Members Glolilly Posted January 1, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 1, 2019 Wow, it was hard to say goodbye to 2018. Christmas was a little gloomy but overall was different and toned down. No tree and very little decorations inside with lights outside. But omg when I was talked into going to the church watch event from 9:30 p.m. to 12:15 a.m on new. Year's Eve, I was hesitant at first. I didn't know if I wanted to stay up that long to welcome in the new year with about 2,000 plus people. It starts out ok. My seat is next to strangers, my sister and friends are in the row in front of me. Songs are sung by groups and several different visiting choirs. But as the large screens show "2019" and people clap and cheer, I do the same but my thoughts remember the deaths of my husband and brother in law in 2018. It's hard to shake. My sister turns around to hug me with tears a flowing. I hug her and she holds me tight which causes me to react. I release and turn to see her twin daughters crying hard 2 rows back. I go and hug them. Church dismisses soon after. Immediately former students of my late husband reminisces about their teacher's impact on their life. They hug me, ask how my sons are doing. I look around and notice that we're the last 3 people to exit the building. They exchange numbers. I tell them no one has shown me this much attention since I transferred to this larger church. They watch me run to my car. I get in and before I can start the car, I begin to ball like a baby until I can barely see to drive. I begin to go back to my first moment of when his death was announced by the hospital doctor. I drive about 4-5 miles and arrive home sobbing hysterically. My oldest son follow me into my bedroom as I drop to my knees by the bedroom sitting chair. He had attended the same service and ask what happened. I say between sobs that I had to say goodbye to 2018 and to your dad. I told him the emphasis on the new year opened up old scabs that I couldn't explain and hadn't expected. I went to sleep soon trying to calm myself to release the growing headache. The former students also mentioned having my sons open a business in my husband's name to keep his legacy alive. That also seemed too heavy at this time. I am not ready to take on more. I'm just trying to get by with the responsibilities I already have. Saying goodbye to 2018 was the final curtain to our life, it was totally unexpected and I wasn't prepared for the crashing of the curtains! The curtains lay in the back seat of my car. Nothing could be done, nothing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Brazil Man Posted January 2, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 2, 2019 It's hard to say good bye, but I'm saying: Good bye 2018. My wife is gone with you. Good bye my loved wife. May God keep you in a good place and give you peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 2, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted January 2, 2019 Glolily, I am sorry, I should have warned you, although everyone reacts different in their grief, this is a common grief response to the New Year. I felt a meltdown too when we ushered in 2006...I remember feeling, I will never again be in the same year George was in. It hit hard. I try to tell myself it's just another day, but... (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LeannC45 Posted January 2, 2019 Members Report Share Posted January 2, 2019 I went to bed at 9:00 on New Years. At first I was going to try and watch some New Years countdowns but when I tried I knew immediately that I couldn't. All this time I have been wanting 2018 to hurry and be over and then when it was finally coming to a close I felt an overwhelming sense of grief. I am happy the holidays are over but I am one week away from the one year anniversary which causes a whole new set of emotions. I wish all of us here strength and love through this horrific journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 2, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted January 2, 2019 4 minutes ago, LeannC45 said: I am happy the holidays are over but I am one week away from the one year anniversary which causes a whole new set of emotions. I wish all of us here strength and love through this horrific journey. OMG! I wish the same for you, Leann, I'll keep you in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Glolilly Posted January 8, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2019 I just passed my one year anniversary on this past Sunday. I didn't know how I would react so I warned my family to say a prayer. I didn't talk to my sons or mention the date to them but learnt later that evening that my late husband sister posted a reference to it on Facebook along with his and my pictures. My sons barely mentioned the post he was tagged in, to protect me but I overheard him and his brother in their bedroom talking. (I'm glad I quit FB two years ago). He said a lot of people made comments that my husband was a legend ( as a teacher and in sports) but he cherished a guy that said keep the family in your prayers. In other words bragging on my husband isn't helping us the survivors. We need attention. I was proud of them. I told them later I place more meaning on his life and Birthday than the day of his death. We all agreed that we celebrated by not letting the date cause hardship or a meltdown. I had overcome the worst milestone, the New Year for sure. I may just remember the year and month further out like I do for my father who passed January 2011. I don't remember the date anymore. That's good enough for me. I must still live to a certain degree to enjoy life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 8, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted January 8, 2019 You made it through the day, it sounds like your sons are sensitive and caring. I agree, FB can be hard sometimes. I'm on it so I can see pictures and videos of my grandchildren but I don't spend a lot of time on it. The "memories" can be rough sometimes, esp. of my mom (she died 4 years ago), FB wasn't prevalent when George was alive so at least I don't have memories of him popping up on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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