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Lost my Mom/my BFF


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My mom passed almost 9 months ago. She lived til the young age of 103. Please no comments "that at least she lived a long life!" She was my mom and my best friend and I am lost without her. Yes I was bless to have her in my life for over 60 years. My dad passed over 47 years ago so it's been just my mom and I for such along time, because I am an only child. I was a teenager at the time of my dad's death and that was so very difficult for both my mom and I but somehow we survived.

i am thankful my mom saw all the things my dad didn't,.....proms, graduations, my weddings (2), my new house, her grandchild, her 6 great grandchildren, enjoying the condo we bought in Florida,....and so much more. Mom  lived on her own for so many years and was quite independent and there were many times I could not reach her by phone cause she was out  enjoying life. She drove until she was 95, lived in Florida for over 11 years before moving in with us up north. She just couldn't live by herself any more, it wasn't safe and we lived too far away. 

One day we had to call an ambulance, I needed to get her to the hospital and there was no way she could walk down our stairs she was in so much pain. She was hospitalized for a few days before being transferred to a in house rehab. Pain was finally under control with proper meds, she did well with PT, OT but never got back to where she was before going to hospital. So after 5 weeks I had to look at what she could and couldn't do and if we could bring her home with us. We would have needed to make some big changes in our house but then there was all our stairs to get her out for dr appts. I had to make the heart wrenching decision for her to go into LTC. She was there for another 5 years. She was doing ok, made friends , liked most of the staff, did activities, and I was there lots...it became my second home. We would go outside as much as we could for fresh air and sunshine. She was able to use a walker and a wheelchair if going a distance. Then she had more trouble walking and needed wheelchair most of the time and when doing PT used a walker. Then she developed pneumonia in 2014 and I thought that was it but she came around but I saw a change in her and she was not the same. She required PT, OT and ST, her meals changed from normal to ground and thickened liquids. She went back to normal liquids but was watched closely. Things started to deteriorate more over the next several years with her cognitive, the amount of care she needed, what she could and couldn't do. It was so hard to watch! She needed a different wheelchair , she couldn't walk at all, couldn't even hardly stand, eat on her own, get out of bed without a lift, or even go to the bathroom on her own. We made the best...she still did activities, got her hair done weekly, I would take her outside and we looked at nature, she sat in the sun, we looked at pictures of family videos of the kids. I even brought my dog to visit her, we still could have some type of conversation, but it was hard for both of us. I went to all family meetings to discuss her health changes etc.... We had a meeting on Thursday in July and talked about hospice, mom had lots lots of weight and wasn't eating much at all and  not drinking much either. Visited with mom had a good visit....she was happy, joking, laughing, but she was in bed. I spoke to hospice on Friday, and scheduled appt for nurse to assess moms condition for Saturday.. I didn't visit mom Friday since I was going on  Saturday. Talked to hospice nurse went into see mom while nurse was talking to Nursing home nurse. Mom was on oxygen and not awake at all, and running a temp. I spoke to staff nurse to ask what was going on, moms O2 level dropped to 85. I never got a call about moms change. I was furious...now I'm being told that mom is dying. She was then placed only on comfort meds only, no thing else. She could hear us and was able to smile, say yes or no, but never opened her eyes.  She lived one week with me by her side the whole week, 24 hrs a day. The last day she had some additional breathing issues when hospice was there. She told me it would be today and it was...she passed that night in my arms, with some family by her side.

I went through so many emotions, don't know how I got through that last week, the wake funeral or much else. I miss her so much! The firsts of everything is awful, each month anniversary. I've wanted to go visit her so many times, and still can't believe she is gone! Now I go to my parents grave and talk to them and hope they can hear me. I'm glad she is at peace and back with my dad.. I look at pics and still cry, I remember all the great times we had and miss it all.

She was the best Mom ever! 


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Dear Kathy,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am so sorry for your loss. It is hard. Your pain and sorrow is understandable.

Because you were your mom's main caregiver, I would suggest this website for additional support:

Aging Care

It helped me a lot.

Thinking of you.

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Nicole-my grief journey


Thinking of you and I am so sad for your tremendous loss. The relationship between mom and daughter is such an indescribable bond. I too am at the 9month mark. I didn’t leave my mom’s side either. She too was in an LTAC. I placed her there because she needed every day wound care and the wound care had trouble with her wounds from surgeries even at that facility. She needed OT, PT and so many other things. It’s really hard for me to write all of the things we went through. It hurts me she wasn’t at home or in hospice when it she passed. However, I can’t change it and in my more clear days, I know I made the best choices for her (it just still so painful and my mind wants me to second guess things). We were literally discussing bringing her home, if I would have help and if it was safe to do so, when all of the sudden she rapidly declined. I too went through them saying they could only give her medicines for comfort at that point. It was a devastating shock to my system. It has always been her and me and we had plans for things we wanted to do together. I held her and didn’t let go. I spoke to her, played her music and watched every rise and fall of her breath. I tried to comfort her and let her know it will be ok. She wasn’t able to speak at that point, but her face did make expressions and she tried hard to talk. Nothing prepares you for it and so many others out there in the world don’t tell you what you may experience. That is why I’m glad that we can all share freely on the forumn. Talking about it helps is all transorm. I am told that one day I will look back and feel good about how I was really there for her, didn’t leave her and how I made decisions and care gived. I’m not there yet and it’s not something I can really even focus on at this point. I am still trying to process and accept that she is gone. I feel lost. I yearn for her, I long to see her, touch her and hear her. It is extreme heartbreak. I know all of our pain and grief is so individual, but I just wanted to share some of the similarities to let you know I have so much empathy for what you’re experiencing. In the weirdest way, I sometimes think...wow...she brought me into this world and I was there to be with her as she left it. The complete circle of life right in front of me. I feel blessed about that because so many others don’t have that opportunity to be with their parent when it happens. It doesn’t take away the grief, but I do hold onto that. I’m working on being my own anchor now. I go to therapy. I take walks and I still cry alot. I also try and go to places where I can feel her presence. She loved flowers and so I’ve done a memorial at the local botanical garden. I also go to her grave. I do think that they can hear us. Thank you for sharing your story and I hope you will continue to share. 

Hugs, tears and sending thoughts your way for peace with time,


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Reader I will check it out. Thanks

Thank you for your condolences! 

I am a firm believer that only those that have been through the same loss truly understand what your feeling. Others mean well and feel bad for you and might try and be supportive and we do still appreciate it.


Nicole I am so very sorry for your loss.

I  thank you so much! Lots of what you said is exactly how I feel. I too am doing some of the same things as you. It's like your talking about me. Your right there is a special bond between mother and daughter. Being in a nursing home is a whole different ball game so to speak. I did feel guilty in the beginning almost like I was giving up on mom, knowing that this was not something she wanted. Did lots of thinking, weighing options, talking to family, soul searching. I too know in my heart it was in her best interest as she needed so much more care then I was capable of giving her. It was probably the most loving thing to do. In the end I know that all my choices were the right thing to do even though I second guess lots of them. Mom never wanted to talk about dying, but we did have the proper docs in place. She had a DNR in place for a long time, it was revised years later. After she passed I fount an original health care proxy and it really spelled out everything and in the end it was everything I did. Made me feel better, but still lots of what ifs. I so miss my moms smile, sence of humor, her voice, holding her, kissing her, her holding my hand and kissing it, the way she looked at me. It makes me smile, but also cry. I have her pic in my car, I have a lock of her hair, her diamond and wedding band that I always wear.

again Nicole thanks

Big hugs to you❤️❤️

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