Members Cdawn75 Posted February 14, 2011 Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 My Son Clinton Passed away july 15, 2009 he was 15 years old. So many Emotions have emerged in and out of my body for the past 19 months. My Son And My Daughter ( she was 17 at the time ) and 3 other friends decided to tell us parents he was staying at a friends house, visa versa so they could spend time among themselves i guess. I was sound alseep at 1:15 am. My daughter Jenna then 11 woke me up yelling that my daughter Andi was on the phone. I asked what does she need. Jenna responded she is crying and yelling saying they lost Clinton ( my Son) in the river. I was dazed and confused, i took the phone and asked "what do you mean you lost him in the river". She said the police and rescue crew are looking for him. Still dazed and confused i get dressed and in a panic drive the 20 miles it was where my mom lived. Which is the town they were spending the night with friends. I remember screaming and yellin on the phone to my husband who stayed laying in bed and said to call me when i got there and found out what was going on. i Dont know. i came up over the hill and seen all these lights. I was instantly in disbelief. I thought maybe when my daughter was yelling and crying that it was something other then they lost my son IN the water. That was a long wait for them to recover his body. I remember seeeing them finally pushing the cart to the ambulance. by this time my husband had arrrived. I had a glimps of him thru a clear body bag and just lost it. I had to make my husband go over there. He had been in thje water since 1:08 Am .....that was the 911 call time.. They recovered him at 4ish? not sure. Then he is where my self blame comes into play. I know i should not blame myself, but these children had broke into a store. Stole 5 bottles of liquor and were completely drunk. My 2 children and the other 3 decided they wanted to go take a swim in the river. This river so happened to be the mouth of where 2 rivers meet together to become one before entering into the mississippi. The current there is aweful. These kids knew this , alcohol lead them to make poor choices. But ultimately the hole night was in my hands. I keep running through my head. What could i have done to prevent this. I should have told them they couldnt go spend the night with friends. I let them leave, would my son still be alive had i made him stay home that night? Then i think i could have lost my 17yo daughter that night as well.What was i thinking? My grieving process has prolly not been the best , i divorced my husband ......left the 3 younger kids with him for the first yr after. I feared for the safety of them, i couldnt keep their brother a live how can i trust myself in taking care of more kids. They are now with me again living for the past 3 months. I've been dealing pretty good. However Clintons 17th birthday is in 2 days. Feb 16. I am struggling today. I want him back so bad. I want to hear his voice, feel his hugs, see his face. My heart is ripping apart into pieces today. And i cant make it stop! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members westleysmom Posted February 14, 2011 Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 I'm very sorry for your loss of Clinton and all your losses since then. My son Westley died in his sleep at a friend's house last January 13, 6 days before he would have turned 21. He had been drinking and took some kind of prescription medicine, and he had sleep apnea. All together, it stopped his breathing and when they tried to wake him to get up for work, he was unresponsive. They called me, we jumped up, met them at the hospital and were told that he had not been breathing for some time before they tried to wake him and there was nothing they could do. I had spoken to him the night before, and he sounded fine and said he'd be home around 10:30 or 11:00 so I went to bed. It was accidental, but still, something that would not have happened if he had not made certain choices. As Moms, we'd like to think that our kids would make the best choices, and when they do, its because we raised them right (we tell ourselves) so when they don't, we think its because we didn't raise them right. In truth, I think everyone thinks they're grown by the time they're 15 (and certainly by the time they're almost 21), they are making their own choices, independent of what we think we've instilled in them. When something happens to your child, you think its your fault, whether or not that makes any sense at all. But it was not your fault. This place is full of people who have lost their child from lots of different ways and know what you are going through. They've all helped me so much this past 6 or 8 months. I hope you'll come back and tell us more on Loss of Adult Child thread. Just go there and hit Add Reply and start talking. I hope you are able to and that it will help you as it has me. Peace and hugs to you, friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cdawn75 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 My Son Clinton was a very popular Boy. The News Spread rapidly around the small town we lived in. By that night i was a basket case. Our family Doctor had came over and gave me a few shots of medicine to help clam me. I'm glad of that after i calmed my husband at the time took me outside to the back yard where there were 75 plus kids and the father of our church stood with tons of candles. i was touch. . and to this day they still always call me , leave me messages, and i adore and cherish them all for keeping my son alive in their hearts. His birthday is in 2 days....i am having a ballon release at his resting spot for all his friends to attend. gives them some openness about talking about their loss. I almost want to call it off though because of my struggle today to deal, to breath, to function. I dont get why some days are full of joyful memories and i can talk about my babyboy and show pictures , laugh about how he used to do little comedy routines for all of us at family funtions. And then somedays i just cry everytime i look at a picture, hear a song, hear a phrase....just lil simple things that remind me of him.I feel like a crazy pshycho at times. My Mom was helpful but july 1st 2010 14 days shy of my Clintons yr anniversary my mom lost her battle with COPD. I took care of her while she was on hospice for the past 2 months. The last week of her life i never left her side. For awhile after her passing i felt relieved that i didnt have to worry so much about my son, his grandma was now with him. They were so close to each other. My Moms battle to survive stopped the night My Clinton Passed. So i have my Boyfriend who is extremely wonderful and very supportive to my needss. However my Grandmother , my moms mom has told me numerous times it time to deal with it, get over it and move on. Not so simple it makes me feel like i am not doing something right....like i am suppose to only have a certain amount of time to get over the loss of my son. Who was my Pride in joy....my Babyboy, i did everything i could for this boy...things i didnt do for the other kids....he was different. Maybe because of that thinking on mhy behalf God wanted to show me that my other kids were just as special and took Clinton out of the path of me showing my other children as much Devotion and attention as i gave clinton, cuz i love them all equally, i just did more and spent more time with Clinton. He was My Only boy for 9 yrs till My ethan came along....i dunno Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mikesmomrs Posted February 15, 2011 Members Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 Christi: I am so very sorry for the loss of your son, Clinton. You have come to a good place to find comfort and understanding. No one on this board will ever tell you it is time to get over it, or ask why you are still upset, etc. Please come back and post on Loss of Adult Child, tell us about Clinton when you can, and you will find much comfort and understanding there. I will be thinking of you on the 16th, and your son, Clinton. sending peace and love, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members charsng1234 Posted March 17, 2011 Members Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 Clinton's mom I just read your nightmare you went through, I am so sorry for you, I to went through a nightmare I was sleeping when I got a call at 4am no one knew were my shane was I spent 3 hrs looking for him only to find out he passed at about 1:30 or so. My son was very drunk and was hiding in a yard from the police. He was over 21 and there were some younger kids there so he ran. I also think I could have asked him to stay home or called him at midnight I usually did cause I am a worry wart.. I was told to stop because my kids were adults now.. But it don't matter how old or young they are.. THEY ARE OUR BABIES! I hope you can one day find some peace in your heart.. Because I hope I can to.. Hope is what we do have. Shanes mom... Sharon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted March 18, 2011 Members Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 Clinton's MomI just read the nightmare you endured. Like me, your son's death was a terrible teenage stunt, completely preventable and has left us forever asking why? Brian would have been 20 years old this July. He was 16 when he bacame an angel.Even now, I still cannot believe my son died from car-surfing - Makes me feel like a failure - but after 2.5 years of listening to my friends on this site, talking with other parents, and hard work - I have realized that I am a good Mom and my husband a good Dad.So young, so handsome, both our boys.Stay strong my friendColleen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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