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Why is it so hard


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When my sister passed of suicide 4 months ago I thought that was the worst feeling I’d ever have but I’ve found recently is the hardest because it comes in waves and starting senior school now I realise how much I really need her by my side. I don’t feel like myself anymore I’m numb all the time and even though everyone says they are here for me I’ve never felt so alone.

I really miss my sister and I don’t know how I’m meant to get through my life without her



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Dear tee2002,

I am very sorry for your devastating loss. It is so hard to carry on without those we love the most. Try to be kind and gentle with yourself because 4 months is still very early in your grief. I too felt alone in my thoughts and feelings. Please know there are good people in the world and there are supports out there. Sometimes its hard to know where to look. I don't know if there is a trusted school counsellor you could talk to. Maybe they could connect you with a grief counsellor or a support group in the community or through church.

Always know what you are feeling and thinking is valid. What you said about grief being a wave is so true. We all just try our best to get through each day the best we can. I also found these websites helpful in understanding my thoughts and feelings.

Grief in Common

What's Your Grief

Grief Healing Blog.

Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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Dear Dee2002

I'm so sorry to read that you lost your sister in this very sad way. I feel your pain. I see your pain. Everything you feel now is real and legitimate.

My brother, my only sibling, died on Feb 26th last year. I simply cannot believe it was 1 year ago. My whole universe has been destroyed and yet the world keeps turning! I was very close to my brother and the fact he was hiding this pain made me feel so betrayed and so very lonely.

It's not for everyone but I found it useful to talk to a counsellor. In the early months I was too scared to tell my friends or family how I was feeling. I was feeling dark and destructive and I didn't want to worry them. It was great to talk to a professional / stranger knowing there would be no judgement. As time passes I'm braver when I talk to my family and friends. I now realize they are all stronger than I gave them credit for so I don't need to protect them so much.

It terrified me that I felt suicidal after my brother died. Apparently that's not unusual for close family members bereaved by suicide but it was so scary to think I was losing my grip on my life. I share this with you because I want you to ask for help if you feel suicidal. These thoughts can, in some cases, be a symptom of the very complicated grief you're dealing with. You must not allow them to take hold of you.

I'm not healed but I'm in a different place now to where I was 4 months after his death. It's still so hard but the absolute despair and loneliness doesn't sit on my chest every day. People told me that time would help. I didn't believe them but I think they were right. I have good days and bad days but I no longer dread going to sleep and waking up. I no longer feel a crushing pain in my chest all the time.

I think we feel lonely because we don't realize how many people have been where we are. I had never come close to suicide so I knew nobody would understood. Try and reach out, like these forums, to people who understand. That really made me feel less lonely.

Please take care of yourself. Try to eat, sleep and drink plenty of water. Take some time outside in nature. I promise you, you will be ok. You are not alone.


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