Newbie Here Who's Dad Died...

[Terrico3]

Hi, My name is Terri and I am a newbie here. I just found this website. My dad died on January 5th 1994 at the age of 49 from cancer. It feels like it was yesterday that I just found out he died. I just cannot get over this. Alot of people tell me that it gets easier with time but I find that not to be true for me. Does it get easier or will I always feel so bad? I miss him so much and it just makes it 10 times harder for me because he did not tell me he was sick so I did not get to say goodbye before he died.

[ModKonnie]

Hi Terri,

I am very sorry for the loss of your father, particularly since he was so young. Moving forward after the loss of someone as influential and important in your life as your father is difficult and takes time. However, it's been a few years since your father passed. If you still feel like it is yesterday, and are unable to deal with why he is gone, it may be time to consider a grief therapist or counselor. They may be able to help you understand your particular feelings and why you can't move forward and begin the healing process. Healing doesn't mean ever forgetting about someone; it just means moving forward with your own life and finding happiness in some capacity again.

We are glad to have your hear, and we look forward to talking with you more.

ModKonnie

[Terrico3]

ModKonnie.. Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your advice and I am definetly going to look into that. It's not that I am unable to move forward because I have it is just so hard. I miss him so much. I was the closest to my dad then my mother. The thing that I find the hardest to deal with is why he did not tell me that he was sick?!! Some people have told me that maybe he did not want to upset me, I don't really know. I am married and have 2 kids and am happy, I just wish my dad was here with me. There is not one day that goes by that I do not think about him.

Hi Terri,

I am very sorry for the loss of your father, particularly since he was so young. Moving forward after the loss of someone as influential and important in your life as your father is difficult and takes time. However, it's been a few years since your father passed. If you still feel like it is yesterday, and are unable to deal with why he is gone, it may be time to consider a grief therapist or counselor. They may be able to help you understand your particular feelings and why you can't move forward and begin the healing process. Healing doesn't mean ever forgetting about someone; it just means moving forward with your own life and finding happiness in some capacity again.

We are glad to have your hear, and we look forward to talking with you more.

ModKonnie

[ModKonnie]

ModKonnie.. Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your advice and I am definetly going to look into that. It's not that I am unable to move forward because I have it is just so hard. I miss him so much. I was the closest to my dad then my mother. The thing that I find the hardest to deal with is why he did not tell me that he was sick?!! Some people have told me that maybe he did not want to upset me, I don't really know. I am married and have 2 kids and am happy, I just wish my dad was here with me. There is not one day that goes by that I do not think about him.

I lost my dad in August 2009. I know how it feels to miss your father. I miss him terribly. Your father may have not want you to know, or he may have been in denial himself. I'm sure he had a good reason for not telling you. My mother in law passed away from cancer three years ago. She pretended and denied she was ill until the last few months, when it became unbearable for her. She kept telling everyone she was fine; I guess she thought if she kept saying that, then it would be the truth.

I am glad to know you are happy with your family; suffering alone is hard. What kind of cancer did your father have, and when did you find out he had it? If you don't want to talk about it, then you don't have to answer. Just know that we are here when you need us.

ModKonnie

[Terrico3]

My dad had throat cancer and then it spread to other areas like his stomach. To this day I do not even know if he got treatment for his cancer. I am guessing that he did not. I found out that he was sick about 2 weeks before he died. He did not want me coming to the hospital to see him. He let my younger brother and younger sister see him. So it just makes it 10 times harder that he hid it from me. Like I said before I was the closest to him. That includes my brother and sister. My dad and I always had a special bond and we were always close. So for him to get sick with cancer and not tell me is a hard thing to deal with.

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your dad and mother in law. It is such a hard thing to go through. Noone can really understand what it is like until you go through it yourself. Did you get a chance to say goodbye to your dad and mother in law before they passed? The only thing that keeps me going is just knowing that he is not suffering anymore.

I lost my dad in August 2009. I know how it feels to miss your father. I miss him terribly. Your father may have not want you to know, or he may have been in denial himself. I'm sure he had a good reason for not telling you. My mother in law passed away from cancer three years ago. She pretended and denied she was ill until the last few months, when it became unbearable for her. She kept telling everyone she was fine; I guess she thought if she kept saying that, then it would be the truth.

I a m glad to know you are happy with your family; suffering alone is hard. What kind of cancer did your father have, and when did you find out he had it? If you don't want to talk about it, then you don't have to answer. Just know that we are here when you need us.

ModKonnie

[Terrico3]

I forgot to mention that I lived in Arizona at the time and he lived in Ohio, which is where I live now. I also was in an abusive relationship and he would not allow me to go see my dad before he passed. I just found out that my abusive ex just passed away this past May. My dad did come to Arizona to visit me a few months before he died. Maybe that was his way of saying goodbye without telling me he was sick. Who really knows?

My dad had throat cancer and then it spread to other areas like his stomach. To this day I do not even know if he got treatment for his cancer. I am guessing that he did not. I found out that he was sick about 2 weeks before he died. He did not want me coming to the hospital to see him. He let my younger brother and younger sister see him. So it just makes it 10 times harder that he hid it from me. Like I said before I was the closest to him. That includes my brother and sister. My dad and I always had a special bond and we were always close. So for him to get sick with cancer and not tell me is a hard thing to deal with.

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your dad and mother in law. It is such a hard thing to go through. Noone can really understand what it is like until you go through it yourself. Did you get a chance to say goodbye to your dad and mother in law before they passed? The only thing that keeps me going is just knowing that he is not suffering anymore.

[ModKonnie]

I forgot to mention that I lived in Arizona at the time and he lived in Ohio, which is where I live now. I also was in an abusive relationship and he would not allow me to go see my dad before he passed. I just found out that my abusive ex just passed away this past May. My dad did come to Arizona to visit me a few months before he died. Maybe that was his way of saying goodbye without telling me he was sick. Who really knows?

Daddy&me,

That was probably his way of saying goodbye without telling you he was sick. Yes, I did get to say goodbye to my dad. I took care of him, along with my mother and sisters, in his final months. He died at home in my childhood bedroom. It was very tough, very hard to watch him wither away and suffer. Waiting and waiting for him to die was terrible, and then when he did, it was somehow a relief but even worse (if that makes any sense). I just wish I could see him as he was when he was vibrant and happy.

In many ways, your dad probably tried to spare you. The fact that he made that trip all the way out there being as ill as he was just to see you is very telling in how much he loved you. I'm glad you got to see him a final time. I'm sure that's the way he wanted you to remember him.

ModKonnie