Members Sunflower2 Posted December 18, 2018 Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2018 Wowsy! Either the numbness has worn off but this is a season I'm thinking a month away in December would be perfect. Last year it was grasping the trauma and shock from the sudden loss. This year it's observing where everyone is flying to or flying from. Moving to or moving from. I'm still in a place where I have no idea where to move forward to in location and travel. I've never been one just to do to fill in space or to be in company that isn't where I want to be just to fill space. Totally aware of triggers and have all the scripted what to do mumble jumble to get through this. This is where grief becomes very personalized because in the end I, one on one, have to deal with this pain. This instability of emotions. The loneliness. There are the invites. It is deciding and knowing some invites are simply not where I need to be. I know that this too, this moment, this confusion, this loneliness will pass. Knowing too it will revisit an revisit again and again. Off to yoga even in this emotional pain and sadness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKatB Posted December 18, 2018 Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2018 6 hours ago, Sunflower2 said: There are the invites. It is deciding and knowing some invites are simply not where I need to be. This will be my first Christmas without Billy and I am hoping that I can survive this without a major meltdown. Time will tell on that one. As for the invites there is one that I definitely will not accept. I got a card in the mail from my former mother in law (2nd husband) for me to come to their house on Christmas for the family party. NO THANKS, I think I will skip this one since I have no desire to break bread with my ex husband. At least it gave me something else to think about for a minute. As always my wish is that all of us can find peace and maybe a small reason to smile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 19, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted December 19, 2018 Sunflower, From the time I've "met" you on here, I've known you to be a thinking wise person, and I know you will make the right decisions for you...just listen to your heart's intuition and give yourself permission to say "No" to the invites you don't feel are right for you at this time. I had to say "No" to a 4th of July party that was just two weeks after George died...I never got invited by them again, but there is no way I would have been up to small chit chat, gaiety and laughter! I made the right decision for me at that time. Sometimes we have to scale things down and do what is right for us...sometimes, like Kat says, we have to protect ourselves. I join with her in wishing peace and even a small reason to smile for all of us this season and always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunflower2 Posted December 19, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted December 19, 2018 16 hours ago, KayC said: give yourself permission to say "No" to the invites you don't feel are right for you at this time LOL tackled one last night. Saying no and setting boundaries has never been difficult for me. Things are different now. I was conflicted because it was a family member coming back to the states for the holidays with her family. So with that being said I sent an email last night. I did cheat. My therapist helped. Actually she did it in a minute. She knew my work and knows that I could have pulled this so easily in "normal" circumstances. She was aware of family dynamics because years ago I referred this relative to her. Very short term. Personality disorders do not do therapy nor can they benefit from therapy. Therapist asked how I felt if she shared a scripture. You may be familiar with Matthew 5:37??? I am not familiar with scripture. It was the perfect closure to the email considering all the personal dynamics of this individual. Religion is this relative's mask. In grief sometimes good writers simply cant find the right words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 20, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted December 20, 2018 OMG, you sound like you know my mom! She had many personalities disorders. She died of dementia four years ago. She used scripture to hammer any and all. But that was only one of her controlling techniques. I learned to set boundaries and let her consequences be hers. I loved her...but she made it challenging. Matthew 5:37 Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Simple enough I guess, "no"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunflower2 Posted December 20, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted December 20, 2018 1 hour ago, KayC said: Matthew 5:37 Let your yes be yes and your no be no "Let your yes be yes and your no be no anything more is from the evil one." it just worked as I needed it to work in my situation.. That's a very powerful phrase! Thought provoking. I don't even know scripture but this was out of the ballpark. I ran with it, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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