Dear God...

[John/Wendy]

Dear God,

They say you only give us what we can handle...

They say you test the ones you love...

They say trials make us stronger...

They say love will see us through...

They say there are no tears in heaven...

They say men and women are not given in marriage in heaven...

Please do me a favor God...

Cut me some slack! I can’t handle much more! I suck at tests! Cancer killed my wife and my strength is all but gone dealing with that. Love is all I have left. Tears, I’ll cry enough for two here on earth. But please... although you don’t allow marriage in heaven... kiss my wife for me, and let her know her husband will never stop loving her, on earth, in heaven or anywhere else. I will recognize my marriage for eternity where ever my soul resides for as long as I have her memory.

[HPB]

I strongly hope and  believe that there is marriage in heaven!

https://leewoof.org/2019/02/03/marriage-in-heaven-a-response-to-randy-alcorn-and-john-piper/

https://leewoof.org/2017/01/29/will-happily-married-couples-be-together-in-heaven/

Love and Hope for eternal reunion with my beloved wife is all I have left.

I wish you this hope and faith, too! You will see her again!

《Hugs》

[SSC]

I have been raised to believe there is marriage in heaven.  Also, families.  This is part of our life here and it continues in the afterlife.  We all will be reunited with our spouse and be with them for eternity.  Believe it.  Its real.

I have had some amazing experiences happen to me since my husband has passed away.  I wear a silicone bracelet that has the word "Believe" engraved in it.  My sister gave it to me when my father passed away 13 years ago.  I have been wearing it since June when I had to put my dog down.  Maybe a week after my husband died, I was with my daughter and her family in their home.  The kids were playing and I was sitting on the couch, miserable and out of sorts. I could barely comprehend what was going on around me.  My youngest granddaughter who is very precocious  and cant seem to sit still for one minute was climbing all over me and the couch.  She just turned 2.  Normally she pulls and tugs on my bracelet wanting to wear it herself.  This time she looked at me, climbed up beside me, cocked her head and smiled.  She very calmly pulled my wrist to her and pointed to the word "believe" tapping it carefully with her tiny little finger.  She looked into my eyes, smiled and pointed again.  She was calm.  It was purposeful.  There was a "charged" feeling in the air. It felt like time was standing still.   Fifteen seconds later she was gone, running around and playing, being her wild happy self.  At the time, this little girl couldn't talk.  She didn't have real dexterity to point at a word she couldn't even really see engraved in a white silicone bracelet.  I feel she was prompted somehow to let me know there is more.  Life doesn't end here. She is a pure soul and untainted by the world.  I believe she was there to help deliver a message from my husband Steve to me.  To BELIEVE!  

[KayC]

Marriage or not, we'll be together.  I hold out for that hope, it keeps me going.

And I don't believe that stuff about not getting more than we can bear...the scripture people misconstrue was talking about temptations, not other things in life.  If we don't get more than we can bear, how come so many people commit suicide?  Life is hard.  

I need George.  I need his help, his guidance, I wasn't done with him!  This is hard, no way about it.

[Billie Rae]

Marriage or not, we'll be together.  I hold out for that hope, it keeps me going.
And I don't believe that stuff about not getting more than we can bear...the scripture people misconstrue was talking about temptations, not other things in life.  If we don't get more than we can bear, how come so many people commit suicide?  Life is hard.  
I need George.  I need his help, his guidance, I wasn't done with him!  This is hard, no way about it.

That is true,sometimes we do get more than we can bear.I was not done with this love but it was done with me.I will go on but only because I'm not brave enough to take my own life.My actions now are to make others okay even though I'm not.I want my life back,I want my choices back

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[foreverhis]

On 2/8/2019 at 6:23 AM, KayC said:

Marriage or not, we'll be together.  I hold out for that hope, it keeps me going.

And I don't believe that stuff about not getting more than we can bear...the scripture people misconstrue was talking about temptations, not other things in life.  If we don't get more than we can bear, how come so many people commit suicide?  Life is hard.  

I need George.  I need his help, his guidance, I wasn't done with him!  This is hard, no way about it.

