Glimmer of Hope

[LostGirl39]

Hi everyone. Just wanted to check in. The past few days have been extremely rough for me. My grief seems to be getting worse it seems. I’ve had some pretty dark thoughts over the past few days, I’ll admit. I just can’t seem to get it together. I think that my upcoming birthday (I’ll be turning 40) is maybe triggering this despair even more. My birthday will also be my 18 yr. anniversary with my boyfriend. I’m honestly not looking forward to next Saturday. I don’t want to face this milestone alone but I have no choice now. I do want to end this post on a good note though. Last night was particularly rough. I’m coming down with a cold & my anxiety has been through the roof all week. After crying for half the night, I finally managed to go to sleep. And I dreamed of the most beautiful rainbow I’ve ever seen. It was so big & colorful. It filled up the whole sky. I don’t remember what the dream was about but I remember that rainbow. For the first time since his death, I felt a glimmer of hope when I woke up. I’ve been praying for some kind of sign & guidance since his death & I think that I finally got it. I know that I’ve still got some tough & painful days ahead of me but because of this dream, I feel that I may survive this somehow. I hope so. My heart has literally been hurting since he left me. I feel that he sent me this dream to let me know that everything’s going to be okay & that he’s at peace. He often told me that he dreamed of me coming into his life before it happened.His dream involved a lot of storms but at the end was a huge rainbow. And he said that someone was walking beside him through those storms & he felt that it was me. Trust me, we had a lot of storms throughout our relationship. Things were finally good with us & I felt so hopeful about our future. Then, he died unexpectedly. I truly hope that this dream is a positive sign because I need something right now to help me deal with this. Thanks for lending an ear this morning!

[KayC]

@LostGirl39  When my husband passed away, there was a terrible thunder and lightening storm going on at the same time a triple rainbow came out!  My sister sent me a picture of it, it was at the same time as he died, I used it on the notes I sent people after his funeral.  I smiled as I thought of the big bang he made as he entered heaven!  

Rainbows have been very special to me since.  To me they signify hope, they were first given as a promise, and I love that you got this just when you need it! (Her camera only captured two of the rainbows as the third was very faint)

 

 

[Billie Rae]

@LostGirl39,I so hope you feel better.it's strange how I too fell ill at the 2 month time.maybe because all the things we had to do that first month kept us in overdrive and now all our reserves are gone.I'm so happy You felt that bit of hope,it's what keeps us alive and it would bring him joy to know that you can find peaceful minutes.@Kayc what a beautiful photo.
Love and peace to you


Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[SSC]

I love this!  I too have a deep connection with rainbows after a death.  I was actually sent one on my birthday this year... by a friend.  It was snowing here on my birthday so I had to receive it another way.  And I got it!  Best birthday present ever.  

 

[Pim]

@LostGirl39 Rest assured that this dream was sent by your boyfriend. I read between the lines in your post that your dream felt more real than real. I think that is typical for these special dreams which are gifts from the other side so to speak.

I have now had three special dreams 'starring' my beloved and these three dreams were very different from other dreams in which he appeared or did not appear.

It's still a terrible shame that your boyfriend is not with you in this physical world, but these dreams are to give you some hope at least!

Hugs, Pim

[foreverhis]

@LostGirl39  I really understand how it can feel like there's no hope.  I've been through many times where I feel worse after feeling just a little better for a while.  I suspect that will probably happen for a very, very long time, if not forever.

I too have received what I believe to be signs.  Real, tangible signs.  My husband used to collect various whole feathers from time to time when we were out on our walks. He would clean and dry them and then use them in the workshop or house for delicate cleaning/dusting.  Over the course of two months, I found three perfect dove feathers on three especially horrible days.  One was two days after, one was two weeks after, and the third was about two months after.  There are these mourning doves that live in the trees around us.  One particular one would sit on the wires behind our house and call over and over again.  My husband used to joke that "Poor guy.  He can't get a date."  We would chuckle and then there that dove would be the next day, calling and calling.  So when I found those feathers, perfect and clean, in three spots on those three days, I believed it to be a sign from my love.  Even if I'm wrong, I found some comfort in that and have kept them with his little collection of other feathers.

@KayC  What a beautiful picture and what a sweet and touching story. 

[JES]

@LostGirl39  I think our grief does seem to do better, than worse again, the waves go up and down...   Special events,  milestones,  even change of seasons are tougher,  sometimes days ahead even, because we are thinking of them coming.  Im so glad you had the beautiful rainbow dream...I also think a sign from him.  Take care. @KayC  I love that you have that beautiful picture, and the bittersweet memory. Hugs.   @foreverhis  Im also glad you found the feathers and it gives you good, but tough memories.  Mine is eagles, we talked about him coming back as an eagle,  his sign to me.  And I truly believe hes sent me and others that reassurance cause we all see an eagle ( alone except once) in all places you normally don't see them. Love to all.

[KayC]

20 hours ago, Pim said:

@LostGirl39 Rest assured that this dream was sent by your boyfriend. I read between the lines in your post that your dream felt more real than real. I think that is typical for these special dreams which are gifts from the other side so to speak.

I have now had three special dreams 'starring' my beloved and these three dreams were very different from other dreams in which he appeared or did not appear.

It's still a terrible shame that your boyfriend is not with you in this physical world, but these dreams are to give you some hope at least!

Hugs, Pim

For sure, I believe we're sometimes sent dreams and other signs, can be a beautiful way to connect.  If it has meaning to us, then we know it is a sign, at least that's how I look at it...like my finding the pansy growing in the pavement, and the one that made it through the winter of snow covering it (on his first anv. of death)...they were special to George and i and I believe he carefully harvested and watched over the pansies for me to see.