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my baby eared dove died, I'm traumatized


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I'm still trying to process my emotions... ( sorry for my bad english )

I rescued this bird last Wednesday, she was just a little cute baby.
Since 10 am tuesday, exactly when she died on MY BED, I can't stop crying. 
Two days have already passed, and the emptiness that this left me is awful. Birds are very special animals for me. Whenever I see a wounded bird or a baby bird, I rescue them because they are creatures that deserve respect and care just like any other animal. 

It brought me joy, something different from all the birds that I saved in all this time. I loved her, she followed me every time she saw me, she huddled next to me. It was a bird full of love, energy, it was unthinkable that something happened to her, I took care of her, she was growing excellently, and I feel that for some reason she recognized me as her mother, or something.

Every time I spoke to her she seemed to understand me. She was learning to fly and until two days ago she was excellent, full of life. 
I don't know if it was because of my negligence, if I did it wrong, but it wasn't enough. Overnight she was seized with pneumonia that was impossible to cure, I gave her antibiotics, I wrapped her up as much as I could and I was next to her, and even without strength, she came to snuggle with me. It hurts a lot because she didn't deserve to die like that, she didn't deserve to die, I was sorry to see that she had transformed into a weak bird that almost did not respond. She suffocated and I wasn't able to help her, just watch in shock how she was dying in her despair, writhing on my bed and jumping because she couldn't breathe, convulsing, when she died she looked at me, and the lively light of her eyes went out. I just can't get that image out of my head, I can't stop thinking what I would have done if I had the chance to save her, if I could have prevented her from that suffering. It hurts a lot the fate that she had. It hurts me a lot that she died like that, surely she did not even expect her own death. She was so happy a day ago, she was so good... i don't understand... im so sad, i can't explain how sad is this to me. 
From one day to another, I stopped having her in my hands, she left in a quick flash that I would never have expected, I was calm, thinking that I would wake up and there she would be waiting for me. 
I can't overcome this, is killing me, everything makes me remember her and to continue and recover, its seems something very difficult for me, 
I can't stop looking back, I keep complaining. I wish she was here. 

I failed her. I feel that this is all my fault, it gives me a lot of impotence. I love her and need her here, I need to wake up every morning and listen to her when she sees me pass by or feed her and teach her little by little how to fly, but that will not happen. She left forever. 
This left me traumatized because she died on my bed, she died in an awful way. She was a baby, and she didn't deserve this. 
I watched how she was dying, and I couldn't help her, I wasn't able to do anything because I was in shock. 

I will always love her, and I hope that now, wherever she is, she can fly far, high, and with her typical happiness and energy. 

I know that for some people, she was just a bird, just a pigeon, but for me she was much more than that, in less than a week, she brought me love, she brought me happiness, she gave me her love, I discovered that birds also love and trust us.  The care of her was in my hands, and I failed her, I couldn't save her. 
I'm so sorry for her....





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I am so so sorry for what happened. :( Poor sweet creature. Birds are so fragile, they really are. You did nothing wrong and sometimes creatures for whatever reason get sick and cannot recover so matter what we or vets do. I watched my poor cat suffer greatly when he died so I know the heartbreak and it's terrible to go through. I am so sorry. 

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Please do not feel guilty in anything you did. She was a wild bird and you cannot forsee these kinds of things happening. She could have been sick. You gave her the best week of her life she could have ever had. Without you, she would have passed away so much sooner and all alone. She would not have been able to survive on her own. 

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