I figure that marriage in heaven may not the same as here, but I believe the love that binds us to our spouses endures forever.  Two souls who have connected as deeply as my husband and I have cannot, will not be separated just because I am still here and he is not.  I don't care what any church or minister says about it.  In this case, I follow what my heart knows to be true.

Yeah, I've said before that when I get there (assuming I do), someone has "got some 'splaining to do."  I have to ask myself why a loving God would select some people to "pick on" and let others slide.  Why good men and women face challenge after challenge, while some not-so-good thrive.  We can rationalize about karma and the afterlife and blah, blah, blah, but the questions remain.  Last year the worst thing that could happen to us happened to my hubby and me, but then one thing after another cascaded through our family right up into December.  More than once, I looked up (so to speak) and silently asked, "What the...?"

I'm not Catholic, but I read that even the Pope now has said we should not condemn people who commit suicide because we cannot know what in their hearts and minds drove them to it and we cannot know what they felt in their last minutes and it is not up to us to decide if someone is worthy.  I would bet that almost everyone here has at one point or another wondered whether this life is still worth living and whether we can take even one more day.  I'd be lying if I said it never crossed my mind that I can't bear this pain and need my husband now.

Our lives were not finished.  I want my love back with me, making me laugh even when I don't want to, planning our small adventures, helping me with everything I'm struggling with now, and just being together while needing nothing more than that.  Truth be told, I'm still angry.  I was never angry with my love because he did nothing wrong, but I'm angry as all get out at the situation.

[John/Wendy]

12 hours ago, HPB said:

I strongly hope and  believe that there is marriage in heaven!

https://leewoof.org/2019/02/03/marriage-in-heaven-a-response-to-randy-alcorn-and-john-piper/

https://leewoof.org/2017/01/29/will-happily-married-couples-be-together-in-heaven/

Love and Hope for eternal reunion with my beloved wife is all I have left.

I wish you this hope and faith, too! You will see her again!

《Hugs》

Thank you so much. I had forgotten  about the book Heaven and Hell by Emanuel Swedenborg. I read it years ago. Now, here years later, thanks to you, it fits perfectly into my existence. Religion can be such a blessing and curse in life as we move through our journey. I couldn’t have possibly realized or appreciated it’s meaning to my life when I first read it. Now, I’m guided to seek its comfort again. Perspective and constant learning and growing. I guess that’s our purpose for being. Thank you again! I pray all of our journeys are comforted by the realization that we ‘Will’ be with our, ‘Loves’ again!

[HPB]

47 minutes ago, John/Wendy said:

Thank you so much. I had forgotten  about the book Heaven and Hell by Emanuel Swedenborg. I read it years ago.

If anyone is interested (free pdf download):

https://swedenborg.com/swedenborg-on-heaven-and-hell/

Also very matching for people in our shoes (also free):

https://swedenborg.com/product/god-let-happen/

 

[foreverhis]

@John/Wendy I hope this comes across the way I mean it to.  No matter what we think about religion or how we approach it, it is my belief that faith matters more.  A specific religion that we connect with can help guide, give comfort, even surround us with a community.  But it is faith, straight unadulterated faith, that matters more to me in the long run.

My husband and I were raised in Episcopal and Methodist-Episcopal.  Decades ago we realized that the organized parts of religion were not what gave us strength as adults.  This was simply our personal decision and nothing at all against religion itself.  But faith?  We never let go of that.  However someone chooses to define it, from specific worship of a specific God to just calling it maybe-not-quite-fictional The Force, there is for us a binding faith in something greater than ourselves.  We had faith in each other, in people in general, in a unifying strength that we cannot know or understand fully as humans. 

We often talked about what might be called small miracles, times when we were able to do something that we did not know we could do or even should not have been able to do.  Where intervention, sometimes called inspiration, gave us strength.  Like that time we were hurtling down the mountain at night after our car lost all power.  My husband was very smart and a quick thinker, but later he said he did not know where he got the inspirations that allowed him to get the car restarted and save our lives.  He didn't even fully remember it, but it was as if something or someone put a hand on his shoulder to help.  We both had numerous instances of things like that, some tiny and some significant.

