the blessings of angels

[Sunflower2]

This morning was a an intense morning of grieving my partner and the loss of what was.  I had to stop and give myself permission to accept that this was going to have to be a day I could not push for energy levels and motivation that would make my day be "productive."

 I started this morning with that adamant "I hate this change. I hate this life without my partner.  I hate my life as it is today at this moment and wondering how I can possibly survive this pain and find a wholeness again."   There are no answers.  

I reached out to a human connection.    A person who has yet to experience the despair of losing a partner.  I was met with an overwhelming acknowledgment of support that weaved in and around life.  What life is with the darkness and lightness. It encompassed grief but on so many different levels.  There were those giggles that are there even in pain and grief.  There was this reciprocal exchange of feeling and life.  I'm very blessed with the human connections and the ability to reciprocate in a conversation that acknowledges and honors that  space but provides so much more in the re-kindling my spirit and their spirit too.  

I share this moment.  I share this moment as I actually moved through it in hopes you can feel my personal  movement through a moment of deep despair to a feeling of hope and lightness.  For those beginning this journey this is meant for you.  I share my love, my  spirit and wisdom that we can do it. 

I often ask myself where I will find the personal strength and resources I so separately need to get through this.  After reaching out this morning I was reinforced and understood that I already  possess the strong , tenacity, raw, resilient material to get through this. It is already there within all of us.  We don't have to hope that it will come from outside ourselves.  Some of this we never have had to use. Some of it we have used so much we think no part of it can possibly remain, but it is still there. 

We benefit from having others support us in compassionate , intelligent and very practical ways yet I, all by myself (we all by ourselves), have the necessary core of belief, courage and know how to work myself through this grief.  I need to belief and experience that I have all the inner resources , never losing faith that they will sustain me.  

This is my experience of processing my  grief in real time and coming back to share  with those who are reading this that I made it so splendidly through that dark moment. I feel lighter.  The energy is calm.  The will to survive is within! It is within all of us. 

 

[SSC]

Thank you for such a positive and uplifting post.  It gives me hope that I’ll eventually find some bits of light and joy in my life of barely existing. 

[LeannC45]

1 hour ago, Sunflower2 said:

This morning was a an intense morning of grieving my partner and the loss of what was.  I had to stop and give myself permission to accept that this was going to have to be a day I could not push for energy levels and motivation that would make my day be "productive."

 I started this morning with that adamant "I hate this change. I hate this life without my partner.  I hate my life as it is today at this moment and wondering how I can possibly survive this pain and find a wholeness again."   There are no answers.  

I reached out to a human connection.    A person who has yet to experience the despair of losing a partner.  I was met with an overwhelming acknowledgment of support that weaved in and around life.  What life is with the darkness and lightness. It encompassed grief but on so many different levels.  There were those giggles that are there even in pain and grief.  There was this reciprocal exchange of feeling and life.  I'm very blessed with the human connections and the ability to reciprocate in a conversation that acknowledges and honors that  space but provides so much more in the re-kindling my spirit and their spirit too.  

I share this moment.  I share this moment as I actually moved through it in hopes you can feel my personal  movement through a moment of deep despair to a feeling of hope and lightness.  For those beginning this journey this is meant for you.  I share my love, my  spirit and wisdom that we can do it. 

I often ask myself where I will find the personal strength and resources I so separately need to get through this.  After reaching out this morning I was reinforced and understood that I already  possess the strong , tenacity, raw, resilient material to get through this. It is already there within all of us.  We don't have to hope that it will come from outside ourselves.  Some of this we never have had to use. Some of it we have used so much we think no part of it can possibly remain, but it is still there. 

We benefit from having others support us in compassionate , intelligent and very practical ways yet I, all by myself (we all by ourselves), have the necessary core of belief, courage and know how to work myself through this grief.  I need to belief and experience that I have all the inner resources , never losing faith that they will sustain me.  

This is my experience of processing my  grief in real time and coming back to share  with those who are reading this that I made it so splendidly through that dark moment. I feel lighter.  The energy is calm.  The will to survive is within! It is within all of us. 

 

I really appreciate this share. It is so important to remember that although we feel broken we were made with what we need. I know that my grief will at times redirect me to unending thought spirals that have no rhyme or reason. It is so good to remember that we are strong enough. Oh how I needed to read that. ;o)