Members TAM1 Posted January 6, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2019 My partner of 20 years Len passed on 1/31/17 and my sweet Golden retriever Missy passed on 8/4/18. These were 2 extremely demanding years with many additional losses and changes. Lots to be appreciative and thankful for. Friday I was at lunch and a picture of my garden at our old home popped into my mind - I miss my home also. People who were around the first 1 1/2 years have moved on, though many of those had lost partners/spouses 2-3 years before. I've joined local Audubon groups to get out on walks with folks who love birds as I do. At this point, I am not "whole" and found myself crying this morning as if in deep grief and know this is work that I realize is best done alone with a lot of Kleenex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators ModHerc Posted January 6, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted January 6, 2019 @TAM1, I’m so sorry for you and your wonderful Len. I just passed the second anniversary of the loss of my wife. I know how the support fades through time, there are so many who were there in the early days and now just seem to have forgotten. The Audubon society sounds like a wonderful way to extend your support network. I don’t know if we will ever be “whole” in the way we thought of it before. I still cry frequently and have come to understand that simply is a part of my life now. I am so sorry you had need to come to this forum, but am glad you found your way here. I have found the supportive and caring nature of this community to be amazingly helpful through my journey, and hope it will be the same for you. Wishing you comfort and empathy from those around you, Herc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TAM1 Posted January 6, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2019 Thanks Herc - I may have come to this site in early 2017 but got lost along the way. Am thankful to have found this group again as I wondered if anyone would relate to the strong grief waves that come through - and your words that you have come to understand that simply is a part of your life now, hit home. The Audubon bird walks are like therapy for me with people who are good to be around, mostly because they walk in quiet stillness, just listening and observing. I needed just that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 7, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted January 7, 2019 @TAM1 I'm glad you've found your way here. I'm sorry for your loss, losing my husband is the hardest thing I've ever experienced, losing my pets would be next for sure, and a golden retriever at that! My current dog is 1/2 Golden Retriever and 1/2 Siberian Husky, wonderful dogs. I had another Golden Retriever years ago, very sweet dogs. Audubon sounds wonderful, we don't have one here, but a neighboring town about 50-60 miles from here. I find nature very soothing, also wildlife, it's why I live where I do. Sometimes it helps to take walks out in the woods (I'm in the country, mountains). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted January 7, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2019 23 hours ago, TAM1 said: I wondered if anyone would relate to the strong grief waves that come through My grief is newer, rawer, but I've noticed over the last month or so that instead of constant wave after wave of agony, I have moments in between that are calmer. But I've also noticed that the waves are stronger and more painful in some ways. Herc is right, I'm sure. It's unlikely I'll ever be whole again because a huge part of me, the man who brought out the best in me, has been taken away. My emotional wounds are unlikely to ever heal fully. I'm simply hoping for a measure comfort and peace over time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunflower2 Posted January 7, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2019 @foreverhisstep back close your eyes and visual the waves of the ocean. "Grief is like an ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing . Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can learn to do is swim." My girlfriend shared this with me during my initial stages and those first few months I read this over and over again until I could feel the immense power of those waves. That was the immense power of grief. It kind of wraps into what you just shared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TAM1 Posted January 8, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2019 I so appreciate everyone's input here. I miss my Golden Missy as she was my chief companion and encouragement to keep moving along. Our first Christmas on our own, we drove cross-country from Ventura to Austin, TX to see family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mary G Posted January 8, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2019 4 hours ago, Sunflower2 said: @foreverhisstep back close your eyes and visual the waves of the ocean. "Grief is like an ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing . Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can learn to do is swim." My girlfriend shared this with me during my initial stages and those first few months I read this over and over again until I could feel the immense power of those waves. That was the immense power of grief. It kind of wraps into what you just shared. @foreverhis Love the quote. @TAM1 I am new here and I have found there are so man6 words of comfort and suggestions to help us survive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Glolilly Posted January 8, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2019 I know it means so much pain to lose two great friends in that short period of time. I believe it is ok and normal not to feel whole. We were two united into one and it is not easy to learn to become as a single one. We have so many wonderful memories that can't be untwined and hushed away. But for myself I do have two college sons 23 and 25 at home. They will be graduating in May. I am still at the same home for now after one year but if they leave it wouldn't make sense to stay in a super large home by myself. Maybe you can find familiar or comforting objects that bring comfort that came from that home.. Make a picture of the garden into a pillow or some happy picture of nature . Maybe a nearby church or garden center needs part time volunteers. Maybe an animal shelter or dog daycare wants help. Or just find solitude in a caring environment like knitting, sewing class, fishing, bus tours with a group . Life can't be replaced with the exact same person but can be utilized in so many ways that give us meaningful purpose or some type of routine to look forward to. I personally attend church service as an older organist that play on the 4th Sunday. In my younger days ( I am 60) I played twice a week. But I feel I only have the energy for the lighter position. But I feel useful and happier while I'm engaged in a purposeful activity that is helping the church. I got a young pet in the beginning of my loss and it was too much for me. But maybe you can later think about a similar mature breed if you desire for companionship. I'm sure there may be a similar lady around if you desire a walking partner. Check at the library, bingo hall, and social services department. You are still so very young and I know I would want my husband to live and enjoy life as much as possible if I had departed. Praying for your happiness and joy and that you find it or it finds you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 8, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted January 8, 2019 @TAM1 your Missy looks so much like my Arlie except Arlie got the Husky erect ears. Most crosses do not. She is beautiful and I can imagine how terribly you miss her. @Sunflower2 I love that (ocean waves), sometimes during the calm we can float and don't have to swim so hard. These brief respites help carry us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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