If we can keep that faith that we will be reunited with our loves, then maybe we can make it through times we might now consider "hell on earth."  I'm glad you have been able to gain new insights and a firmer perspective on that faith.

[KayC]

Well I'm Baptist and we've never judged suicide...don't recommend it, but certainly understand some people going there.  Life can be hard and sometimes people aren't mentally in a place where they can handle it.  I had a friend and coworker that commit suicide about 16 years ago, his parents had to get counseling because their church said he'd go to hell for it...I'm glad they worked through that and got a counselor that wasn't judgmental but understanding.

You've probably all seen my signature...We WILL meet again! ...my Soulmate, my best friend, thru all time
It's my belief and what keeps me going.

[foreverhis]

13 minutes ago, KayC said:

You've probably all seen my signature...We WILL meet again! ...my Soulmate, my best friend, thru all time
It's my belief and what keeps me going.

I love your signature.  Every time I read it, I smile.

I honestly don't know what the Methodist or Episcopal churches have said about suicide, but I do know my parents never condemned it. 

[John/Wendy]

1 hour ago, foreverhis said:

@John/Wendy I hope this comes across the way I mean it to.  No matter what we think about religion or how we approach it, it is my belief that faith matters more.  A specific religion that we connect with can help guide, give comfort, even surround us with a community.  But it is faith, straight unadulterated faith, that matters more to me in the long run.

My husband and I were raised in Episcopal and Methodist-Episcopal.  Decades ago we realized that the organized parts of religion were not what gave us strength as adults.  This was simply our personal decision and nothing at all against religion itself.  But faith?  We never let go of that.  However someone chooses to define it, from specific worship of a specific God to just calling it maybe-not-quite-fictional The Force, there is for us a binding faith in something greater than ourselves.  We had faith in each other, in people in general, in a unifying strength that we cannot know or understand fully as humans. 

We often talked about what might be called small miracles, times when we were able to do something that we did not know we could do or even should not have been able to do.  Where intervention, sometimes called inspiration, gave us strength.  Like that time we were hurtling down the mountain at night after our car lost all power.  My husband was very smart and a quick thinker, but later he said he did not know where he got the inspirations that allowed him to get the car restarted and save our lives.  He didn't even fully remember it, but it was as if something or someone put a hand on his shoulder to help.  We both had numerous instances of things like that, some tiny and some significant.

If we can keep that faith that we will be reunited with our loves, then maybe we can make it through times we might now consider "hell on earth."  I'm glad you have been able to gain new insights and a firmer perspective on that faith.

My wife and I also gave up on organized religion several years ago. My Grandfather was a preacher and I attended a Christian high school, so my upbringing was rooted in Christianity. But, as with most humans, religious dogmas never seemed quite enough to answer all of my questions in life. I’ve always kept an open mind concerning the soul and God. So many ideas and teachers throughout mankind’s existence. I take inspiration from them all. They all mean well and describe attributes we all want to believe exist in ourselves and or creator. For me, I do look to the Christian Bible for comfort and wisdom concerning heaven. As it appeals to my western ideas and is discribed throughout the text. As  for the details in how and why souls exist and where and what we are all a part of...Let’s just say I’m a work in progress. Maybe that’s why I find myself in my current position. My faith and the concepts of what I perceive as knowledge are constantly evolving and being challenged. In other words...I’m being forced to Grow. As painful as that might be... I know it’s true. My wife...It would seem...as I look at her life...had already learned what I am still struggling with. She saw the good in everything. She was an eternal optimist. She devoted her life to others. She saved me, raised or children, worked with Girl Scouts, helped every soul she ever encountered. She didn’t need a book or inspiration to reflect the God she already had living inside of her. I was and am in awe of that fact about her. I truly lived with and can still feel the presence of the Angel I call My Wife. I hope we all grow and find peace in our lives here on earth and where ever we find ourselves in existence.

