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my nephew


KTMiller0516

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On July 28, 2010, my nephew (my brother's son), Christopher Brian, died in a tragic accident. He was at his grandmother's (my sister-in-law's mother's) house one summer day after a severe storm had rolled through our area (I live in the mid-atlantic region; over the summer we get bad thunderstorms during the summer) and was "working" in the yard. Using her golf cart, he was dragging branches and twigs that had fallen from the trees on the property and when dragging a large branch to a pile he had established on the side yard, it somehow got caught in the drive shaft of the golf cart. The golf cart stopped moving so he got out of the cart and got underneath of it to to get the branch untangled. Well, he did a good job of getting the branch untangled; too good a job. The golf cart re-engaged and fell on top of him (this is my best understanding of the accident). From what I understand, he didn't feel a thing. No one knows exactly how long he was under the golf cart. His grandmother hadn't seen him since just after lunch. His sister (12) found him at around 4 in the afternoon or so. Underneath the golf cart.

He was 8. And he was beautiful. And I loved him like he was my own. And I have experienced the most pain over this than I thought possible. We were very close; I have two sons - a 3 year old and a 6 year old - and my 6 year old and my nephew, Christopher - oh, man. They were buddies. My son worshiped him. They spent a lot of this past summer together. They went to the beach together. They swam at my brother's pool together. I had no idea I could feel so much pain.

Some days I cry for my brother. The pain he and his wife must feel every day. I can't even imagine. I simply can't imagine how they continue to live in the same house and walk past the bedroom where he slept every night. I can't imagine living the same life knowing that a part of me like that had died. And so I mourn for them. I feel the pain for my brother. He's a part of me. But then some days I will cry because I miss him so much. I miss my nephew so terribly much. He was so handsome. And I'm not saying that simply because I was his aunt. He never had an ugly day in his life. Oh. What a beautiful little boy.

It was hard to tell my 6 year old that his best buddy was gone. We aren't religious people so we had never discussed heaven or God or anything like that. But we had to tell him that he was gone. He was in the car with me when we found out about the accident and then when we found out he hadn't made it. So my husband and I decided that we had to tell him he wasn't in the hospital anymore because if we were ever sick and had to go to the hospital, he would be afraid we would never come out. So we told him that he went to heaven. That he had an accident; that he was hurt really bad. And that he didn't make it. And that he went to heaven. To us that made the most sense. Just last night (on on the 6-month anniversary of his death), he said to me, "Mommy, my friend at school told me that when you're in heaven it means that you're dead. So, is Christopher dead?" It never dawned on me that he didn't understand and put the two together that heaven equaled death. When he said that to me last night, it broke my heart all over again. I hate that pain.

I have a wonderful life. I have beautiful children. I have a wonderful husband who provides me with a wonderful life. And I have said on more than one occasion that I've waited for the rug to be pulled out from under me. So, is this it? Is this what's had to happen? It's the type of story that you read in the newspaper and say to your spouse, "Oh, listen to this. Isn't this a terrible story? An 8-year-old boy died in a tragic accident" and then you put the paper down and go about your day. But I can't do that. I have to deal with it. And I can't stand it sometimes. Sometimes I find myself not sad and then I realize that wait a second, I'm laughing about something. Should I be laughing? Is it ok to laugh?

I have contemplated joining a group but I just don't know if that's for me. I would love for my brother to go with me. But that's not his thing. And I worry about him so much. I thought maybe by joining something like this would benefit me and I could possibly convince him to do the same.

That is my story. That's why I'm here.

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KT,

I am so sorry for the tragic loss of your nephew, Christopher. The pain you and your family are feeling is the worst pain imaginable, yet we still manage to go on every day, whether we want to or not. I never thought I would survive losing one of my children, and yet I have survived, although every day I cry & it is a struggle. Sometimes I can't even imagine it's true, then it hits me that it is, that this nightmare is actually my life now. It will soon be (2-9-11)the one year anniversary of my 23 yr old daughter's death from complications of H1N1, pneumonia & mono. She was recovering quite well, and was starting physical therapy, when she suddenly died from some kind of heart condition, probably a blood clot, after being hospitalized for 3 months, in a medically induced coma for 2 of those months.

I joined this website about 2 wks after Ashley died, because I knew I needed some help to get through this. Some people try therapy, and since I've never tried it, I can't say if it would work for me, but here you can talk to others who've been through the same heartache, and so understand how you feel. Please come to the Loss of an Adult child board, there are people there who have been posting for years, and they help those of us who are newer to this journey. I also tried going to a group of grieving parents, and although they were wonderful people, and did help, I just feel more comfortable here.

