My dad died and I want to die

[Natalie13]

My dad just passed away a week ago on Thanksgiving. He has been a paraplegic for almost my whole life, 32 years and I lived every day watching him struggle to do simple every day tasks everyone else takes for granted. Over the last several years, he has gotten a lot of wounds/infections that just would not heal, no matter what he would do. He was in the hospital almost 6 months with multiple infections, blood, bone, UTI, kidney, etc etc etc. Seeing him decline has been so hard. On Thanksgiving I had to call 911 because he was having a hard time breathing. He ended up passing at 10:30 pm from septic shock. I take comfort in knowing that I was with him his last moments and he wasn't alone. That I got to be with him when he was released from his pain. But I want to die with him. I don't want to go on with out him. He is the main #1 reason I stayed around for as long as I did. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost.

[reader]

Dear Natalie13,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved dad. It is very raw time. I know its hard but what you are feeling and thinking is normal and natural after such a devastating loss.

Have to keep taking it moment by moment. And try to lean on friends and family during this sad time.

Please know you are not alone and we are all with you. It takes time to mourn and grieve. Keep writing and expressing yourself. I also found these websites helpful in understanding my grief.

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

What's Your Grief

Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

[KNP]

Hi Natalie,

I’m sorry about your father and I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do to take your pain away. I just want you to know that someone cares and is here to listen if you need.

Is there anything you’ve ever wanted to pursue? I try to put my energy into something I’ve always wanted to do, so I am learning to crochet. I am also talking with a grief counselor. Just having a non-judgmental party to listen to me (and to cry my eyes out in front of) has made a world of a difference. Like the person above mentioned, I’ve also leaned a lot on other friends and family members.

I can say with pretty good confidence that your dad would not want you to give up on your life. To be honest I’ve felt moments of “I want to be with my mom,” too, but Ive decided that a big purpose of my life going forward is to live so that she’d be proud of the person I am. You take care okay? You sound like you were such a wonderful daughter. Please  remember, you’re not alone.