 

[SSC]

As you all may know by now my husband did take his own life.  If anyone knew him like I did they'd know that he suffered from an illness just as horrible as any other terminal illness.  He had clinical depression and it ate away at him just like a cancer.  He was on medication and obviously it still didn't help.  Or It didn't help enough.  I know my husband wasn't himself when he pulled the trigger.  He sent me a text and left a note that wasn't rational.  He was fine, happy and goofy the day before I was angry.  I didn't see it coming.  Even when I read his text I couldn't comprehend what he was talking about.    How can anyone condemn him?  He was a wonderful loving husband and a silly fun dad/grandpa.  He helped people.  He loved me unconditionally.  He never hurt anyone in his life.  Kay is right,  for whatever reason, his life was too much to bear at that moment.  And because of that, my life is changed forever.  It breaks my heart.  I don't hate him.  I don't blame him.  I'm unbelievably sad that he hurt so much.  At this point I HAVE to believe that he is in a better place,  That he is accepted and loved and in no way not given the same opportunity as someone who died of a heart attack or cancer.  His illness took his life.  He didn't.

[Billie Rae]

[mention=412261]John/Wendy[/mention] I hope this comes across the way I mean it to.  No matter what we think about religion or how we approach it, it is my belief that faith matters more.  A specific religion that we connect with can help guide, give comfort, even surround us with a community.  But it is faith, straight unadulterated faith, that matters more to me in the long run.
My husband and I were raised in Episcopal and Methodist-Episcopal.  Decades ago we realized that the organized parts of religion were not what gave us strength as adults.  This was simply our personal decision and nothing at all against religion itself.  But faith?  We never let go of that.  However someone chooses to define it, from specific worship of a specific God to just calling it maybe-not-quite-fictional The Force, there is for us a binding faith in something greater than ourselves.  We had faith in each other, in people in general, in a unifying strength that we cannot know or understand fully as humans. 
We often talked about what might be called small miracles, times when we were able to do something that we did not know we could do or even should not have been able to do.  Where intervention, sometimes called inspiration, gave us strength.  Like that time we were hurtling down the mountain at night after our car lost all power.  My husband was very smart and a quick thinker, but later he said he did not know where he got the inspirations that allowed him to get the car restarted and save our lives.  He didn't even fully remember it, but it was as if something or someone put a hand on his shoulder to help.  We both had numerous instances of things like that, some tiny and some significant.
If we can keep that faith that we will be reunited with our loves, then maybe we can make it through times we might now consider "hell on earth."  I'm glad you have been able to gain new insights and a firmer perspective on that faith.

This is exactly me.No organized religion,just faith,faith in love faith in the kindness of most people and faith in my heart

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[foreverhis]

2 hours ago, John/Wendy said:

.Let’s just say I’m a work in progress.

Oh my dear, we all are, aren't we?  It sounds like you have made progress lately in keeping the faith that your love is still and always will be yours.  What could be more important than that?  I wish so much for you to find comfort and hope.

[foreverhis]

2 hours ago, SSC said:

That he is accepted and loved and in no way not given the same opportunity as someone who died of a heart attack or cancer.  His illness took his life.  He didn't.

I believe this firmly and completely.  I cannot fathom the depth of his pain and hope so much that all of our loves are now well and waiting for us.

[John/Wendy]

On the day my wife passed. As they were removing her from our house and into the hearst. There were butterflies and lady bugs everywhere. They were landing on us and on her. That was almost three months ago. Today, my daughter sat down by a fire, as it is very cold outside today, to draw and enjoy a glass of wine. It’s her way of therapy. And what should land on her drawing? A lady bug! In the dead of winter! In her house! On a picture she was doing for a tattoo to memorialize her mom! I don’t think, I know we are all correct in all the “signs” or loves send us every day. They are here! They exist. They are watching over us and we will see them again! Love to all.

[foreverhis]

@SSC  Your wonderful husband's illness was no different from any other disease.  I hate it so much when people act as if cognitive/mental conditions are "different" or that something is lacking in the person.  They are medical conditions just like the flu, cancers, arthritis, etc.  It was your husband's brain that failed him, just as it was my husband's bladder that failed him.

