Members Glolilly Posted January 12, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2019 Looking in the mirror this a.m. I was talking to myself and reflecting on some things I lost. We all know the obvious good, friendship, companionship, soul mate, etc. But for me I lost some bad. When I married I hadn't met his family. They were awful and mean to me. They never treated me as an equal. They felt they were better than me. They took over my home for holiday dinners. They never asked me what I thought. They went through my husband for permission for everything.. He took up for them alot and his bossy mother. She was arrogant and very dominant and taught her daughters to act that way. She passed 2 years before my husband. I do miss the gatherings but not the treatment. So I did gain freedom and peace in that way. Also my former church my husband had us join 8 years before his passing was very stressful. There were about 30 members only half came at the same time. I was the keyboard player, the drummer, the Sunday school teacher, the kitchen cook, dishwasher, floor sweeper, and much more. I would tell my husband I was so tired to keep this up. I have since left for a larger congregation with my sister. So I do see some silver lining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 12, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted January 12, 2019 It's always good to be able to see some silver lining! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Moment2moment Posted January 13, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2019 I found a great book called "Liberating Losses: When Death Brings Relief". I highly recommend it for those of us who are struggling with letting go of our partners where there was love mixed in with dysfunction or outright abuse. My partner could be very loving but also very difficult at times. I don't miss that part of her and was struggling with lots of leftover anger and yet guilt at feeling this way. The book helped me feel so not alone in this experience. It is available on Amazon for kindle or as a regular book. I just restarted it for the 3rd time. I find something different in it each time a I pass through it and as my grieving evolves. People don't talk about this subject much but it is more common than not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Spengler Posted January 13, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2019 Sure, there are things I like about the "bachelor" life: Being accountable to no one for my time. Being accountable to no one for how I spend money. But, I would give all that up in an instant if I could have her back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Glolilly Posted January 13, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2019 Yes I mostly kept it to myself thinking everyone had some negatives but to endure bad in- laws for 25 years was embarrassing to me. One of the 4 daughters apologizes every time she sees me, the others just sit and look away. @Moment2momentIt is very liberating to be far away from them. I will check on that book. Thanks . Yes, I would still give it all up for him to come back. @Spengler Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SSC Posted January 13, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2019 12 hours ago, Moment2moment said: I found a great book called "Liberating Losses: When Death Brings Relief". I highly recommend it for those of us who are struggling with letting go of our partners where there was love mixed in with dysfunction or outright abuse. My partner could be very loving but also very difficult at times. I don't miss that part of her and was struggling with lots of leftover anger and yet guilt at feeling this way. The book helped me feel so not alone in this experience. It is available on Amazon for kindle or as a regular book. I just restarted it for the 3rd time. I find something different in it each time a I pass through it and as my grieving evolves. People don't talk about this subject much but it is more common than not. Thank you for the book recommendation. As I was looking it up on Amazon another book was suggested as well, It’s OK that you’re not Ok: Meeting grief and lost in a Culture that doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine. Has anyone read this book? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 14, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted January 14, 2019 On 1/13/2019 at 2:05 AM, Moment2moment said: I found a great book called "Liberating Losses: When Death Brings Relief". I highly recommend it for those of us who are struggling with letting go of our partners where there was love mixed in with dysfunction or outright abuse. My partner could be very loving but also very difficult at times. I don't miss that part of her and was struggling with lots of leftover anger and yet guilt at feeling this way. The book helped me feel so not alone in this experience. It is available on Amazon for kindle or as a regular book. I just restarted it for the 3rd time. I find something different in it each time a I pass through it and as my grieving evolves. People don't talk about this subject much but it is more common than not. I had it added to the list of books here:https://www.griefhealingblog.com/p/grief-bibliography_21.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 14, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted January 14, 2019 14 hours ago, SSC said: As I was looking it up on Amazon another book was suggested as well, It’s OK that you’re not Ok: Meeting grief and lost in a Culture that doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine. Has anyone read this book? Excellent book! Our pastor even quotes from it frequently. Megan Devine is well known, her book highly recommended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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