It's all too much.

[srwafu]

I'm at a bit of a loss - here is the quick version, my mother died September 9th, she had a neuroendocrine cancer that could not be treated, she had some chemo to slow down progression, but just short of 2 years after diagnosis she died, just a week after turning 68.
Then on the 17th of October we had to put our dog to sleep, a darling Basset hound, 11 years old - she developed a major post operative infection that went septic, she went from being totally fine, to be desperately ill in just 4 days. This hit me very hard as in the days after my mothers death I couldn't sleep, and it was a massive comfort having her with me in the night.

And now, last week, the 20th of November, my best friend Alex died. She had been diagnosed around 3 years ago with lymphoma, had gone through many rounds of treatment, some working better than others - had been on multiple experimental trials, but the disease was too aggressive. We had been friends since we were 18, and she died at 39 - we were pretty much the exact same age (born just 9 days apart).

I am now suddenly without my mum, my dog or my best friend, and I am feeling totally lost. I get up, I go to work (I'm basically self employed, so taking time away from work isn't an option for me economically). Nothing feels the same, foods I liked don't taste right, TV shows I love don't interest me anymore. I go outside to do my work, I meet clients and I smile and I make it work - but as soon as I'm back home I don't want to go out, I don't want to meet people. Tomorrow two friends of mine are getting married here in the city where I live - and I don't feel like I can go - the idea just terrifies me, but at the same time I feel shitty and guilty about not going.

I guess I just don't know what to do - I don't know how to feel better, or how, or where to start trying to feel better.

[reader]

Dear srwafu,

I am so sorry to hear of all the pain and sorrow you are in. When facing so many losses close together it is devastating. I think all any of us can do is take it moment by moment. And try to get through each day the best we can. Be as kind and gentle with yourself as possible

Grieving and mourning takes time and our emotions will be like wave or rollercoaster.

I too wanted to know when I would feel better, but there is no fixed timeline to grief. Try to surround yourself with loving friends and family members. Or if you want try a grief counsellor or joining a support group in the community or through church. I also found these websites helpful in understanding my feelings:

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

What's Your Grief

GriefShare

Grief Recovery Method

Please know we are all here to listen. Thinking of you.

[tessa]

Hi srwafu,
How you feel is how I felt when I first lost my mother. I lost my appetite, I couldn't watch TV because I used to watch TV with my mother. I was lost.
My mother has been gone for 1.5 years now and I can say it gets better. The raw emotions soften. It's still not good for me but I remember those first few moths. They were horrible for me.
Have you considered getting another puppy? My sister recently got a cat. I can see that that has helped her with losing our mother.
Hang in there. It's gets to feel less awful with time.
 

[KNP]

Hi there,

I am so so sorry to hear about your mom, dog, and best friend. It really is too much! I too have had an overwhelming year (got married, mom got diagnosed with stage IV cancer, moved in with my parents, had to put my beloved fur sister to sleep, gave birth to my first child, and mom passed about 1.5 months after that). Honestly I don’t have any great advice. I just want you to know that you’re not alone. Feel free to message me as I’ve found it helps me feel better to vent and cry. Unfortunately there’s not much anyone can do to ease our pain right now. I just want to let you know that you are amazing and strong to be going though all of this. Please take care of yourself!

KNP

 

[RWD]

srwafu,

Sorry to hear all you've gone thru. I feel like you do, I'd pack my bike in the back of the truck and just drive til i hit a beach but that's as far as I get in my running away from it all plan. One day at a time doing the best we can I guess is the answer for now.