He sounds like such a good man who struggled so hard.  I think, at least it seems to me based on your posts, that you feel you were lucky to have each other, despite the challenges.  We all have challenges.  From what you've described, he must have loved you and his family deeply.  What a good man he must have been and how difficult it must have been for him and for you on that horrible day.  I'm so sorry.  My heart hurts for you.

I hope so much that you are able to find a measure of peace knowing that your love is everlasting.  I tell myself that when I see my love again, he will be restored to health and have the joy back in his heart.  I think your love will too.

[SSC]

@foreverhis thank you for your sweet heartfelt comment.  it means so much that others understand and don't blame.  you brought tears to my eyes with your kindness, sending you a hug!

[KayC]

17 hours ago, John/Wendy said:

My wife and I also gave up on organized religion several years ago. My Grandfather was a preacher and I attended a Christian high school, so my upbringing was rooted in Christianity. But, as with most humans, religious dogmas never seemed quite enough to answer all of my questions in life. I’ve always kept an open mind concerning the soul and God. So many ideas and teachers throughout mankind’s existence. I take inspiration from them all. They all mean well and describe attributes we all want to believe exist in ourselves and or creator. For me, I do look to the Christian Bible for comfort and wisdom concerning heaven. As it appeals to my western ideas and is discribed throughout the text. As  for the details in how and why souls exist and where and what we are all a part of...Let’s just say I’m a work in progress. Maybe that’s why I find myself in my current position. My faith and the concepts of what I perceive as knowledge are constantly evolving and being challenged. In other words...I’m being forced to Grow. As painful as that might be... I know it’s true. My wife...It would seem...as I look at her life...had already learned what I am still struggling with. She saw the good in everything. She was an eternal optimist. She devoted her life to others. She saved me, raised or children, worked with Girl Scouts, helped every soul she ever encountered. She didn’t need a book or inspiration to reflect the God she already had living inside of her. I was and am in awe of that fact about her. I truly lived with and can still feel the presence of the Angel I call My Wife. I hope we all grow and find peace in our lives here on earth and where ever we find ourselves in existence.

 

Your wife sounds like a wonderful person, you were blessed to have her, just as I was so blessed to have George.

[KayC]

17 hours ago, SSC said:

As you all may know by now my husband did take his own life.  If anyone knew him like I did they'd know that he suffered from an illness just as horrible as any other terminal illness.  He had clinical depression and it ate away at him just like a cancer.  He was on medication and obviously it still didn't help.  Or It didn't help enough.  I know my husband wasn't himself when he pulled the trigger.  He sent me a text and left a note that wasn't rational.  He was fine, happy and goofy the day before I was angry.  I didn't see it coming.  Even when I read his text I couldn't comprehend what he was talking about.    How can anyone condemn him?  He was a wonderful loving husband and a silly fun dad/grandpa.  He helped people.  He loved me unconditionally.  He never hurt anyone in his life.  Kay is right,  for whatever reason, his life was too much to bear at that moment.  And because of that, my life is changed forever.  It breaks my heart.  I don't hate him.  I don't blame him.  I'm unbelievably sad that he hurt so much.  At this point I HAVE to believe that he is in a better place,  That he is accepted and loved and in no way not given the same opportunity as someone who died of a heart attack or cancer.  His illness took his life.  He didn't.

Oh Hon, I am so sorry, somehow suicide seems harder but regardless of how we lost them, what the reasons, it remains we're having to learn to do this time without them here with us and that is so hard!  I totally believe your husband, just like my friend, is indeed in that better place.  You are so right, it was his illness, just as my friend Bobby's did.  I have another friend whose husband took his life, just six months ago, not yet thirty, they'd lost several children, his mom, and his dad also took his life, he couldn't deal with all the heartache and pain.

[JES]

@John/Wendy  I too heard there was no marriage in heaven.  At first I was very bummed,  but after reading up on it I felt better knowing that yes, we will still know them in heaven/ visa versa. And because we are in heaven, we will feel greater love for them than we ever felt here on earth. How wonderful that will be!

