Angry, Alone, Depressed, and Disgusted

[GrievingSoul]

I’m having a horrible day today. After running myself thin with errands and work,  all I needed today was a nap, and I couldn’t even get that. My son had chorus practice today, and afterwards he came home with a boatload of homework that of course I have to help him with. It’s test time as well, so we have to practice the mock exams in addition to his homework, which equates to MORE homework. Then on top of all of that, my son almost broke his new laptop that I just recently had to have replaced after his carelessness resulted in the demise of his previous one, and I’m about to lose it.  I’m tired, I have zero energy left, and I still have one million tasks to complete in a relatively short amount of time. And it’s just me. I feel overwhelmed and stretched thin like a slice of butter spread on an entire loaf of bread.  I’m utterly miserable. I have absolutely no one to turn to at these crucial times. Everyone is all “you’re so strong” and “keep pushing forward” and blah blah blah, but no one goes out of their way to make sure I’m actually ok. I miss my partner so much. This is why my love and I clinged to each other as tightly as we did; we knew that we only had each other to depend on, and fortunately he doesn’t have to see that reality manifest itself in the real world. I’m stressed out and depressed. I don’t want to be here at all. I’m angry and disgusted at everything and everyone around me. All of those years I spent inconveniencing myself and putting others’ problems before my own, all for those same people to be emotionally and physically unavailable at a time like this. Those same people I bent over backwards to help out are the same ones that don’t have the decency to even call at least once a day, let alone a freaking week. I guess they’re too afraid that I’m going to ask them to do something for me. God forbid anything like this happen to them, because I know I will not be so willing to help them get through their grief now that their true colors are showing. The most miserable time in my life was when I was a single mother. All of the headaches and all of the work fell on me, and now I find myself back in that predicament. This is not supposed to be my life. I detest being unhappy, and that is what I am right now. I was positive that my love was going to be here for my son’s high school graduation, and we live “the life” afterwards, but he has left me all alone in this world with a young man to raise on my own. It’s a terrible realization, and I just feel so low. I want to cry, but I can’t. All I feel is anger and heartache. 

[Billie Rae]

@GreivingSoul I know there is a lot to do,but I'm going to chide you now with love,if you don't put a bit of time aside for yourself the rest won't get done.There will be a physical or mental melt down.If your friends won't help call a sitter or companion for your son or get task rabbit to help,it's a great online service where you post what you want done and someone does it,anything from helping with homework,errands or house cleaning etc.
If you don't do something your body will stop you.
I care my love.At this time we must be kind to ourselves.
Love
Billie

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[KayC]

My kids used to tutor others in math when they were in high school, they never charged, is there anyone at his school that could donate some time to helping him study?  You might ask his teacher or office for suggestions.  Being a single parent is really hard, my kids' dad and I separated when my kids were in their mid-teens and I got no help from their dad whatsoever, it's like he stepped out of their lives, so I remember how busy it was, working full time, involved in fund raisers, carting kids to sports practices, etc.  It did feel like zero time for me, often it was 11 pm before I had time to breathe.  This time will pass quicker than you think, now I'm alone I wish I had it back, but at the time it's hard to get through.  Do you have parents or siblings in the area you could enlist their help?  Alas I didn't, it would have helped.  Or maybe he has a friend whose parent would be willing to take turns helping with homework?