Dogs, pets and grief

[SSC]

My daughter has miniature Schnauzers and six weeks ago she had puppies.  She really wants me to take one (or two) feeling this will help me in my grief.  A companion that gives unconditional love.  I can totally see how wonderful this can be.  However,  I did have a dog previously who died four months before my husband.  She was a 5 pound Yorkie and 14 years old when she died.  I vowed to not get another dog because of how much they tie you down.  I’m not sure what to do...

i would appreciate any thoughts on how  pets have helped, or not, during grief 

[Billie Rae]

I love pets but after my Labrador died I haven't had another one,I go on weekend trips so don't want the hassle so I doggy sit for a friend.Its all in your lifestyle,but they truly are company and love and something to care for.
Hugs
Billie

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[KayC]

This is a very individual choice and one size, as usual, does not fit all.

For me, my dog has been a lifesaver.  George and I had a dog, Lucky, and cats, King George and Tigger when he died.  Tigger hung around for two months then left home, figuring he didn't want to be here w/o George, I suppose.  I never saw him again.  King George lived another year and I had him euthanized because he was suffering tremendously from cancer, he was 19.  Lucky lived to 14 and I had her euthanized 3 years after George died.  Meanwhile, I'd gotten Chappy (cat) and he was killed by a cougar two years later.

I waited 2 1/2 months after Lucky died before adopting Arlie (dog).  I also adopted Miss Mocha (cat a few months after George died as she just showed up at my house.  So I have not been pet free all of this time.  I eventually got Kitty (she's 24 now) and have had her for 12 years, although I met her 14 years ago.

Arlie is my soulmate in a dog, so to speak, I say that because he is the perfect dog for me.  He's headstrong (the Husky side of him) which I can relate to, he's sweet and loving (Golden Retriever) he's incredibly goofy and fun and the smartest dog I've ever owned!  Husky come into play again.  I know I'll never find another like him, he's one of a kind.  He makes my home a home instead of just a house.  He's very interactive, and it helps so much to have someone to come home to, someone to live for, he's provided incredible incentive to live, and pulled me through surgery and NDE.  He is a wonderful companion.  He's also good incentive for me to walk twice a day, which would be easy to beg off if not for him, in inclement weather.  He knows just when I most need a kiss and he's incredibly thoughtful.  He gives me smiles and makes me laugh as he makes up games which he invites me to play with him.

No one can say whether or not you should have a dog, that's only something you can decide, not your daughter, not me, not anyone else but you.  You alone know if this is something you want.  I can tell you that the benefits have exceeded any effort expended by myself.
Arlie on the left, my son's dog, Bruno, on the right:

 

[JES]

@SSC  I have my 2 springer spaniels, they are a year apart.  Wonderful companions, very loving, have been tremendous comfort, and I never come home to an empty house. I am not a person who travels, other than my cottage, and they always go with me.  They do get me out of house but I am retired so not a problem. Of course they are trained, so no puppie training.  We always had males before ( only 1 at a time), now 1 of my 2 is a female, and shes been the most mellow and easiest.  I have to have hands on my males collar, leash at all times outside as he will run, she, however stays by my side.   Backyard fenced in so that helps alot as they are 45# dogs.  I know you mentioned 1 or maybe 2 puppies.  My brother and wife recently got 2 puppies, brothers. They are having tough time with two same age, double trouble,  tore stuffing from new couch and chairs, double cost for everything, vet appts, haircuts, dog training, collars, leashes, kennel cost for 2 when they go overnite so I think they regret getting the two at same time. He works, shes home so alot falls on her.  Just afew pros and cons from my perspective.  In the end, its only a choice you can make....   Hoped I helped in some little way.             @KayC Your Arlie is beautiful, he looks pretty lively for his age..sons dog beautiful also...hope Arlie lives a very long life for you.    Jeanne

[foreverhis]

I've considered it and several people have suggested it, but at this point I can barely take care of myself and the things that absolutely have to be done.  Actually, I'm not doing a very good job of that.  In fact, our daughter sent me a lovely bonsai plant over Christmas.  I told her it was a lovely gesture, but I had to ask her to not give me anything I need to take care of right now.  I think it's really important to consider whether we have the emotional and physical resources to take on the responsibility. 

If we already have pets when our loves died, then of course, we will find the love, companionship, and continuity invaluable.  But being between pets, especially because our last dog and cat were incredibly special, I'm not ready.  Maybe down the road.