[KayC]

On 2/8/2019 at 6:55 PM, John/Wendy said:

On the day my wife passed. As they were removing her from our house and into the hearst. There were butterflies and lady bugs everywhere. They were landing on us and on her. That was almost three months ago. Today, my daughter sat down by a fire, as it is very cold outside today, to draw and enjoy a glass of wine. It’s her way of therapy. And what should land on her drawing? A lady bug! In the dead of winter! In her house! On a picture she was doing for a tattoo to memorialize her mom! I don’t think, I know we are all correct in all the “signs” or loves send us every day. They are here! They exist. They are watching over us and we will see them again! Love to all.

How special!  I love those signs!  With us it was rainbows, pansies, dragonflies, hummingbirds, and over the years I've gotten them just when I needed them, often when you'd least expect it.

[JES]

The signs for me have been eagles, and we even talked about it long before he passed. I was with my sons in Oct. and we kept seeing Eagles along the road. Finally, on a different road, big eagle sitting on stump, one of my sons said " Whats up with all the eagles today? I blurted out, its Kevin, hes here with us.  Same month eagle soaring over my house ( Ive never seen one here ever). Couple weeks later, bringing dogs in, loud squawking, looked up, squawking stopped, two beautiful eagles soaring directly overhead. I can't help but think Kevin and his dad. None since then....but I love to think they were signs from him.

[John/Wendy]

It’s him.

[foreverhis]

On 2/10/2019 at 10:30 AM, JES said:

The signs for me have been eagles, and we even talked about it long before he passed. I was with my sons in Oct. and we kept seeing Eagles along the road. Finally, on a different road, big eagle sitting on stump, one of my sons said " Whats up with all the eagles today? I blurted out, its Kevin, hes here with us.  Same month eagle soaring over my house ( Ive never seen one here ever). Couple weeks later, bringing dogs in, loud squawking, looked up, squawking stopped, two beautiful eagles soaring directly overhead. I can't help but think Kevin and his dad. None since then....but I love to think they were signs from him.

There's a poem "High Flight" by John Magee, an American pilot who flew with the RCAF in WWII.  It's about piloting planes, but my husband and I always felt it can apply to all kinds of flight, especially eagles and falcons.  I should mention there are lots of pilots in our families.  Both my uncles were private pilots and my dad was an aerial recon photographer during Korea.  My hubby's dad was a flight training officer in WWII, his uncle was a private pilot, and he himself had significant flight training but optic nerve damage meant he couldn't get his final license.  He always said that air fields were sacred and that all those who up climbed to the sky are reaching for grace.  It's actually been in and out of my mind for the past 7 months.  Every time I see one of the peregrines and red tails who live high in the trees at the end of our street, I think "Oh my love, I hope you are soaring too."  John Denver composed a lovely song around it.  I think you might like both the poem and the song.  It seems fitting for your Kevin.

Here's the poem (with all credit to John Gillespie Magee, 1922-1941)

Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth,
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed and joined the tumbling mirth of sun-split clouds -
and done a hundred things You have not dreamed of -
wheeled and soared and swung high in the sunlit silence.
Hovering there I've chased the shouting wind along
and flung my eager craft through footless halls of air.

Up, up the long delirious burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace,
where never lark, or even eagle, flew;
and, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
the high untrespassed sanctity of space,
put out my hand and touched the face of God.

 

 

[KayC]

21 hours ago, JES said:

I can't help but think Kevin and his dad.

That is so special!  I totally take those things as a sign.

@foreverhis, what a special poem, so perfect!

[JES]

@foreverhis. Love the poem, thankyou so much. Hugs. Jeanne

[foreverhis]

@JES  I'm so glad you like it.  It was a favorite of ours and always will be.

On a slightly lighter note, I just remembered there was an ancient Sunday strip of Bloom County using that poem and Opus, the penguin.  I'm going to have to dig out my old book and see if it's in there.

[Billie Rae]

Beautiful[emoji307]

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