Lost my son

[Lara8]

My son had turned 29 January 25th. Three days later he was in a car accident and died February 1st. I am devastated. My husband & I have lost our best friend. Jesse was my only child and our only son. We were all very close and Jesse had just moved back in with us a week before his accident. He & I had the funnest week, hanging out and laughing, making plans about his artwork and his music. I did get to speak with him before his initial xrays & scans at our local hospital. The doctors induced a coma due to a brain injury they found and airlifted him to a hospital with a neurosurgeon. Every day, the news got a little worse about his condition, and he never woke up. He looked perfect, like he was sleeping, but we were told he "wasn't in there." His brain stem was torn and many parts of his brain were burned out. He began having siezures, so we opted for comfort care and he passed a few hours later surrounded by his friends and his older sisters, with a friend playing acoustic guitar. My husband & I had left the hospital 1/2 before, exhausted and sad. Jesse went so peacefully and loved. We think he waited for us to leave the hospital. His sister said he exhaled and just never took another breath.

Jesse was a musician and played guitar in a rock/metal band, Dryseason. He also played drums for fun. We knew he had a lot of friends, but when he died, it blew us away. It seemed like everyone who had ever met him, some only a couple of times, turned out to support him while he was in a coma and after he passed. The communities of two towns have been holding benefits and concerts, barbeques and even a car wash to help the family with expenses. This is still going on and we are still having a hard time believing our son is gone. This gift of love from these friends has made this fricking nightmare a little bearable. Sometimes I get the waves of pain and sadness, anger, peaceful and happy, and I am trying to feel them all. What makes me sad, is Jesse would have given me the world if he could, and it feels as if he died to show me how mass love feels. Well, it's overwhelming. I know I am so blessed to have the support, but I just miss him so much and want him to come home. My head knows everything I am feeling is pure grief but my heart will sure be a long time catching up to my head. I know it will get better, but does the unreal part ever go away? It just seems like something happened that shouldn't have, like it was a mistake. I guess that is some sort of defense mechanism denial kicking in, but well, I think everyone here knows what I am trying to say. I feel like a light bulb has burned out and I can't find the socket to change it. Thanks for being here!! Jesse's Mom, Lara8

[mikesmum]

A large and much loved part of your life has been taken and now your head and heart are pulling you in different directions.

I'm glad you got to speak to Jesse, something many here were unable to do. I am sorry your one and only has gone.

There is much support here, for those times when the heart wins over the head and you just need a place to be. We are mainly on the Loss of an Adult child.

This is a place I never expected to be, but I am so glad I found it.

Please take your time, come read the posts, post when you can. Let the world know more of your musical, artistic Jesse...

Trudi.

[mothersgrief]

I am so sorry for your lost, I have just lost my 8 yr old daughter to Status Eplysis, the doctors couldn't fix her. We had to let her go Feb 2 of this year. I wish I could tell u how to get over it, but I can't becuase I am still searching for a way. Brooke was an amazing little girl. Ever since she was 4 she knew she wanted to be a Bone Doctor that is what she would call it and a singer, but the funny thing about that is she was an A student and sang at our church and always got praised on what a voice. She was the kid that would stick up for other people when other wouldn't. She is pretty perfect in my eyes. I think that is why God needed her. It still doesn't get rid of the pain, but I like to think she is in Heaven. She would tell her little sister would Jesus like it if u did that. She was just a straight lace kid. Well I hope u find your peace and a way to deal with this, becuase I know it is difficult.

Denise

[ModKonnie]

Jesse's Mom (Lara),

I am terribly sorry to hear about your heart-wrenching loss of Jesse. It is always so tragic when a young one is taken from us so suddenly; it just seems so much more unimagineable. Jesse sounds like a wonderful son and a great man. I am glad you found out he has so much community support and friends.

