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New Year New Pain


Vivace50494

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Hello Everyone:   I feel like all I do is complain when I post on here but I don't know what to do   its nighttime here again which is my most painful time of day.  It seems when it gets dark so does my mood.  I just hate being here alone at night   its been seven weeks since my loving partner Patrick died.  I'm still fighting the same demons:  no friends, no support, no job, no direction - you get it   the holidays were awful.  Full of pain   all alone   i dreaded turning the page to a new year because it just reminds me that Patrick is gone and I feel like I've left him behind   in sitting here surrounded by moving boxes because I had to find a cheaper apartment   my finances aren't good   i don't want to move because - like the new year-round a new apartment just reminds me that I'm leaving Patrick   i don't want to face all these new changes without him   what am I going to do?  My pain keeps getting worse   I pray every night that somewhere somehow I will find someone who will help me through this   someone who I can talk to, share my struggles, someone who will care about me.  I'm going to try finding a brief support group after I move.  I don't have health insurance and can't afford a therapist.  Has anyone tried those online grief counselor websites?  They're not as expensive but I don't know if they are effective .   I just feel so hopeless and helpless.  Why did Patrick have to die?  I don't see how I'm going to get through this.

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7 hours ago, Vivace50494 said:

i dreaded turning the page to a new year because it just reminds me that Patrick is gone and I feel like I've left him behind

I understand your feeling, I also feel so .

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Hello @Vivace50494,

Complaining is perfectly normal and understandable.  I can't think of a group that has better reasons or cause to complain.  I'm sorry about the apartment situation.  I moved and am definitely feeling her absence more as a result.  Then again, seeing the same places and things without her being there with me was also painful.  I just don't think there is any easy way to do this unfortunately.  Wishing you all the peace and support you can find,

Herc

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You're not leaving him behind, you're leaving a structure behind...you carry him with you inside your heart.  A spirit isn't limited by physical limitations in the same way we are, at least that;s my way of looking at it.  But I understand your feelings...and feeling you're leaving him behind because 2018 is gone is a very common grief feeling.  Reality tells us it's just another day, but our feelings cry out to us!  Our feelings can be difficult to contend with sometimes.

Have you talked to a guidance counselor?  There might be help for someone in your situation.  Also try the Department of Health and Human Services.  In Oregon they give free health insurance to someone making under $1,200/months but the deadline was Dec. 15 so it's another year to apply.  I don't know how it works in your state.  Maybe you can look into these things once you get moved.  Also try going in person to the Employment Department, have them help you create your resume and find a job.  They are not just their for unemployment benefits, they're there to help you find work.  You'll feel relieved once you have an income coming in.

You ask about on line grief counselors...I'm not familiar with who/where to check other than try googling it, but this other site I belong to has a Grief Counselor with a degree in Thanatology, and she's also a retired nurse, I have learned so much from her in the 13 1/2 years since George has died.  She manages the website and reads each and every post and responds to the ones she feels need responding to.  Here is the website: https://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/  She has a blog, countless articles, an on-line course designed for the first year, etc.

 

 

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16 minutes ago, KayC said:

Dec. 15 so it's another year to apply.  I don't know how it works in your state.  

This is a federal deadline. With that being said it does not vary from state to state. 

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The deadline doesn't vary, but how much the states provide varies, I should have been more clear.  Oregon is pretty liberal with their help.

Also, if you lose your medical insurance do to a life change even such as your husband's insurance for you ending or due to loss of a job's provision of insurance, you have a month to enroll regardless of time of year it occurs in.

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24 minutes ago, KayC said:

 

simply clarifying that it is a federal mandate. I need no further clarification on insurances. etc. 

 

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