There are actually days now that I can laugh about something Ashley did or said, but still have trouble reliving the day she died over & over again, and wondering what I could have done to change it. I also feel a lot of guilt about what I did and didn't do over her lifetime. Spending time here though has made me realize I am not the only one going through this, and the feelings I'm having are normal. I can't imagine being able to cope as well as I have without BI.

Please come to the adult child board, and tell us more about your nephew, Christopher. I can't imagine explaining death to a young child like your son, but others here may be have some suggestions.

Just know that you and your brother and his wife are not alone, and we will try to comfort you the best we can. On Ashley's first birthday after this happened, several people posted birthday wishes and pictures that really helped me get through that day.

I am sorry you are here, but hope we can help you a little bit.

Amy/Ashley's mom

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On July 28, 2010, my nephew (my brother's son), Christopher Brian, died in a tragic accident. He was at his grandmother's (my sister-in-law's mother's) house one summer day after a severe storm had rolled through our area (I live in the mid-atlantic region; over the summer we get bad thunderstorms during the summer) and was "working" in the yard. Using her golf cart, he was dragging branches and twigs that had fallen from the trees on the property and when dragging a large branch to a pile he had established on the side yard, it somehow got caught in the drive shaft of the golf cart. The golf cart stopped moving so he got out of the cart and got underneath of it to to get the branch untangled. Well, he did a good job of getting the branch untangled; too good a job. The golf cart re-engaged and fell on top of him (this is my best understanding of the accident). From what I understand, he didn't feel a thing. No one knows exactly how long he was under the golf cart. His grandmother hadn't seen him since just after lunch. His sister (12) found him at around 4 in the afternoon or so. Underneath the golf cart.

He was 8. And he was beautiful. And I loved him like he was my own. And I have experienced the most pain over this than I thought possible. We were very close; I have two sons - a 3 year old and a 6 year old - and my 6 year old and my nephew, Christopher - oh, man. They were buddies. My son worshiped him. They spent a lot of this past summer together. They went to the beach together. They swam at my brother's pool together. I had no idea I could feel so much pain.

Some days I cry for my brother. The pain he and his wife must feel every day. I can't even imagine. I simply can't imagine how they continue to live in the same house and walk past the bedroom where he slept every night. I can't imagine living the same life knowing that a part of me like that had died. And so I mourn for them. I feel the pain for my brother. He's a part of me. But then some days I will cry because I miss him so much. I miss my nephew so terribly much. He was so handsome. And I'm not saying that simply because I was his aunt. He never had an ugly day in his life. Oh. What a beautiful little boy.

It was hard to tell my 6 year old that his best buddy was gone. We aren't religious people so we had never discussed heaven or God or anything like that. But we had to tell him that he was gone. He was in the car with me when we found out about the accident and then when we found out he hadn't made it. So my husband and I decided that we had to tell him he wasn't in the hospital anymore because if we were ever sick and had to go to the hospital, he would be afraid we would never come out. So we told him that he went to heaven. That he had an accident; that he was hurt really bad. And that he didn't make it. And that he went to heaven. To us that made the most sense. Just last night (on on the 6-month anniversary of his death), he said to me, "Mommy, my friend at school told me that when you're in heaven it means that you're dead. So, is Christopher dead?" It never dawned on me that he didn't understand and put the two together that heaven equaled death. When he said that to me last night, it broke my heart all over again. I hate that pain.

I have a wonderful life. I have beautiful children. I have a wonderful husband who provides me with a wonderful life. And I have said on more than one occasion that I've waited for the rug to be pulled out from under me. So, is this it? Is this what's had to happen? It's the type of story that you read in the newspaper and say to your spouse, "Oh, listen to this. Isn't this a terrible story? An 8-year-old boy died in a tragic accident" and then you put the paper down and go about your day. But I can't do that. I have to deal with it. And I can't stand it sometimes. Sometimes I find myself not sad and then I realize that wait a second, I'm laughing about something. Should I be laughing? Is it ok to laugh?

I have contemplated joining a group but I just don't know if that's for me. I would love for my brother to go with me. But that's not his thing. And I worry about him so much. I thought maybe by joining something like this would benefit me and I could possibly convince him to do the same.

That is my story. That's why I'm here.

Hi KT,

What a terrible tragedy for your family to suffer. You are right, it's these kinds of things we read in the paper and think, "Wow, how are those people dealing with this," and then something like this happens to our family and we do deal with it, little by little, step by step.

You are allowed to laugh and be happy. It's okay. You are allowed to not be sad. Even though our loved ones pass on and we grieve, we are still here and we keep moving forward and continuing on. Just because we have a good day doesn't mean we've forgotten our ever will forget our loved ones who have gone on ahead of us.

How is your brother doing? What about your nephew's mom? What about the grandma? Maybe if you join a support group and find encouragement and advice, they will eventually go with you.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It's always tough, particularly when small children are involved.

We are here for you,

ModKonnie

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