There are many people here who have lost their precious children. They will be able to offer you encouragement and support that only people who have experienced this devastation understand. We are glad you have found us, but sad you have to be here. Welcome,

ModKonnie

[Lara8]

Thanks everyone. This seems a horrible way to meet paople, but know that this site and the responses are cherished. I am sorry for everyone's loss, as well as my own. Thanks for sharing, Love, Lara8

[mikesmomrs]

Lara: I am so sorry to welcome you to this forum...but I am so glad that you found us...this is a wonderful site, where each of us is walking this sorrow-filled journey, and through time, we are able to comfort one another, offer much understanding that we don't seem to find "outside" and this enables us to learn to breathe and to walk again, to finally, laugh again, though the timeline is very different for everyone. You are so very new to this, that the word "laugh" likely sounds as foreign as any you've ever heard.

Your Jesse sounds like a wonderful, well-loved man, and I am so glad that you all shared so much during his lifetime....these memories will help you, even though they can be painful right now, they will eventually become more sweet than bitter. Please come to Loss of An Adult Child and tell us more about him, and you, when you can. Sending comfort to you, and a wish for peace-filled moments to find you throughout the day.

love and peace,

[Lara8]

Thank you. I have had laughter and peace, then despair and more tears and I am just cycling through all the emotions. Today just feels like there is no point, although I know it's just my heart talking, and will pass. I used to tell Jesse the harder something is to work through, the more we learn and the stronger we become. Now, here I am trying to listen to my own advice, but it's just so awful. I don't want to be stronger or smarter about the world today. Maybe tomorrow.

Thanks for being here, it sure helps to spew.

Lara: I am so sorry to welcome you to this forum...but I am so glad that you found us...this is a wonderful site, where each of us is walking this sorrow-filled journey, and through time, we are able to comfort one another, offer much understanding that we don't seem to find "outside" and this enables us to learn to breathe and to walk again, to finally, laugh again, though the timeline is very different for everyone. You are so very new to this, that the word "laugh" likely sounds as foreign as any you've ever heard.

Your Jesse sounds like a wonderful, well-loved man, and I am so glad that you all shared so much during his lifetime....these memories will help you, even though they can be painful right now, they will eventually become more sweet than bitter. Please come to Loss of An Adult Child and tell us more about him, and you, when you can. Sending comfort to you, and a wish for peace-filled moments to find you throughout the day.

love and peace,

[summergirl]

Lara - I am so sorry to welcome you to this site, but what a wonderful site it is. Your Jesse sounds like a wonderful, fun, loving young man - your loss is more than any parent should have to deal with. I am Kathy and my husband and I lost our daughter Jessica almost 5 years ago from sudden heart failure (ARVD), she was 26 years and our only daughter......it will be 5 years on February 18th since she left us. I can tell you that this site (loss of an adult child) has saved my sanity many times since I found it and I am forever grateful to those here that never leave you, who let you be who you are, say what you want, feel the way you do......it is a place where you can talk about anything and everything. I know there were many days in the first days, weeks, months that I would not have been able to breathe had I not had the people here. Please come and read, post if you can - I would love to hear more about your son, Prayers and hugs to you and yours....

[Lara8]

Today marks 4 weeks since Jesse died. I feel like I can move forward, although I know it will take forever. I am having good days, and the sadness doesn't come as often, but is still there. This site has helped so very much. Sometimes I just come read and cry with other parents. Knowing I am not alone keeps me in perspective. I have an amazing support system from family, Jesse's friends and his band. Without these people, life would be a lot more difficult. This is not how I envisioned life, and am grieving for the future as well as the present. It doesn't make much sense, but I am having glimmers of hope and I know that Jesse would want me to enjoy life, as I did when he was here. It isn't the same. Nothing is the same. Trying to figure out what everyone calls the "New Normal." It certainly isn't the sunshine, but it isn't the darkness either. So, everyday brings a teeny bit more of being okay, and my hope for everyone is to find that little spark of life and carry on. I love you all!

[Crystal16]

Lara- One day at a time Hun sometimes it feels like all you can do is take baby steps and that's okay. You will have your good days and bad days and some days your to numb to know what's happening around you. I am so glad to hear you have a support system.... Be kind to yourself and know your limits. Everyone on this site will help you on this journey and hold you up through the grieving process. All of us here did not envision our lives taking this tragic turn and suddenly experiencing the most devasting pain we will ever feel.