[SSC]

@foreverhis I feel like I’m in the same situation you are.  I have a mother who requires help and with her added “stuff” I just don’t think I’m emotionally equipped to take care of a puppy right now.  It wouldn’t be fair to the dog anyway.  I know part of it is my daughter loves these pups and she wants them to go to an animal loving home.  I admit, it’s nice to snuggle a little puppy when I’m feeling down but I find everything else, potty training, feeding, walking, grooming...etc.. just too daunting right now.  

Like you, maybe down the road.

[Moment2moment]

I have had dogs for 20 years, cats before that. My partner and I considered our dogs a our children and we were devoted to them as such.

I have one of our originals left, age 13, and I rescued a very old infirm dog who is more or less on his last lap, but so loving even though blind and deaf.

And then there is now my 8 week old puppy which I posted pics of on the dark pit thread. Found him on the road abandoned and now am pulling out all my old puppy skills to deal with my new baby. It is fun but a lot of work. One day he will be my only dog and I will have only one.

Not to sound harsh, but too many people get a dog and then for whatever reason aren't prepared for the level of commitment that one requires. I see it all the time in my apartment complex. Dogs that are neglected on a sad sad level and my heart breaks for them.

Me, all the daily activities from dawn to dark that I do in caring for my dogs give me joy and purpose and fun and love and companionship.  I would not have survived this long without them.

But dog ownership is not to be taken lightly and it is not for everyone.

[foreverhis]

@Moment2moment  That's really good and thoughtful advice. 

Even we dog and cat lovers have to know where we are on this journey and whether we are able to take proper care of new furry babies.  That's why my standard answer to the question these days is "I'm not ready now.  Maybe down the road a bit."  As much as the daily companionship, love, and comfort would mean to me, I do not have the physical or emotional resources to take proper care of another animal, not even a fish.

When my husband and I started seeing each other, I had a beautiful short-haired tabby.  He was allergic to short hairs, but not long hairs.  (There are three kinds of cat hair; long hairs have only two of them.  He was allergic to the third.  Weird.)  When we got serious right away, I knew I had to find her a new home.  It took me almost 2 months to find just the right family for her.  Our loving animals are too innocent, too precious, and too important to give them the anything but a wonderful life.  Truth is, she ended up living in luxury in a huge gorgeous home with a feline companion and two new humans.  The cats had the run of the house and their own "lair," as well as a fully fenced and secure outside play area.  Her new people encouraged us to come visit after she settled in for a month.  By then, she was content in her new home with her feline pal.  She was happy to see us, but basically, "It's okay.  I'm okay.  My new family is great.  You may go now." 

It's simply too important to me that our pets have a happy, healthy life to give them anything less than our best.

[KayC]

I agree...to take on a puppy when you're newly grieving...well I did well to remember to eat and drink water!  It's a lot to take on, to get a new pup, for myself I can't imagine life without animals in it, they give me reason to go on and joy in life, but I think the timing and the right one is crucial.  And not everyone is an animal lover, it wouldn't be fair to the animal to adopt them and then not give them proper care and attention, they all need and deserve love.

[Stevie]

My dogs and my cat are the reasons I get out of bed every day. My fiancé and I don’t have any kids so we adopted the girls (dogs) together. It’s like they’re my connection to him. He loved the girls and the boy. And it’s my job to make sure I’m here to take care of them. They keep me going. They lay on my lap. Snuggle with me in bed and follow me from room to room. When I cry they crawl up higher on to my lap or lean against me. 

Allie was “his girl”. She adopted him the day we met her at the rescue. The night I came home from the hospital after he passed away I was in shock. I wasn’t crying at that moment. I walked in the door put my purse down, hung up my coat and sat there in the chair just like I did the other 34 days he was in the hospital. Bindie “my girl” and Spooky (the boy) sat in my lap. Allie went into her crate and whimpered. When I looked at her she had tears in her eyes. I believe she sensed he was gone.

Since he’s been gone I moved to a new house. And Allie is always at my side. She sleeps as close she can to me in bed and when I cry she is the first one to comfort me in her own way.

 I’m grateful to have my pets. The cat wakes me up everyday to make sure he gets to eat and the dogs give me some companionship.  I also have the memories of when we adopted them and the pictures of us on their adoption days. They’re my connection to him. 

Those fur babies have gotten me through some dark days and sleepless nights. I appreciate the unconditional love and the company. I’m not alone because I have my pets.

[KayC]

They are so sweet, and they grieve too.  When my George passed, my dog Lucky, who was fully trained and so obedient and good, acted out.  She chewed up my stamp art things, that's where I'd spent a lot of my free time and she knew it'd get my attention, but it took my daughter to point out to me that she was grieving and needed extra time and attention, I guess I was so in shock and lost in a fog it hadn't hit me, so I made sure to give her extra love and attention and that helped her.