BRAIN FOG

[LeannC45]

I am getting close to the one year anniversary of losing my beautiful husband. I am noticing that some thoughts are becoming clear about my experience and how I felt over this past year. It almost feels like my brain has been asleep. Part of me feels like grief robbed me of a full functioning brain. I still struggle with feeling so distracted by my emotions that I am not 100% present. It is something that bothers me and makes me feel a bit insecure. One of my goals for this new year is to fight to get my vitality back. I can't sit in my house every night/weekend like I have over this past year. The place that gave me solace while I felt so vulnerable is now feeling more like a box that is closing in. I have not figured out what new things to add in my life, I only know that it is time. 

[Sunflower2]

1 hour ago, LeannC45 said:

. One of my goals for this new year is to fight to get my vitality back

You have a determination to begin steps forward to slowly thrive again in newness. I know, we know, it will be a slow process. we know we can't rush it but we will gain a momentum. 

I felt again that surge. Knowing that even in despair one can be strong. That fight to get that vitality back. Yesss!  Knowing I will stumble on the way but I'm going to do it.  

1 hour ago, LeannC45 said:

The place that gave me solace while I felt so vulnerable is now feeling more like a box that is closing in

I shared this with my therapist this morning. Knowing there will be times I will sit in that darkness again. In that "place that gave me solace."  Knowing there will be times I will move back into that lightness. I want to live with that zest I once had.  It will be a different zest but there will be zest. I have hope even though I have that despair partnered with hopelessness and feeling so alone.  Memories will carry all of us. In a good way.  In a healthy way! 

I understand that those that are starting this journey may not feel this but I promise given time, all the time you need, you will feel this. Even in your pain and deep sorrow gravitate to the inspiring threads. Herc shared a beautiful reflection of his 2 year journey. Print it! Believe in it. 

Another inspiring post for us! Thank you LeannC45.

[ModHerc]

I can relate to all of that @LeannC45.  Based on some great advice I got here and elsewhere I intentionally avoided any big changes in the first year.  I am really glad I did, because I would have made some awful decisions in that first year.  The second year involved a lot of changes though, changing career paths and buying a new home being the biggest physical two.

With any changes I made, my wife and what she would want for me and for the others who were affected by her passing, were still huge factors.  I tend to be very analytical whenever I am weighing things and making decisions, even before she passed I made pro and con lists for everything.  I found that continuing making those lists, and including what she would have thought on them really helped me.

As opportunities come along, you will figure out what things and new experiences you want to or need to add in your life.  There will be stumbling blocks at times, minor setbacks, and emotional hurdles to overcome.  Grief continues to make things more difficult for me than they used to be, but I am finding a way to coexist with it and carry forward with her love still in my heart.  Hoping you find your way as well,

Herc

[LeannC45]

2 minutes ago, Herc said:

I can relate to all of that @LeannC45.  Based on some great advice I got here and elsewhere I intentionally avoided any big changes in the first year.  I am really glad I did, because I would have made some awful decisions in that first year.  The second year involved a lot of changes though, changing career paths and buying a new home being the biggest physical two.

With any changes I made, my wife and what she would want for me and for the others who were affected by her passing, were still huge factors.  I tend to be very analytical whenever I am weighing things and making decisions, even before she passed I made pro and con lists for everything.  I found that continuing making those lists, and including what she would have thought on them really helped me.

As opportunities come along, you will figure out what things and new experiences you want to or need to add in your life.  There will be stumbling blocks at times, minor setbacks, and emotional hurdles to overcome.  Grief continues to make things more difficult for me than they used to be, but I am finding a way to coexist with it and carry forward with her love still in my heart.  Hoping you find your way as well,

Herc

Thank you I appreciate your response. I know that I have to be patient and kind with myself and let this new life unfold. My intuition is nudging me forward and I am finally in a place to hear it and take heed. 

[LeannC45]

25 minutes ago, Sunflower2 said:

You have a determination to begin steps forward to slowly thrive again in newness. I know, we know, it will be a slow process. we know we can't rush it but we will gain a momentum. 

I felt again that surge. Knowing that even in despair one can be strong. That fight to get that vitality back. Yesss!  Knowing I will stumble on the way but I'm going to do it.  

I shared this with my therapist this morning. Knowing there will be times I will sit in that darkness again. In that "place that gave me solace."  Knowing there will be times I will move back into that lightness. I want to live with that zest I once had.  It will be a different zest but there will be zest. I have hope even though I have that despair partnered with hopelessness and feeling so alone.  Memories will carry all of us. In a good way.  In a healthy way! 

I understand that those that are starting this journey may not feel this but I promise given time, all the time you need, you will feel this. Even in your pain and deep sorrow gravitate to the inspiring threads. Herc shared a beautiful reflection of his 2 year journey. Print it! Believe in it. 

Another inspiring post for us! Thank you LeannC45.

I always find light present in your posts so I thank you as well. 

[ModKatB]

5 hours ago, LeannC45 said:

I am noticing that some thoughts are becoming clear about my experience and how I felt over this past year.

Not sure if you saw this or not but it is what I wrote about moving a few steps forward in this journey.

In the beginning I was standing where some of you are now.

Dazed, confused, angry, hurt and feeling so alone.

But like others I have taken a few steps forward.

Never forgetting why I am on this journey.

Never forgetting I lost the one person that made my life complete.

Now I am trying to remember day after day the things my husband and I did together.

Going thru the memories of laughter, happiness and all the precious moments of our love.

I am going forward knowing that even though his physical being is not here, his spirit watches over me.

There are so many wonderful things to remember about him and about us together as a couple.

No amount of time will erase the fact that he is gone from my life.

But that also means no amount of time can erase our wonderful years together.

There really is no right or wrong way to handle this emotional battle we are fighting, just do what works for you.

I hope others can understand that I am what I like to call a "work in progress" and there is still lots to be done.

Somewhere in the future I know that I will have days that feel like it is Day 1 all over again.

For today though, I want to take a walk down memory lane and try to start this year with a smile or two to go with my bucket of tears.

I hope all of us can find a little bit of hope and a reason to smile in this New Year. KB

 

Sending prayers and hugs your way with the hope that you will find the strength you need to get thru.

[LeannC45]

2 minutes ago, KatB said:

Not sure if you saw this or not but it is what I wrote about moving a few steps forward in this journey.

In the beginning I was standing where some of you are now.

Dazed, confused, angry, hurt and feeling so alone.

But like others I have taken a few steps forward.

Never forgetting why I am on this journey.

Never forgetting I lost the one person that made my life complete.

Now I am trying to remember day after day the things my husband and I did together.

Going thru the memories of laughter, happiness and all the precious moments of our love.

I am going forward knowing that even though his physical being is not here, his spirit watches over me.

There are so many wonderful things to remember about him and about us together as a couple.

No amount of time will erase the fact that he is gone from my life.

But that also means no amount of time can erase our wonderful years together.

There really is no right or wrong way to handle this emotional battle we are fighting, just do what works for you.

I hope others can understand that I am what I like to call a "work in progress" and there is still lots to be done.

Somewhere in the future I know that I will have days that feel like it is Day 1 all over again.

For today though, I want to take a walk down memory lane and try to start this year with a smile or two to go with my bucket of tears.

I hope all of us can find a little bit of hope and a reason to smile in this New Year. KB

 

Sending prayers and hugs your way with the hope that you will find the strength you need to get thru.

I actually did read this and found it comforting. I went ahead and read it again,  and again I appreciated every word. 

[KayC]

Every journey begins with a single step, and I have no doubt you'll find your way through this.  (((hugs)))