It's been 6 months today

[Brazil Man]

It's been 6 months today since my wife has died but nothing has changed. I still cry everyday.
Christmas is coming and I know I will be sadder than sad.

[Michelene]

I am sorry about your wife, but talk to her, I don't know if you believe in continuing bonds, but I talk to my husband all the time. They can hear us. 

[HPB]

@Brazil Man

I feel very sorry about your situation. I lost my sweet wife more than 7 months ago  ...but nothing had changed. Tears every day, the desperation about the reality does not fade.

I have no help to offer, but we share the same burden. Very recently I read in the forum a quote of what Roosevelt was writing in his diary when in the same day his mother and his wife passed on. This quote also applies to me:

"The light has gone out of my life"

 

[Brazil Man]

2 hours ago, Michelene said:

I am sorry about your wife, but talk to her, I don't know if you believe in continuing bonds, but I talk to my husband all the time. They can hear us.

Thank you Michelene. In my dreams she is alive. I dream of her almost every nights.

[Michelene]

People sent me poems and still do, this was one:

 

'Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone' Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead, Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves, Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest, My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now: put out every one; Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood; For nothing now can ever come to any good. W H Auden     and this one which is for the heart:    [i carry your heart with me(i carry it in] By E. E. Cummings i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)                                                       i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true) and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you   here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart   i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

[Brazil Man]

11 minutes ago, HPB said:

"The light has gone out of my life"

Thanks HPB
I am sorry for you too. Sometimes I think I don't deserve being happy, for how can I be happy if she is not alive anymore.

[Brazil Man]

11 minutes ago, Michelene said:

I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

Thanks for poems Michelene. I am sorry for your loss too.

[Brazil Man]

Now my life is made of memories.

Memory
Barbra Streisand

Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves
Collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan

Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can dream of the old days
Life was beautiful then
I remember the time
I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

Every street lamp
Seems to beat
A fatalistic warning
Someone mutters
And the street lamp sputters
And soon it will be morning

Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn't give in
When the down comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
A street lamp dies
Another night is over
Another day is downing

Touch me
It is so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me,
You'll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun

 

 

[ModHerc]

@Brazil Man,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  The anniversaries and special days are so hard.  Time marching forward and making the gulf between us and our loves seem even wider.  Just take it one step at a time.  Almost two years in and I still cry regularly, and feel miserable and alone even more.  It does change with time though.  For me, memories have become happier thoughts, and the pain is less often, and usually less intense.  Wishing you the strength to make it through the day,

Herc

[Brazil Man]

13 minutes ago, Herc said:

Time marching forward and making the gulf between us and our loves seem even wider.

Thank you Herc. I feel sorry for your loss too.

[HPB]

1 hour ago, Brazil Man said:

1 hour ago, Michelene said:

I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

Thanks for poems Michelene. I am sorry for your loss too.

 @Brazil Man  

I think you misinterpreted @Michelene post, because you exactly quoted the sentence of the (negative) example poem (which is wrong in it's content).

The truth is:

"I thought that love would last for ever. I was right!!!"

Because love is continuing, even when the spouse moved on to the afterlife. My love for my wife is stronger than ever, and I guess yours for your wife, too.

To make my own posted quote "The light went out in my life" complete, I should probably add this to be understood:

"...but my light, my beloved wife is now shining from the afterlife!"

Hope to meet again my wife in the afterlife, and then for eternity. That's what I'm left with.

My hope will never die!

 

 

[Brazil Man]

@HPB

I also believe that I will find my wife in the afterlife. When I quoted " I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong. " it's because I wanted to continue with my wife here in this life.

But her life was over and so our love here.

[Brazil Man]

17 minutes ago, HPB said:

Because love is continuing, even when the spouse moved on to the afterlife. My love for my wife is stronger than ever, and I guess yours for your wife, too.

@HPB

I also believe that I will find my wife in the afterlife. When I quoted " I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong. " it's because I wanted to continue with my wife here in this life.

But her life was over and so our love here. 

[Sunflower2]

3 hours ago, Michelene said:

By E. E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

 

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

  

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

 

 

This I believe is how we work through our grief.   They are in our soul.  They shine within us every waking moment in this world as we live it today. The darkness, in time, will begin to blend in with the lightness.  xo 

[KayC]

4 hours ago, Brazil Man said:

It's been 6 months today since my wife has died but nothing has changed. I still cry everyday.
Christmas is coming and I know I will be sadder than sad.

Six months is about the time reality sets in so it can actually FEEL harder, not easier...try to be patient, I know it's hard to see, but little by little you will begin to adjust, this is just a very long journey, but we have plenty of time, no need to rush it...except I know how darn hard it is to live through!  

Crying can actually aid our grieving process, letting ourselves feel the pain instead of shutting down or trying to avoid it.  It's okay to try to take a break from grieving if one can muster it, a portion of the day, such as to function at work, but it's important to have a period of time during the day or night to allow ourselves to grieve.  I never had a problem with allowing myself to grieve, it came to me unbidden, searched me out and found me!  Getting a reprieve was harder for me.

In time you'll learn to incorporate your wife into your life in a different way.  Maybe you'll write to her, light candles, visit her grave and talk to her, you will learn she is with you still in your heart and you'll carry her with you...not only your memories of her, but all you have learned from her, and her spirit.  I don't feel my George is completely gone, in the beginning it was hard to see that, I searched the house and he was not there!  But in time I felt to some degree his spirit was here, not sure if all the time, but when I needed him most, it seemed I felt him inside me, kind of hard to explain, but giving me confidence with his unending faith in me.  To each person I think they incorporate them into their lives uniquely but we all find our way eventually.

[KayC]

4 hours ago, Michelene said:

I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

You see, I DO believe our love lasts forever.  Nothing changed except his body gave out.  Our love still exists...he on that side of the veil, me on my side, once in a while he's able to break through and sends me a pansy or a hummingbird or a rainbow...once a light touch on my back/shoulder.  My version of pennies from heaven!  But I know our love continues still, it is too great for anything to destroy, not even death!  And someday, when my work is deemed done, I will be with him again.

[Brazil Man]

19 minutes ago, KayC said:

And someday, when my work is deemed done, I will be with him again.

Thank you KayC. I hope to meet my wife too and to be with her in eternity.

[Michelene]

I say, one step closer...at the end of the day. 

[Michelene]

On 11/28/2018 at 6:52 AM, KayC said:

You see, I DO believe our love lasts forever.  Nothing changed except his body gave out.  Our love still exists...he on that side of the veil, me on my side, once in a while he's able to break through and sends me a pansy or a hummingbird or a rainbow...once a light touch on my back/shoulder.  My version of pennies from heaven!  But I know our love continues still, it is too great for anything to destroy, not even death!  And someday, when my work is deemed done, I will be with him again.

i do too, just quoting Auden's poem, there.