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I miss you Mum


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it’s been 3 months now without her 

she had bone cancer that spread, treatment wasn’t working well but she didn’t tell us ( me and my brother) the truth, she didn’t tell us her treatment had stopped she said we will see what her doctor says at the next appointment for the next step, she then become unwell somedays unable to get out of bed she lost all energy the following week she deteriorated her speech was slurring she had a couple of falls but didn’t know how she got onto the floor, After the confusion and falls we decided it was time to take her into hospital, our first initial thought was they’d rehydrate her make her well again, accept she went downhill from then on she couldn’t talk open her eyes in pain the ward she was on was useless we had to demand she be moved - unneeded stress - she went in on the Friday and Monday morning while at work my dad phoned to say we needed to get to the hospital ASAP as someone had told him she was slipping away hours left to live, I stayed as long as I could (have a 6 year old daughter) she didn’t slip until days after but during those 6 days inbetween all I kept thinking was just please let go I can’t bare to see her like this anymore, everyday was the same expecting her to fall asleep preparing for it, Saturday came my daughter wasn’t well so we left for home around 7 knowing that she was asleep for the rest of the night, 10.30pm came on the 11.11.18 we got the call, worst moment of my life, we said our final goodbyes, every hour since I’ve felt nothing but emptiness and loneliness I can’t talk to anyone I have no choice but to stay strong for my daughter it’s really affected her we’ve lived with my parents for 4 years so of course we were all close, I don’t sleep well because as soon as the lights go off my mind pings on and she’s all I can think about, I can’t talk to my dad about anything as he’s like a stone we’ve never had a talkative relationship, as for my partner of 9 years I think he is cheating on me since Mum left us but that’s a different conversation so I’m literally alone 

I’ve had enough I’m only 26 and I feel like I can’t deal with this anymore all I want is for someone anyone to just say “it will be ok” it’s only been 3 months when will this pain and heartbreak stop hurting 

I miss you Mum I love you Mum 

for anyone that has read this, thank you 

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Hi Jo, It will be OK. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow but it will be OK. I promise you.
3 months is very raw. It hurts real bad at 3 months. I didn't get back to nearly normal until over a year later. Even now, 1.5 years later, I still miss my parents real bad but at least I can function again.
It will be OK. Cry it out, let the hurt go away. Be kind to yourself. Take care of your little one. Slowly slowly it will get better. You will always miss your mum but it'll get better. I promise.
Time will soften the pain.

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