

[shorty16]

Kitty28,

I'm Colleen and I am so sorry for the death of Leo, your beautiful son. My son, Brian died at 16. Car crash. You are so new to this grief. 7 months is no that long (I know it seems long). Be kind to yourself. The shock is wearing off and reality is setting in...That is a reality none of us wanted.

You are right, unless others have gone through this, they do not even have a min. knowledge of the depth of this pain.

Do you work outside the home? I realize leaving our home (safe zone) is hard, but eventually is we must re-join the world. The physical, emotional pain you feel will subside in time and the thoughts of your beautiful boy will become joyful instead of just painful.

Hang in their and post on the Loss of an Adult Child thread. My son was not an adult, and I am accepted without quesiton. Please join us.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

Oh Kitty, please do come join us in The Loss of Adult Child, we are a busy at posting group and totally will support you in your grief. I am so sorry that Leo passed away, such a little guy. We understand the empty arms, the almost surreal affect this loss causes in the world. NOthing seems as it should be and it will be some time before you feel you have some interest in the happenings around you. Running away from the celebrations that should include your Boy, we get that alright. The world keeps turning however, and therefore, we have to find ways to live a good life in the light of our LOVED BABIES. It does not happen quickly, but it can happen. Peace to you Kitty.

Oh, I am Dee, I lost my 19 year old Daughter Eri, train hit her car nearly 8years ago. I have been on this site for 7 years now.

[Kitty]

Hi Colleen,

Thankyou so very much for your kind and supportive reply. I am also very sorry for the pain and deverstation in your loss of your very handsome Son Brian.

I know that 7 months is quite a short period of time but to me, if feels like yesterday and I'm still very much in denial!

My place of work isn't too far from home, I'm a nurse but my home is most definately my comfort Zone! I hate leaving there. The most self destructive emotion along side of losing Leo is the flash backs from that tragic day, which I struggle with on a daily basis. Finding your baby, submerged and lifeless and having to maintain CPR, just killed me too, let alone the hundreds of different images running through my head, whilst he battled for his life over four days. This is the problem with my memories, I can remember treasured times but the tragic images seem to destroy what little I have left.

Thankyou again and we can hopefully catch up soon.

Take care!!

Love, Peace & Memories x

[Kitty]

Aww Thankyou to you too Dee, for your kind and compassionate words.

I'm so very sorry to you for the tragic loss of your precious daughter Eri - a special Angel too - Everyone's Babie's.

Also thankyou for the invitation, I will deff attend.

Take care. x

Love, Peace & Memories x

[charsng1234]

I am back barely made it through the weekend. went to see a medium some stuff she hit right on. I was alittle sad she did not seem to know shanes name. I am happy to be back home, Back were I can cry and scream in my home! I am sorry you lost you son Leo, my son was 22 and his life ened so tragic. I miss him so much everyday that goes by ppl tell me its one day closer to seeing him again!! BULL... I want him home now.. I hope all is doing ok.. Night..